Tuesday, 8 February 2011

The Morning Hustle

The Morning Hustle

I get up at five each morning even though I don’t have to get anyone else up until six-fifteen. I do this because I need to orient myself to the world. I know when I give the cock-a-doodle-doo there is going to be massive chaos in my house, and I need the extra time to wake up and just generally brace myself.

Only two of my kids live with me full time. One is living with her boyfriend. The other girl, the oldest, tried semi-living with hers but he’s broke and has no car and so she was in and out of my house for food and money. And then…her grades came in for this past semester. So, she got this ultimatum: Either you are at home each night that you must attend school the next day or you will need to pack your clothes and go live with him and come visit me for Sunday lunch only.

Yeah, I was serious. And her grades are now excellent. Boyfriend is pissed. But who cares? I sure as hell don’t.

The downside of all this is that she’s not a morning person. Now she knows that every morning I am going to wake her up at six-fifteen in order to shower, dress, do make-up, eat breakfast and get to an eight o’clock class. But every morning this is what I get:

“OMG! I hate my life! I have not slept all night long. The dogs drove me crazy. I’m not going to my eight o’clock.” And all of this is said to the TOP of her lungs. The house vibrates with her yelling.

How can a person wake up yelling? She does it EVERY single morning.

My reply to her is always the same. “Then you’ll have plenty of time to pack your bags and get them dropped off at your boyfriend’s house before the ten o’clock class.” Yep, I’m serious.

By the way, boyfriend lives with his mama.

Then there is the boy to deal with. He’s fourteen, six feet tall, 210 lbs. He’s a big one. And trust me, he’s a solid wall. He is the exact opposite of her. While she is running around screaming—damning the dogs and life in general—he is still in bed with the covers over his head. I have to call his name thirty or forty times, shake him, in order to get him to groan. To get him ready it requires me steadily telling him what to do and when to do it.

Most mornings I find him sitting in a chair with one sock and shoe on and the other set sitting in his lap with his head leaned back in the chair, eyes closed and mouth wide open. Yep, he’ll fall back to sleep in a heartbeat if you don’t stay after him.

But when he and his sister cross paths? The world doesn’t really need to worry about Iran or Korea having nuclear weapons. I’ve got ‘em right here. Mushroom cloud every single morning.

Inevitably they stray into each other’s path or one says something the other takes exception to. This morning the boy told the girl that her hair was sticking up in back. Now had I told her that she would have gone straight to the bathroom and dealt with it. But since it was him? Oh no. She took that as him making fun of her hair. So she whirled on him.

“You need to mind your own damn business!”

“Well you need to comb your hair!”

“If I go to school bald it’s none of your damn business!”

“If you’re bald, your boyfriend will break up with you. He probably wants to anyway ‘cause you’re such a bitch!.”

“Well at least I can get someone to love me. You don’t even HAVE a girlfriend!”

Now he stands up and gets in her face, towering over her. “I could if I want to but I’m scared she’ll be too much like you!”

“Not with that big damn pimple on your chin!”

Rutro…he shoves her. Rutro…she shoves him back. Rutro…Tess jumps between them. OUCH!
Rutro…Tess is on her ass. And it’s flat. Remember yesterday’s post? No padding to speak of.

Things got quiet.

The boy reaches down and lifts me up. I’m 5’2. She’s 5’8 and like I said, he’s 6’0. I’m at a big disadvantage physically speaking but thank god I have a TALL personality. Soooo…this is what they got:

And then… “You both have five minutes to finish dressing and get the hell out of my house.”

He says (He’s always hungry. Can’t fill him up. When he isn’t hungry is how I know he’s sick.):
“But I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“I’ll give ya ten bucks for Bojangles.” And to her, I said: “Don’t let your road rage fling your brother through the windshield this morning.”

And then I stalked into my office and sat down at the comp to vent all my feelings here to all of you. Aren’t ya happy I did that? LOL Ya know...I'm beginning to believe I could sell my life as one of those TV reality shows. Can you picture it?

Erotic romance writer crafts steamy stories of sex and love while dealing with the ordinary day-to-day BULLSHIT.

Writing is where I find my solace and gain my strength. Only four more days until Twelve Days of Love releases. Friday, February 11.


Sarah Masters said...

My goodness me. My stomach rolled over when you said you'd landed on your arse. Households and teens...they just do my head in at times. I feel your pain.

