Friday, 14 October 2011

Bra Shopping with Men

Hi, my name is Janice Seagraves. I’m a romance author. I want to thank Faith for allowing me this opportunity to post on the 4SW blog.

The other day my daughter and I went bra shopping with my husband and her boyfriend in tow. For women readers, I’m sure you’re very familiar with bra shopping. Have you ever gone shopping with the man in your life?

Yeah, that’s an experience, isn’t it?

My hubby usually vacates the area, fast. He says he’ll shop for manly things like jockeys, while I’m occupied with my feminine stuff. This time he did the usual, and you could hear him peeling out as his shoes made black marks on the tile at J.C. Penny’s.

After raising an eyebrow at her father’s quick exit, my daughter asked what she could get.

I pointed out the sale sign. Buy one bra and get the second one for half off. “Get two.”

My daughter found two bras.

“Try them on.”

She sighed.

“You still might have changed since then. After all, you did just lose weight,” I told her.d. “But these are the same ones I got last time.”

Daughter returned from the changing room, only to put the bras back. “I got bigger.” She hung her head.

I stared at her a moment. My daughter is the only woman I know who can simultaneously lose weight and get bigger boobs. How is that even possible?

“Then find the next size,” I said as I continued the search for my bra size.

I glanced at daughter’s BF. He kept his face impassive, but his eyes danced.

“I’m surprised you’re not doing cartwheels right through the middle of this store,” I told him.

BF grinned. “Oh, I keep that sort of thing to myself. But my inner pervert is doing cartwheels and flips on the monkey bars.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” I s

hook my head. What is it with cup sizes and men?

I made my own selections and went to the changing room. After struggling with my new shirt, which I discovered too late was hard to get off, and found that I had grabbed the wrong size bra. “What the heck. What size am I?” I looked at the tag on my bra from home, 44DD.

Crap.

Redressing, I went back out and looked for a 44DD.

My daughter found the right size bra, tried it on, and came back, but I was still looking.

“These fit. Can I have panties too?” she asked.

“Sure, if there’s a sale.”

“There is.”

“Okay.” I kept looking.

My husband bought his jockeys and came strolling back...and I’m still looking.

I put back yet another bra I can’t wear. By this time I’d reached the end of the bra section and the end of my rope.

“This is so not fair. I find all kinds of 42DDs and even a few of the 42DDDs, but not one single 44DD,” I wailed. Yeah, I’m loud when I’m upset and I don’t care who knows it.

At that moment, a saleswoman showed up as if she sprung out of the floor. “Can I help you, ma’am?”

While I was telling her my problem, loudly, my husband started to smile.

The saleswoman lookd me straight in the eyes and asked, “Are you sure that’s your size? Have you tried a 42DD?”

I gritted my teeth. “I just had on a 42DD and my cup was running over like this.” I mimed my molded over breasts with both hands. I glanced at my hubby and my daughter’s BF. “Sorry guys. I didn’t mean to be so graphic.”

“Oh, no problem at all.” My husband grinned from ear to ear and bounced on the balls of his feet.

My daughter yelled him. “Dad, stop smiling. It’s scary.”

My daughter’s BF whispered, “Your dad’s a pervert.”

Meanwhile the saleslady asked me, “Have you ever tried an extender?”

“Huh?” I stare at her like she had just grown two heads. What good would that do?

“A lot of women wear an extender on their bras. It really helps them,” she plowed on.

Hands on hips, I leaned toward the smaller woman. “Look, lady, if you haven’t noticed I’m a large woman. I need a 44DD, anything smaller just won’t do.” Was the woman even looking at the size of my tits?

The woman didn’t even blink at my outburst. “But an extender would—”

I let out a dramatic sigh. God, I really hate pushy sales people. “No, extender. It just wouldn’t work.”

My daughter reaches past me. “Here’s one. 44DD right?” She handed me a black bra.

“Well, hell. I was standing right next to it.” In the space of a minute we found two more.

I looked one over. “Oh, this is a pretty bra. And it’ll give me lots of support, too.” You don’t always find support and prettiness in the same bra when you’re my size.

My husband looked even happier, if that’s possible. “Support is good.”

