Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Jerks Behind Keyboards

The amount of online dating sites I see advertised is mind-boggling. I have nothing against online dating, and from what I understand, many single people have actually found a marriage partner through them.

What I do detest, however, are knuckleheads who believe Facebook and Myspace are dating sites.

Seriously, do people not read a person’s profile before sending him or her private email, giving out their phone numbers, begging you to call them? If I had a dollar for every creeper who has hit on me at both these sites, I could go out for a really nice dinner!

It states very clearly on my profiles that I am happily married. Hello? Two key words here: happy and married. It states very clearly on my profiles that I am a mother. Hello again. Key word: mother.

Point in case. At one time, so many jerks were hitting on me at myspace that I put a sentence up with my profile pic stating that my profile has “happily married” listed on it. If they couldn’t respect that, I’d report them to myspace.

Guess what? Two guys were brazen enough to contact me regardless.

There was even one who tracked me down through Yahoo because I used to post my book excerpts and new release info on my old blog there. I found out the guy lived in my area, and because I wrote erotic romance, he thought I’d be into doing questionable acts. Uh, no.

However, it seems like some people out there think if you write erotic romance you must be a perv, cheat on your spouse, and will run off with a perfect stranger just for the chance of scoring a free fruity drink—and I imagine what’s actually fruity is an entirely different ballgame.

Look at all the sex and sex-related topics that’s on television. Does the fact that I happen to be watching re-runs of Frasier when a condom commercial comes on make me a sex-starved pervert? Apparently it must, because there have been several dudes who have emailed me and stated things like, “Wow, you write erotic romance. You must be wild in bed. Call me at...”

Puh-leeze, dude. Get over yourself. You must be a certified jackass to contact me like that. Don’t call me, don’t email me, and do the world a favor: stay away from keyboards!


Shameless plug!!!

I have a new release. Emerald Fire, the first book in my Fire & Ice Saga.

Caught between two worlds, Honey becomes Freya’s pawn in a game of love and war.

Betrothed to the young and cruel Kaedric, Honey resigns herself to a life of unhappiness. On the night of her eighteenth birthday, she goes into the Great Woods where the goddess Freya appears to her.

Freya gives Honey a choice: marry Kaedric and pay off her family’s debts, or wed the Green Man, a mighty Faerie king who has been haunting her fantasies for months. To escape Kaedric, Honey agrees to m

arry King Roahre. However, once their marriage is consummated, unexpected revelations stun Honey, and she realizes she’s a pawn in Freya’s sinister plot.

Can Honey and Roahre’s love survive the ultimate test?


The evening drew to a close, and Honey let out a huge sigh of relief as Kaedric and his father stepped out onto the front stoop. If she could get through the next part of the betrothed custom, she would have the rest of the night to enjoy without Kaedric’s warm, suggestive glances and smiles.

“Son, I will fetch the horses and wait for you by the gate,” Jorgus stated. “I leave you to your moment with your lovely bride-to-be.” He turned to Honey and bowed. “Daughter, I welcome you to my family and bid you goodnight.”

Honey watched his wide frame amble down the footpath leading to the barn. The deepening twilight enveloped him as he stepped into the shadows surrounding the lower garden.

“It is the couples’ moment to bond,” Amberon announced to Honey’s sisters, but her pointed gaze landed on Shandy. “Let us go inside and leave them in peace.”

Giving Honey a helpless look, Shandy stalked off into the shadows behind the cottage while their siblings followed Mother into the cottage.

Immediately, Kaedric grasped Honey’s hand and tugged her toward the path leading down to Amberon’s goldfish pond.

“I fear your cousin does not like me much,” he said quietly. “Perhaps since he is a distant cousin, and therefore not immediate family, he desires to wed you instead?”

Honey wanted so much to pull her hand from his, but instead gritted her teeth. A thought occurred to her.

Maybe she could shake Kaedric’s faith in their betrothal. “I could marry Shandy, and mayhap that is his plan. I have known him since Mother adopted him, and I would make him a good wife because we are long-time friends, thus we have a solid foundation for a union.”

“You may not like me much either,” Kaedric continued and squeezed her hand, “but that will change.”

“No, I do not like you and my feelings for you will never change.” It felt wonderful to be so honest with the Beautiful Boring Oaf, but she restrained herself from being cruel with her honesty. However, her boasting about Shandy had shaken her. Why should such a claim bother her? As Kaedric tugged her along, she shelved the thought for later contemplation.

