Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Cats Don't Need Opposable Thumbs...

...and other common household mathematical facts.

Like, for instance, did you  know that a husband's intelligence seems to be directly and inversely related to his ability to run a laundry machine? Meaning that if you marry a rocket scientist, or brain surgeon, don't expect him to wash your skivvies any time soon. Not if you want them to still fit when he's done.... *sigh*

Also, the noise expelled by pre-teen girls increases exponentially to the number of girls in the room. So if one girl creates 10 decibels of noise, two girls create 100 and three girls create 1000. After that, you might better off send them to the mall or sound-proof the family room. *headache*

Next: A young boy who can correctly categorize a hundred Hot Wheels by type and color in the space of ten minutes, (and know if mom put one in the wrong drawer) or sort Lego pieces into minute trays of like-sized bits, has no ability whatsoever to sort laundry into piles of jeans, towels and sport socks. At. All.

The same young boy who can walk over ten kilometers, without tiring, to the movie theater to watch Kungfu Panda cannot manage to walk the ten feet to his bedroom at the end of a movie he watched in his parent's bed. He's too 'wiped out'. Go figure.

Fast facts: (curtesy of boy curiosity)

> One small capful of dish detergent makes much more than one large washer-ful of suds.
> Eighteen feet of beaded Christmas garland is not enough to wrap up three cats
> cats cannot walk on water (even if the water is completely covered in soap suds and you've managed to convince the cat the bubbles are solid)
> The freezer will not reach room temperature if you leave it open all night, but the cats will knock the ice-cube trays on the floor and/or eat the left-over meatloaf. (Out of a sealed tuperware dish from the top shelf of the fridge-high afore-mentioned open freezer. This being why they apparently don't need opposable thumbs, because the dish wasn't broken or damaged in any way. Just open. And empty.) And, you will have tones of fish to eat, fast.

And last, but certainly not least: A mother/wife can  lose her temper at speeds faster than light.

ETA: Two siblings who pick and poke and make each other cry daily can and will figure out the physics of how to knock over any playground bully who needs it in order to protect each other. (true story) How's that for weird and wonderful?

Now, I'm off on the drive to the airport hotel so in the morning, I can catch my plane to New Orleans and GayRomLit. my first writer's gathering. So, here is your homework: If the car is travelling at 120 km an hour and the airport is 337 km away, the plane travels at 900km/hr and New Orleans is 2056km away, and I start now, when will this writer arrive in New Orleans?

Answer: NOT BLOODY SOON ENOUGH!!!!!  Expect picspam in my next post!!!!


Faith said...

LMAO! Any mother can relate to this post. Your son and dau sound like my son and dau. I'd love to read a blog here about the bully incident if you're willing to share it as one of your poss.

Cassie Exline said...

Certainly can relate. Girls can reach octaves that only dogs can hear. No sleep and hard of hearing the next morning. lol

Stephy Smith said...

I can relate. My boys fought all the time, but the war is on if someone else picks on the one of them.

Have fun in New Orleans!


Jaime Samms said...

Faith, I do think a lot of these re common experiences! I have to admit, i'm a little torn between being proud of them for sticking up for one another, and a little bit chagrined that they took matters into their own hands. Still, sometimes, you do what you gotta do, right?

Oh, Cassie! You know it. Like the morning after a good rock concert!

Thanks,Stephy! And yeah, I remember my brothers literally pausing beating on each other in order to take out a kid who picked on my sister. Then right back pounding one another into dirt after! Lol!

Paul McDermott said...

LOL! Here's a 'fun' British TV advert

I recognise a lot of truth in this blog!!


Cynthia Arsuaga said...

Jaime, you brought a chuckle to my day! So can relate. You nailed it. Hope NOLA is fun and you can relax and enjoy you time! I'll be NOLA in a couple weeks, can't wait, I need it too!

Janice said...

I love your fun facts.

Have fun in New Orleans.


Jaime Samms said...

Thanks, Cynthia and Janice! I'll probably be run off my feet, but I'm sure I'll have a great time. Someone pointed out on one of my loops how husbands can so efficiently repIaire most appliances, but seem to have no idea how to actually use them. Old, that. Lucky me, for the most part, the clothes washer is the only one my Mensa man has trouble with :D

Anthology Authors said...

That was my sister and I. We fought like cats and dogs, but God help anyone who went after one of us. (g)

Have a great time in, New Orleans! It's a wonderful city.