Monday, 3 October 2011

Really, It's all in her Head

I have come to the conclusion that most men view sex as the cure all for whatever ails you. If you are depressed, have sex. It gets your endorphins going, and it will make you feel better. If you are sick, have sex. It gets the blood pumping, and it will make you feel better. If you've broken your leg, have sex. All of the blood will rush somewhere other than your broken leg, and, for that moment in time, you will feel better. If you are angry, have angry sex. It will make you feel better.

Hm... I think this may work better for men than women. Why? Well, while the blood does rush somewhere else, making it difficult for men to concentrate, women can multitask. It's a blessing...and a curse.

While a man might be able to "forget" most everything when he's having sex, for a woman, it's not so easy. Here's a little scene to illustrate the point (Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong and insert whatever your lover, significant other, husband says to convince you otherwise.):

Man: I'm horny.

Woman: It's not a good night, honey. (What she's really thinking: Touch me, and I might incinerate you.)

Man: What's the matter?

Woman: It's been a bad day. I've got a lot on my mind. (You haven't noticed? I've been in a rotten mood all evening. Yeah, so, um, incineration is looking more likely with each passing breath you take.)

Man: I know what will make you feel better.

He makes some lewd movement that at any other time would make the woman laugh. Not that night. She's in a bad mood. It just irritates her more.

Woman: Tonight it won't.

Man: So why are you so upset?

Woman: Work, school stuff for the kids. You wouldn't believe what the school did today.

Man: Isn't that typical, though? Work and kids school? Both are irritating. Just let it slide. Let's enjoy the evening.

Woman looks at man and sighs: It isn't that easy.

It is to him. He reaches out and rubs her arm, a twinkle in his eye. She sighs again and wonders if he is right, if sex would help...just this once. Well, she knows it probably won't, but decides to try it anyway.

Man is getting all excited. All of his sex buttons are being pushed. Woman is trying, but her mind is whirling with all of the crap that's happened that day. She still has to email her co-worker (the one who's been talking smack behind her back) and get him to cooperate; she has to schedule an appointment with the teacher to see if she can resolve the issue with the kid who's been picking on her kid and somehow stay calm while doing it.

In the meantime, the man is saying, "Oh, baby, yes, that's how you do it."

The woman is silent, but thinking, "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck them all! And if that John (her co-worker) ruins this project to make me look bad, I'll toast him." The anger is building, but not the excitement. She realizes she needs to focus if she's to get any pleasure, but it's hard. She brings her mind to the matter at hand, so to speak, and attempts to silence the voices in her head. They keep popping in and pointing out something else that damn co-worker did, or what she'll say to the teacher when they finally do meet, or how her jeans don't fit like they use to because, you know, if she's going to be in a bad mood, she might as well fuel it some more. She decides again that if she's going to go through the motions, she might as well get something from it.

However, it's not that easy. If the woman manages to quiet the screaming gremlins in her head about all the stupidity that went on that day and actually have an orgasm, she's lucky. It doesn't always happen. And it doesn't usually relieve her angry mood.

So, while sex may seem like the cure all to men, to women, not so much. We are contrary and complex creatures at times. It's just our make up.

I wonder what would happen if women actually said what was on their mind during sex when they weren't into it. Do you think it would kill the mood? (grin) Would the man think twice about asking the woman if he knew what was really going on in her head? (Men, you don't want to know. ;) )

More importantly, whether a woman wants sex with her lover, husband, or significant other when she's depressed, angry, or sick or not rarely has anything to do with how she feels him/her or if she finds him/her sexy. Really, it's all in her head because, sex, to her, is not the cure all. It's enjoyable, it makes her toes curl at times, it can be an expression of her love, but it doesn't cure what ails her. It just doesn't. You'd need to perform a lobotomy to do that, and even then, I don't think it would work. (grin)


Jim Greer said...

Contrary and complex? Geez. That explains a great deal. No wonder I am sometimes vilified and knighted for the same act or omission. I suppose it keeps us guys from taking too much for granted.

Faith said...

My hubby has his moments where he thinks the same way, but he's realized that if I'm cuddled FIRST, if he talks to me FIRST, then the other will follow.

LOL @ the incineration, tho!

Anthology Authors said...

LOL, Jim. It's true. Women are dangerous at times. (g) Our best weapon is our ability to communicate.

You know, Faith, that might work. Then again, there are times it's best just to leave me alone. (g)

It was supposed to be a funny post. Apparently, I missed the mark. LOL Or maybe my sense of humor is skewed. (g)

Faith said...

No worries, it's a funny post which is why I was laughing at the incineration references! However, our blog is a rant blog, too, so you hit both marks. I like the fact it makes one really stop and consider what goes through one another's heads in circumstances like that one.

Anthology Authors said...

I wondered, Faith, if perhaps I was writing something too private, but I think most women have gone through this scenario at some point in their lives. (g)

Stephy Smith said...

Funny and enteretaining and oh so true! Love it.

Mary T said...

Awesome post! I have been trying to explain this to my husband recently. He doesn't get it. He thinks that if a womans mind is somewhere else it means that she is not happy with the person she is with. I might have to get him to read your post!

Anthology Authors said...

Thanks, Stephy!

Men can be more insecure than women, Mary. It often amazes me to what degree they are. Not that women aren't. I know we are. Scratch that, I know I am about some things. :)

Janice said...

I think that if a woman is thinking too much during sex than her partner isn't doing his job.


Anthology Authors said...

Sometimes, Janice, that's not always the case. I think it depends on the woman and her state of mind. :)

Ciara said...

This was so on the mark. LOL. Great post. I think the man would ignore the woman's comment until after they were done. Then he'd be mad at her for making it. :)

Jaime Samms said...

I live in a backwards universe here, I guess. Seem's I'm the one always getting shut down around here. Strange.

Anthology Authors said...

You know, Jaime, I've had boyfriends like that too. If you are not confident in yourself, it can be very hard on the self-esteem. After one such relationship, it took me a while to see myself as sexy. I wonder if that happens to men, too.

There's a story in there somewhere. :)


Jaime Samms said...

All kinds of stories, I'm sure :D