“That will change in time,” he replied with assurance as he helped her down a small set of stone steps.

“When you start bearing my children, you will not have time to hate me, but soon come to realize that you have grown to love me.”

Honey shook her head. “No, I won’t.”

“You are young and will change your mind.”

Laughter bubbled out of Honey. “You are an arrogant ass. You call me young when you are but six fortnights older than I!”

A shadow passed over Kaedric’s smooth, handsome face. “Do not laugh so quickly, my betrothed. Father has already paid your mother in part silver and part gold for your hand in marriage to me.”

“Coins can be returned.”

“Not if it has been spent.”

“She has not spent it for she only received the money tonight.”

A sly smile stretched Kaedric’s full-lipped mouth. “There are several sisters under one roof who need and desire many things. The money will go quickly, and you will have no choice but stay true to our parent’s bargain.”

“Did I mention that you are an arrogant ass?” Honey said sweetly, her distaste for Kaedric roiling in the depths of her belly.

He grabbed her, pulling her roughly against his body. The perfume upon his tunic assailed Honey’s nose, leaving a peculiar taste in her mouth. A good head taller than she, Kaedric looked down at her with a smug, satisfied expression, his eyes full of triumph.

“You are such a fair woman with your golden hair and captivating eyes, but your tongue leaves a lot to be desired. Perhaps I shall buy you a nice muzzle until you learn to respect me?”

“You will always be an arrogant ass. It is who you are. I see it in your eyes. The soul windows never lie, but my mother is too desperate for wealth to pay debts and buy necessities to pay attention and realize her mistake!”

Pushing against his chest, Honey tried not to gag on his overwhelming odor of flowers and musk oil. “You might have nice tunics embroidered with bright silks and boots of the softest leather, but you smell like the fodder you are!”

Rage flashed in Kaedric’s eyes. His mouth curled up in a vicious sneer and his hand flew back. Shutting her eyes, Honey winced as his one hand squeezed her upper arm and she awaited the stinging slap that would knock her backward. Instead, he jerked her against him once more, his mouth seizing hers in a wet, clumsy kiss.

She struggled in his arms, shrieking in outrage against his lips. Stamping her foot in hopes of hurting one of his, her heel connected with a sharp stone that sent pain flying up into her ankle.

Kaedric tugged on her skirts, hiking the material up, sliding his hand beneath it, his fingers seeking out her most intimate spot.

Revulsion exploded within Honey. She broke the kiss, gasping for air. “No! Get your hands off of me, you swine!”

Laughing, Kaedric’s fingers tugged at the ties to her undergarment. “Your eighteenth birthday is tomorrow night. The following morning, we shall be husband and wife. It is my right to sample what is now rightfully mine.”

“Let go of me!”

“I shall have much enjoyment taming you.” He chuckled evilly.

“Let go of her or I shall enjoy choking the life from your body,” Shandy said from the shadows. “My cousin is not yet your wife.”

Kaedric stiffened his body rigid against her. Slowly, he released her and stepped aside.

“Your father waits at the gate with the horses,” Shandy continued stepping out from the darkness shrouding a nearby apple tree. “I suggest you get on your horse and ride back to the village before I decide to hurl you there.”

“Surely, you do not want to make an enemy out of your future kin?” Kaedric asked as he smoothed his tunic and backed away.

“Makes no mind to me.” Shandy advanced toward Honey sliding a protective arm around her shoulder. “I think this marriage is a farce and I shall do what is needed to stop it. My only concern is Honey’s happiness, and you do not make her happy.”

Kaedric grinned, but to Honey, the expression looked more like a sneer. He turned and walked down a path. “You are making a grave mistake, Shandy. I promise you that,” he called over his shoulder.

Buy from Breathless Press ~ ~ Kindle


Sharon Sullivan-Craver said...

Loved, loved your blog about the "idiots' who think that facebook and myspace are dating grounds. I am rolling and laughing, because that is how most guys think. I think it has something to do with their I also loved your blurb about your new book. Very very intriguing. Thank you for inviting me in to take a look see.

James L. Hatch said...

OMG. When I read things like this it makes me embarrassed to be part of the male gender. For what it's worth, not once have I been hit on by any on-line female. God, I hope only a few men are involved, and that it's not in the genes.

Kate Richards said...

Faith, you mean if I go out with one of these preverts and sleep with him I will get a fruity drink absolutely free? OMG! I'm sure my husband (who I met online over ten years ago...not in an icky way lol) would be fine with me doing that if he knew it came with a beverage! Dang. I know what you mean, though, and I guess there will always be guys like that out there.