BF shook his head. “Dirty old man.”

I went to the changing room and tried on the bra. It fit. It was supportive and pretty. I imagined angels were rejoicing in heaven. Hallelujah.

And then my daughter thrust a bra through the door at me. “Look, I found another one.”

“Yay, now I get the sale rate. Buy one, second half off.” I danced a jig as the angels in heaven launch into another louder chorus—Halle-lu-jah!

At the cash register, while I made small talk with the cashier, my daughter’s BF sidled up to me and whispered in my ear, “I hate to tell you this, but your husband is doing perverted things to the bras.”

“What?” I jerked my head toward my husband. His cheesy grin was still in place as he strolled down the center aisle. “What did he do?”

“He felt up the bras. He told me that you compliment the bra, ‘Silky’, and when your woman was in them, you use both hands, ‘Nice’. BF mimed what my husband did.

“Oh, good grief. The man will be the death of me yet.” Good thing I don’t get embarrassed easy. My mother would have been mortified.

I paid for our things, and my daughter picked up the bag. My husband joined us, and we headed out.

As we passed a manikin wearing a bra-and-panty set that show half its white plastic ass, my husband whipped his hand out, slapping it on the butt.

My mouth dropped open. “What did you just do?”

“It was presenting.” He grinned back at me. “What else was I supposed to do?”

“Uh, not hit the dummy on the ass would have been my choice.”

BF said, “See, he’s a big pervert.”

My daughter muttered, “Maybe you should hit him, mom.”

“Wouldn’t do any good.” I shrugged. “What is it with men and bra shopping anyway?”

“It brings out the inner pervert,” BF said. “That’s my theory, anyway.”

“I think you might be right.” We followed my smug husband back into wilds of the shopping mall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Janice Seagraves grew up in a small California town. Her home is a hundred year old haunted house (she’s not kidding), where she lives with her husband and daughter, four overly affectionate cats (yeah, they have more), and a pet pigeon that is in love with her husband (also not kidding).

The writing bug hit her late at around twenty. However her art always drew her away from the characters in her head. After being diagnosed with tendonitis she found doing artwork painful, but she could still type and at last she turned her full attention to writing.

Her first book, Windswept Shores, is available through Pink Petal books.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Windswept Shores by Janice Seagraves
Cover Contest Winner
erotic contemporary romance
novel (approx 50K)
price $4.95
Cover Art by Pink Petal Books with assistance from Winterheart Design

BLURB:
The sole survivor of a plane crash, Megan is alone on a deserted island in the Bahamas until she finds a nearly-drowned man washed up on shore. Another survivor, this time from a boat wreck. With only meager survival skills between them, will they survive and can they find love?

Windswept Shores: http://pinkpetalbooks.com/Windswept-Shores-Janice-Seagraves.html

~*~*~

You can find Janice on her website: http://janiceseagraves.org/

And her blog: http://ladyjanice.blogspot.com/

19 comments:

Faith said...

And men say women embarrass them in public, lol.

Oh, how I hate to shop for bras let a lone clothes. Next time I go bra shopping I'll have to get extenders simply because I have such a broad back and wide rib cage. However, bras are for going out in public. At home, forget it!

Sidney Bristol said...

Bra shopping can be such a pain! Unfortunately I'm like Janice's daughter though. I'm losing weight and the boobs, they're getting bigger. I sympathize with her.

Cassie Exline said...

Great post, Janice. Your husband sounds like a lot of fun. lol Love your book. Everyone should read it.

Pat Dale said...

This is the funniest blog I've read in a long time. I'm a man, so I can understand the other side of your story. Having your daughter's BF along, and the things he said to you, cracks me up. Other things being equal, I'd say he's a keeper.
Here's to all well endowed women, may you wear your 44DD's proudly!
PD

Willa Edwards said...

I don't go bra shopping with anyone, even my mom. But your story is funny (since its not my husband or father). Now it might be a long time before I ever underwear with a man :P

Anthology Authors said...

Hahahahaha, Janice!

