Friday, 1 July 2011

The Sexual Double Standard

Erotica author Fiona McGier joins us today. Her topic is one close to my heart. Well, actually, another part of my anatomy. (g) However, like her, I am a one-man woman, but I believe that women should have the choice without the stigma. Go, Fiona!

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Okay, so I'm about fed up with hearing men defend the recent infidelity peccadilloes of celebrity men as being due to that old canard of: Men need to spread their seed. Monogamy is not natural for them! Oh yeah? And it's natural for women? What are we--just fallow fields sitting around waiting patiently to get noticed by some man with his plow at the ready? Sheesh!

I'm about to put forth an opinion that might not be shared by many women, but in actuality it has more of a basis in nature than some male's tired old defense. Women are actually the ones who benefit the least from monogamy. That's right! Men who marry are taken care of, have better health, get to ensure their children grow up as they want them to, etc. When the wife dies first, unless the widower gets married soon after that, he usually follows soon after her, because his entire support network is now gone--the only one he ever shared his inner self with was his wife.

On the other hand, for women the main benefit of being married is that they can get laid regularly without being slut-shamed by both men and other women! Back when I was in high school during the 70s, I figured that by the time I was raising my own kids, the sexual revolution would have ended and no longer would anyone find it noteworthy if a woman was in charge of her own sexuality. I figured that those who wanted lots of partners would be left alone by those who don't. Boy, was I wrong!

Here are some words from that famous feminist (he really was!) Mark Twain, in his post-humously published Letters from the Earth:

During 23 days in every month (in the absence of pregnancy) from the time a woman (matures) until she dies of old age, she is ready for action, and competent...every day, competent every night. Also, she wants that --yearns for it, longs for it, hankers after it.

But man is only briefly competent...from the age of 16 or 17 thenceforward for 35 years. After 50 his performance is of poor quality...whereas his great-grandmother is as good as new. (Note: male performance-enhancing drugs had not been invented yet in his day.)

Men set the rules for women without consulting the woman, although she has a thousand times more at stake in the matter than he has. His procreative competency is limited...hers is good for 3,000 a year many years as she may live...yet instead of fairly and honorably leaving the making of the law (of monogamy) to the person who has an overwhelming interest at stake in it, this immeasurable hog, who has nothing at stake in it worth considering, makes it himself!

You have heretofore found out, by my teachings, that man is a fool: you are now aware that woman is a damned fool.

So while I understand that not every woman wants sex all of the time, thinks about it constantly, and reads or writes about it when she is not actively involved with doing it, I also say that since we women possess the only organ in the body that has no other function than to give us sexual pleasure, that we are the ones who should be out playing the field, since we are not only ready most of the time, but capable of enjoying ourselves immensely almost every day of our lives! And since we usually outlive men, we are the ones who should be pursuing younger partners who have the energy to keep up with us!

And also we women need to stand up and defend our right to own our own sexuality. Some of us will want to have sex with many partners, either individually or in groups, and no one has a right to sit in judgment or call us names for that! Some of us will choose not to, and there should be no name-calling for that either. Everyone has an appetite for sex, just like an appetite for food. Some are satiated more easily than others. But I'm sick and tired of women being maligned and insulted for doing what nature has designed us to do, which is enjoy having sex, while men are given a wink and a pass to do what comes naturally. Really? I've had male friends ask me if I would rather be a man, so that no one would judge me. I told them I'd never give up multiple orgasms!

Note: I've been happily-married for 27 years to the man I met 30 years ago. We have 4 adult children, but have worked hard to keep the romance alive in our marriage. I never wanted to marry, never wanted to have kids. He sure changed my mind!

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Two For Tuesday, from Whiskey Creek Press/Torrid, is coming soon.


Dr. Marcus Jones is world-famous for inventing a procedure to make cardiac surgery quicker and safer. He has achieved much in the ten years since he graduated from medical school, including accumulating more wealth than he had ever dreamed of growing up in the projects in Chicago. The one area in his life that he has not been successful at is his personal life. His lawyer-wife is divorcing him, but then he was never head-over-heels in love with her. He has only felt that way about one woman...the one he dated back in college...the one who "got away". But he didn't get to be rich and famous by not pursuing his dreams. When he finds her name on the internet he contacts her, determined to see if he can rekindle what they once had together back when he could only spare one night a week away from his studies, and his world revolved around Tuesdays.

Set-up for excerpt: As a medical student on a full scholarship, Marcus only allows himself one night every two weeks off from his studies, since his classwork is so demanding. One night in a bar he performs the Heimlich maneuver on a woman who is choking. Her friends hustle her out the door soon after that. Two weeks later he goes to the same bar for his customary one beer. A very sexy woman saunters up to him and sits next to him, explaining that she is the one whose life he saved.


"I wanted to think of something I could do to really thank you for saving my life and all. If I could cook, I'd make you dinner, but I'm not really very good in the kitchen. If I could bake, I'd make you cookies, but ditto there. I don't know you well enough to write you a poem, and anyway that's really cheesy, considering you saved my life and all. But there is something I'm really good at."