Faith said...

Aw, thank you so much on both notes, Sharon!

And James, thank you for the laugh. 4SW knows you're a great guy, so you can always hide out here with us, lol.

Faith said...

ROFLMAO! Kate you just made my day. Good thing no one's around this morning, or they'd think I'd lost my mind because of all the laughing I'm doing in my office!

Jaime Samms said...

wow. O.o Takes all kinds, I suppose. Still. Eww. :(

Fiona McGier said...

This reminds me of a letter I once read in husband's Men's Health magazine, asking if a woman has tattoos, does that mean she's into kinky things? The "Girl Next Door" wrote back, "Unless her tattoo says 'I'm into ball gags and fetishes', NO!" Since I have multiple tattoos, I found that refreshing!

And yes, just because we write kinky hot sex scenes, it does NOT mean that we want you to "sext" us pictures of your privates, or that we want to see them at all...ever!
I "get my kinks on" with my husband, and believe me, I kissed a whole lotta frogs before I found my prince!

Faith said...

Fiona, I've had a coupla of those pictures of private parts sent to me, too, and I was appalled. How crude!

Anthology Authors said...

I've rarely been hit on online. Although I did have one guy request to become my friend on FB who thought with a "Damn your hot!" Needless to say, I did not accept his friendship. A number of years ago, I wasn't interested in dating anyone. I wasn't even interested in playing around. I just wanted a bit of a reprieve. This older man asked me out. I said, "No." (Even if I'd been dating people, I would have said, "No.") He insisted that a woman needed a man, and I didn't know what I really wanted. Yeah, no. I might have changed my mind if he looked like Adrian Paul (Pic) I'd have said, "Sure." He didn't. He was more on the level of Gary Busey. (g) I had another man, when I told him I was married, say, "So." Married means not interested, taken, not happening. At least, to me it does. Apparently, some people have a different definition.

Lorie Shewbridge said...

LOVED your rant!! It happens to me and I don't write erotica, I post about my son in the Army (who carries a big gun) and about Disney World. I just think some men are idiots, or they can't read. They see a pretty woman on FB or Twitter and get STOOPID!
Buy the way, your preview of "Emerald Fire" was so good, I had to buy it! Then of course I bought 2 more books from people in our group... Spreading the love around. I'm going to do some heavy reading and breathing this weekend!
HUGGLES everyone!

Janice said...

I've only been hit on once, thank God.

Anonymous said...

Phhtttt ;-P try being on the other side of it. I am a guy, and as you've seen from my books, I use real models, living ladies, for the covers of my stories. I have to be SOOOOOO CAREFUL when talking with them, as so NOT to offend them. I want their help, but at the same time, I have to watch what I say. They get creeps, twits, dicks, assholes, stalkers, and morons almost daily. I don't want to be lumped in with any of those low-life jerks. So, picking my words carefully is rule one when it comes to contacting a muse.

If I can do it when contacting ladies who do take their clothes off, then the rest of the male population can do it as well. A little respect goes a long way.

Faith said...

Marci, I once had a guy that would follow me around town. He'd show up in every story I'd be shopping in that day, drive up and down the street if I was out with the kids on their bikes and so on. One day he came up to me, and I knew what was coming. He asked me out, and I said, "Sorry, I'm married." His reply was, "So? I am too." Without missing a beat I replied, "And you should be ashamed of yourself." and walked away. Last time he bothered me.

Hi Lorie! Glad you enjoyed my li'l rant, lol, and thank you so much for buying my book! I hope you really enjoy it. Watch for Book II, Magic's Fiery Embrace in the coming weeks. Again, thank you!

Hi Lark! Kudos to you for choosing your words wisely no matter what the situation.

Anthology Authors said...

Well, I haven't run into that guy again, or if I have, I honestly don't remember him. (g)

It is frustrating. I think TV stars have this issue too. Whatever character the actor portrays, people seem to think they are. Could you imagine playing a vampire? People are not the brightest bulbs at times. (g)

DARRELX said...

I have to confess that I tried to flirt with this woman on facebook, whom was around my age. Truns out that she was a lesbien. I was not to heavy or pushy though. I was just looking for love in all the wrong places. But I am after true love though. Not sex. So my intentions were noble. A girl either likes you or they don't. There is nothing as sad as a guy who cannot see that. Love your picture. Mind if I use it on my blog. The one with Faith on it.