Charlie, my husband, would be mortified to even be seen in the bra section. (g) Not that bras don't turn him into a pervert. He just doesn't show it until we're in private. (g)

I've nearly given up on bras. I'm small. My back is broad. My boobs are small. No bra fits me. No, none at all. (g)

Janice said...

Hi Faith,

Thank you for allowing me to guest on your blog. I had fun writing about our shopping trip.

Yeah, I think my hubby has made it his life's goal to embarrassed the heck out of me in public. The thing is I don't get embarrassed that easy, so he gets a little more outrages each time.

I feel for you about the bras. They just don't make them to fit every woman. As for staying home and bras--hell, I'm not wearing one and I'm at home. *grin*

Hi Sidney,

It kind of embarrasses my daughter that she can lose weight and gain in her boobs. Her friends all envy her so it not all a bad thing.

Hi Cassie,

Thank you. Your so sweet.

My husband is something else. He's had me laughing now for 31 years.

Hi Pat,

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me that a man enjoyed my post too. *grin*

Hi Willa,

Well, it wasn't so bad. Afterwards we were able to laugh about it. I think my hubby was showing off for the my daughter's BF.

Hi Merci,

Actually I'm rather envious. I wish I was small. Being big is harder than it looks. There's trying to find a bra that fits and the back strain. And jogging forget it. I'd beat myself to death.

Thank you for posting.
Have a great day everyone.
Janice~

Anthology Authors said...

Being small does have its advantages, Janice, but there are definitely downsides as well. What I need is a 38 back with an "A" cup, not a 38 back with the cup adjusted because surely my boobs must be bigger if they back is. O.O

There are times I want to wear a shirt that really needs a bra, but I can't find a bra, and the bras I can find are not fancy. No lace, no prints, no colors but ecru, white and black. I have to get the "one kind fits all for small titties" bras. LOL As I rarely have these occasions, I survive. LOL

Robyn M Speed said...

Freakin hilarious!!

I NEVER take my husband bra hunting because he DOES turn into a pervert - which I wouldn't really mind so much if it resulted in some action in the bedroom later on...but alas he is all talk/pervert and no action!

The boyfriend sounds rather lovely!

Hey, next time, YOU should slap the manikin (how the hell do you spell that?) on the arse on the way out and see what the husband says!

Janice said...

Merci,

Have you seen that new bra that you pull over your head like a tank top? All you need is your shirt size and the rest stretches to fit. They look very comfortable however they don't make them big enough to fit me, but you could give it a try?

Hi Robyn,

I'm glad you enjoyed reading about our adventure in bra shopping.

Thank you. My daughter's BF is a very nice young man.

Maybe I'll save the manikin slapping for our next trip out.

Janice~

Harlie Reader said...

Okay, I have tears rolling down my face and my 6 yr old son is looking at me funny. That was one hilarious post. My hubby wouldn't be caught dead bra shopping much less going to a mall.

Great post.

Harlie Reader said...

One last thing...my dad and brother LOVED going bra shopping....

Janice said...

Hi Harlie,

I'm glad you got a laugh at my post. :D

Janice~

Lisa Alexander Griffin said...

Hilarious post, Janice. Your husband is something else! LOL!

Annette Snyder said...

yep--been there at VS and JCP. don't you hate it when they discontinue your bra and you have to find a new one??

Rochelle Weber--Author said...

I've recenlty lost over 100 pounds and I'm reaching no-fit land. My band-size is going down but my cup size is still DD. It's hard enough to find a 38DD I can afford, but when I was looking at 36s, I didn't see any even in a D--at least not at Wal-Mart. I can't afford fancy stores like Sears or J.C. Penny'S.
Hugs,
Rochelle
www.rochelleweber.com

Janice said...

Hi Lisa,

Oh yeah, he's a riot. Kept me laughing for 31 year.

Hi Annette,

Yeah, that's the pits. You get used to something and then it's gone.

Hi Rochelle,

I'm sorry to hear that. You might have to bit the bullet and order it online to find something that fits.

Janice~

Bethanne said...

Too funny, Janice. What a great story. I love hearing about your family. :D

Janice said...

Hi Bethanne,

Thank you. We do have the adventures when we go out. LOL.

Janice~