She paused, really looking at him now, studying him, as if he were a bug under a microscope.

"You're kind of a quiet guy, aren't you?"

He nodded, still unable to make words come out, while his dick throbbed angrily against the zipper of his jeans, as if accusing him of neglect. The smell of her perfume and her skin was intoxicating him, and he was afraid that if she leaned any closer, he would not be able to stop himself from throwing her across the table and tearing her clothes off. He tried not to stare at her erect nipples that threatened to tear holes in her tee shirt, but he was still blushing from what he was imagining, so it was difficult to look her in the eye.

"But you are kind of cute, in an under-fed, nerdy kind of way. Tell you what...what I'm really good at, is screwing. In fact I'm trying to get the college to let me minor in it!"

She smiled at him while his jaw dropped open.

"So, if you're up for it, after we finish our beers we can stroll back to my place, where I conveniently have more beer in the fridge. Then I can really thank you for saving my life! How's that?"

Marcus had not thought it to be possible for his dick to get even harder than it was, but it twitched and throbbed as he imagined burying himself between her thighs. He briefly wondered if he had died and gone to Heaven, but he couldn't remember any kind of accident that might have precipitated him being presented with what he wanted the most. Here was one of the best-looking women he had ever seen up close: long, wavy brown hair with red streaks, light skin with freckles all over...hmm, I wonder just how much of her body has freckles? Thin, but not too thin to have nice tits, nice hips...and the heat radiating off of her was burning him even though they were barely touching. And she wasn't expecting him to buy her dinner, or even to buy her a drink. She was offering to have sex with him, seemingly with no strings attached. In fact her hazel eyes were laughing across the table at him, as if she was daring him to refuse her.

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For more information on Fiona and her writing, visit her website.


Gem Sivad said...

Amen to all the above. Great post on double-standards. And I loved the Mark Twain snippet.

Molly Daniels said...

I love the premise of Two For Tuesday!!! Great excerpt, and I'm with you: My soul mate was the only one to change my mind about marriage and kids, ha ha:) And no guilt whatsoever about my 'weekend anatomy' in college!

Anthology Authors said...

HAHAHA, Molly. I had a period of flavor of the week for a while. I was up for marriage, but not for kids...until I met my husband. Now we've got one. (g) However, I told him from the beginning that I didn't want any and wasn't likely to change my mind.

Anthology Authors said...

Actually, I wasn't up for marriage until about 31. (g) I couldn't even say the "m" word in conjunction with my name. HAHAHAHA The flavor of the week only last a year or so, but it was fun while it lasted. ;)


Brooklyn Ann said...

Awesome post. Yet another reason to love Mark Twain. As a woman with great appetite, I concur. Except he was wrong about pregnancy. I still was in the mood then.

Robyn M Speed said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teresa K. said...


Fiona, this was a fantastic piece. You really hit the nail on the head girlfriend.

Our society hasn't grown very much that's for sure. If a man has a lot of women he's a player. If a woman has a lot of men she's a hole. What's up with that.

Congratulations on being married for such a long time. I'm glad to see marriages still like that. The new book sounds awesome. Congrats and happy release day.


Faith said...

Hi Fiona!

Have you ever seen that program on...I think it's Discovery, that talks about how women unknowingly scope out the better mates? OMG, it's amazing how there are so many invisible triggers and signals in the "mating" dance. Very interesting program that goes great with your post.

trinity said...

Wonderful post Fiona my mother often quotes Mark Twain to me. I'll have to show her this one she'll get a kick out of it. But you are so right my husband and I have been married almost 15 years on the 11 and I tell you what if it wasn't for the kids I'd be on the hunt.

Faith said...

LOL, go get 'em, Trin!

P.A.Brown said...

I got thoroughly sick and tired of the double standard 30 some years ago. I was sexually active. It disgusted me when, after sex with a guy he'd call me a slut. I snapped back more than once "Will what about you, jackass? What were you doing while we were screwing?

The sexual revolution didn't do a damn thing and I think part of the blame for that lies with us women. We were too willing to accept the labels and take the blame for being a 'slut' or 'slutty'.

And it wasn't just men using the term. Women would use it against rivals. I've found some women to be nastier to other women than any man has been. Which is probably one reason the sexual revolution and women liberation didn't succeed as well as it could have. We were too busy backstabbing each other and let the men just sit back and enjoy the cat fight.

Faith said...

Ugh! Pat, that is so true! It's like college and high school. The guys will get into a spat, but it's soon over. Women, however, hold grudges and keep stirring the crap on a regular basis. Probably why 95% of my friends in high school were guys. Seemed like every time I had a female friend she'd stab me in the back, and it was usually over something stupid like her boyfriend smiling at me or the pair of heels my mother found at a yard sale that the girl thought were expensive store-bought shoes, lol.

And why is it that women call one another sluts, anyway? I got that label a few times, but only had two steady boyfriends throughout school. Heck, I didn't give up my virginity until I got married!

Faith said...