You know, I heard a phrase once, that went something like this: Teens were made to be so horrible because by the time they leave home, you're glad to see them go.

It does make letting them go easier when you've had the past few years with moods, bickering, general angst etc, I'm sure of it. I'll let you know when it happens to me. LOL.


Faith said...

ROFLMAO! Been there, done this many times! Oh, and that includes the physical scuffles too.

I'm lucky, tho. I'm tall, so I get to tower over my kids. However, the oldest boy is about three inches taller than I am, but that doesn't stop me one bit...and he knows it so he doesn't push my buttons anymore, lolol!

Anthology Authors said...

I'm not there yet, but judging from the arguments my daughter and I already have at 6, I'm in trouble. When she has enough she sleep and she's fed, all's well in the world. If not, God help you.

Faith said...

HAHAHA, I love it now that I can tell someone with a small child (Jade is in such trouble, lmao) that the easy stuff is now. Wait until they hit the pre-teen and teen years. That's why they invented hair color!

Miss Havana said...

OMG! I strongly recommend you buy one of those small cattle prods, or perhaps a commercial Taser gun. Simply press the "Add to Cart" button, and for $45 you too can have the 400,000 volt Streetwise model at your disposal. You'll only have to tell 'em once with that baby on your hip!

Gracen Miller said...

I followed Faith's post from Got Romance Authors yahoo group to here. I think your reality TV series would be a HUGE hit!

To use your word...Rutro, I'm just hitting the teen years and boy-oh-boy can a 13 year old boy be mouthy. All the girl texting and calling is irritating. Can't sit down to a meal without the phone vibrating with a text message. Looks like I'm headed for some troublesome times.


Nancy Naigle said...

Wow! You are brave. There is something to be said for just having a husband and two labs, who want nothing but a pat on the head, in the house ;)

Wishing you a quiet morning.
in quiet rural Virginia

Kate Richards said...

Years of mourning my lack of children but as an aunt, I am the queen, the wonderful person, the one they tell about their evil and unreasonable parents. I listen and refrain from criticizing either side (they don't want me to talk anyway, they just want me to listen), but I have witnessed them enter the age of hormonal insanity, and my thoughts are with you! Of course my poor, child-blessed siblings want me to listen too, they have on occasion pointed out that I don't know anything about their troubles, but have to come to me because I love the evil-doingm unreasonable children as much as they do!

Faith said...

My youngest dau thinks I've committed sacrilege because my cell has no texting, no Internet, and no unlimited calling.

Her big brother gave her his old phone which is a Smartalk with unlimited everything. He has no idea what kind of can of worms he's opened, lmao!

Gracen Miller said...

Faith, the funny thing is, I can't hear my own cell phone vibrate, but I can hear his vibrate from across the room. I can't tell you how many times I've said, "if that thing vibrates one more time"...when it vibrates again, I make him shut it off or leave the room. We're on the unlimited everything plan too and I've caught him texting long after he's supposed to be asleep.


Melissa Bradley said...

LMAO Tess! How do you do it? I live with my brother and I get my nephew off to school every morning. He's 11 going on 41 but he is not a morning person. I go in there and yell "Wake Up, you Sleepyhead and haul that heinie outta bed." After about three or four repeats, I get a grunt, which is universally translated to "Auntie Mo, I'm conscious." A few shakes and I get a two or three more grunts to be interpreted as "I'm up, but not ready to actually move. What's for breakfast."

Tess MacKall said...

I have hardwood floors. I am definitely walking a little funny. Kind of twisted my hip. lol They didn't mean for me to end up on the floor. And I'll definitely know better than to step in between them again. Next time I'll throw cold water on them. lol

And that makes sense about being glad to see them go. Really does. lol

Tess MacKall said...

Well, this was a first for me, Faith. My kids have actually been involved in very few scuffles.

And apparently being shorter doesn't stop me either. lol Ouch...butt still stings a bit.

Tess MacKall said...

The smarter a kid is, the worse it is in my opinion. They always have a comeback for ya, Marci. And the older they get the more bound and determined they are to let you know what they think too.

Tess MacKall said...

I think I've decided to try something they can understand, Ms. Havana---bribery.

I've developed a good behavior point system today while I've been thinking on all of this. At the end of the week they could earn twenty bucks each just for being good. They might like that.