Fiona, one of your commenters clicked on the wrong link, so it's on my brief 4th of July post above this one. I don't know how to move comments, lol.

Janice said...

Amen. Did you know that there is many names for a promiscuous woman but none for a man? I did find one but it's new--Himbo.


Fiona McGier said...

Thanks so much for all of your supportive comments! I figured I'd hit a nerve by preaching to the choir here!
And Janice, my daughter calls a guy who is a player a "man-whore". She's 17 and still refers to friends who like sex as sluts...I usually remind her that she is describing what I used to be like. She will laugh and say, "Mom? You were a slut?" I will correct her, "That's MRS. Slut to you, girlie! And how do you think I got so good that I was able to convince your dad he didn't need any other woman?"
Then she sticks her fingers in her ears, yells, "TMI!" and leaves the room. Yeah, we have fun family discussions around here!

James L. Hatch said...

Okay, this will be a shock to you, but there is another side to the stereotypes none of you has touched upon. I call it the death of the American male. The constant railing against men has been successful. From lopsided divorce rulings, to differential punishment for sex crimes, to depiction of the blatant stupidity of males in nearly every advertisement, males are bashed. While I had a very successful career, I witnessed women being promoted to insure quotas were met. No, don't get me wrong. I was raised by my mother at a time when the opposite was true -- she wasn't promoted when she should have been. It's like there is some invisible swinging pendulum out there that can't find the center. It's always overcompensating in one direction or the other. Anyway, I think the current trend is to bash males just for the fun of it, and I see many young men now giving up. Colleges enroll more women than men, and it will only get worse. For some reason, young men are attempting to live down to the low expectations set for them. It angers me, but I am far too old to do anything about it (BTW, I only had girl children, and yes, I encouraged them to do the best they could). From a sexual perspective, I can't really comment. The only permissive male I've ever known was my brother, but he was a jackass. In fact, I never understood why women found him attractive...but they did. Ditto my wife's older son. I studied my way through the "sexual revolution" in the 60's -- I had no interest in any of that then, and none now. Maybe everyone would be happier if things went the way of Frank Herbert's "White Plague." In the interim, I would encourage every mother and grandmother to set high expectations for their young men, including being faithful to their word in all things and at all cost.

Pommawolf Emeraldwolfeyes said...

Kudos for the outstanding post...*S*
I've been married to the same man for 35 years. I was 16, and he 19 and never wanted to marry until I completed high school. He chased & chased. And here were are. Two adult grown children, and finally out of the nest on their own...LOL.
Your words are so dead on, and I could not have said it any better..*S*
Thank you for stepping up to the plate and saying the words that so many of we women know and feel...*S*

Thank for the contest to win one of your great books too!


pommawolf AT hotmail DOT com

Fiona McGier said...

James, until there are an equal number of women in the boardrooms of the world, I'm afraid you aren't going to have me cheering for your arguments. I have 3 sons and 1 daughter. I have tried to raise them all to do their best. My opinion is that the USA is voluntarily dumbing itself down, that's why there are fewer men in college. Men feel entitled to run things because of their plumbing, but women are determined to prove that they can do it better. So men, especially white men, feel put-upon because they are not automatically the first hired and last fired anymore...they have to compete on an even field, and they are pouting like toddlers. Suck it up, boys, grow a pair, and show us what you've got! If you are dumb as a rock, expect to be poor. If you are smart, prove it, no matter who threatens to beat you up for being a nerd. That's what we women have always had to do, going back to when I was in a boardroom with 14 men, and despite my complaints about being over-worked, when I gave my notice, they promoted 2 men, split my work in half, and gave them both my salary.

BTW, I used to ask the 14 white men in my division which made them more uncomfortable, the idea of me, a white woman being in their meetings, so they couldn't make sex jokes (not the ones that degraded women), or promoting a black man to their boardroom, so they'd be unable to make racial jokes. They'd make faces at me and tell me I asked stupid questions. Yeah...

Jaime Samms said...

Totally late to chime in on this, but a resounding "YEAH!" You go. I, too am happily married and reaching that point in my life where he's content to be cuddle roomies and I'm...not. lol! But you know, if I go around saying I want it more than my husband does, people are going to look at me like a slutty little freak (not that I act on it, just that it's there, you know?) and not believe he isn't as interested as I am because...well, he's the guy and I'm the married old housewife. What kind of insane double standard is that? I mean, I know what I'm living, right?

Jaime Samms said...

James, you bring to mind something that has had me really bothered. Over my last work contract I met this young guy. Amazing guy. Smart, funny, sweet, nice to his mom, a little silly and out there sometimes, but also, down to earth and honest. And he'd keep saying things like "I know. Stupid thing to say. I'm a guy. What do you expect?" And it drove me nuts. Because that kind of self-bashing makes me crazy. There's enough shit in the world, we don't need to put it on ourselves, and for the message you're talking about to be so ingrained in this guy and his world that he takes for granted I would have agreed with him and that every woman he meets thinks it just....Ugh. I don't know how many times I heard him say something like that and had to remind him not all women think that way, but it did make me step back and wonder.