Of course they don't know that will be taken out of what I already spend on them. hee hee hee

Tess MacKall said...

Hiya Gracen,

Honey, that cell phone thing is ridiculous. My girls cannot be without theirs. The boy doesn't care. As a matter of fact, I pretty much doubt he even knows where his is right now.

But the girls---especially the oldest is constantly texting. She sends about 4K a month. I really have not figured out when she sleeps or studies.

As they get older that whole adding in the opposite sex thing to the equation really makes it bad.

Tess MacKall said...

LOL I hear ya, Nancy. I keep reciting this mantra:

In three more years I will be legally able to boot them all out the door.


Yeah, right. I mentioned something about moving this morning and the oldest immediately snapped: "Not without me." She can't stand the thought of me being out of her reach. Neither can the boy. He's headed for the military according to him. Not sure his sergeant is going to appreciate the need to have me close. lol

Tess MacKall said...

Kate...it's something to deal with raging teenagers. I AM these kids' Aunt. I've had the boy since he was one and the girls since five and six. So they are the children of my heart. Never had any of my own.

But they see me as Mom and I see them as mine. So I don't get to be the doting Aunt. lol Actually, I am Mom, Dad, Aunt--whatever. I've done boy scouts, girl scouts, PTA, Disneyworld, youth groups galore, school plays. Held their heads over the toilet when they vomit. Held their hands when they were scared, you name it, I've done it.

I'm so in tune with them I can actually place my hand on their foreheads and tell you within a tenth or two what their temperature is. lol

You can definitely love nieces and nephews as if they were on. I think it holds true with any child that comes into your life. I don't know how my life would be without these children, but it looks like I'm getting ready to find out in a couple of years. We'll see.

Tess MacKall said...

Faith, I've got unlimited everything on my cell plan. But I'm telling you, all that texting is ridiculous that the oldest does. She can't talk on the phone anymore. When she entered 7th grade she got her first cell phone. And she was constantly going over in minutes. But once texting finally came along? That was it. It's all texting now.

Tess MacKall said...

If it were just the boy and me in this house, Melissa, I'd never have one second of trouble. Let him sleep, let him eat, let him play X Box. That's all he needs. Easy kid for sure. But tossing a sis into the mix is like throwing gasoline on a fire.

I think I'll blog tomorrow about the two sisters and the one scuffle they got into. Thinking back? That was damn funny.

Faith said...

Tess, I hate talking on the phone, always have (Marci you and my mother are the only ones who have ever kept me on the phone longer than 10 minutes, lmao), so I wouldn't mind having text on my cell, but the problem is that I text and say what I have to say, period. Others text me constantly (I know this from using my oldest dau's phone her fiancée bought her), so I'd have to have unlimited texting anyway if I got it, rofl.

Tess MacKall said...

I hate texting. But I hate talking on the phone too. I have unlimited because of the oldest.It's her thing for sure. Four thousand text messages a month is a freaking whole lot. I think I might do ten a day. And they are with HER. Well, my sis can text me a bit much sometimes too. And the boy will text me from school. But I don't do a lot. I can't imagine that much texting.

Anthology Authors said...

Tess, her story changes too. For instance, this morning I was in the back bathroom getting dressed. There's no heat back there, so I have a little space heather running just when I am in there. She comes in and steps right in front of the space heater. (Mind you, she's clothed and I am topless at that point.) She says to me with a smile, "Oops, I accidentally stepped in front of the heater. Sorry, Mommy." Um, yeah, I'm buying that line of bull. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Anthology Authors said...

Faith, mine isn't into talking on the phone yet. (g) That will change soon enough, I'm sure.

Tess MacKall said...

LOL Marci. She's gonna be a handful for sure.

Brindle Chase said...

Ack.... ummm... well... *Hugs*

ev said...

I am so glad those years are behind us. Except when the youngest is home from college, then I want to run away screaming. You'd think by now she'd act her age- or at least close to it! But no, it's like she's 16 again!

I did make the rule long ago that ALL cellphones will be off for meal times. And if they weren't I took the batteries out. And if that didn't work, I put a temp stop on the whole thing for a day or two or three. God forbid the house phone rang. You did not want me to answer it. I am a regular, class A bitch at times. :)

Janice said...


Your post makes me glad I only have the one, lol. But she fights with her dad like he was an older brother and not her dad, go figure.