Do you ever wonder if you have a missing gene? At least one of the genes that makes you your gender? Sometimes, I do. According to society, in order for me to be a true woman, I must shave my legs, obsess over my hair, wear make up, and love high heels. If all do all of those things, I’m a true woman. Except I rarely wear make up, I rarely shave my legs, I don’t obsess over my hair, and high heels are about as exciting as cat throw up to me. So, it should come as no surprise to you that when I saw some galoshes with 3” wedges advertised in a Nordstrom’s catalog, I found this to be a bit blasphemous. (grin) On top of that, the price for a pair of impractical rain boots (you can’t puddle jump without taking a dump in heels), even on sale, is astronomical. ($98.90 instead of $175 -- Oooo… what a bargain! snort)
All of you women who claim that heels are comfortable I have one question for you: what drug are you on? For me, that’s the only explanation. Do they make my calves look nice? I guess, but the pain overrides any satisfaction.
My wandering mind wondered where high heels originated. A quick Google search brought up this link. And it made complete sense. Despite popular belief, high heels aren’t sexy. That’s not how they originated. It’s about how much money you have. You really had to be one of the gentility to wear them. Yes, gentility.
Think about it. How can heels be comfortable? I don’t care if they are Manolo Blahnik’s, you will not sell me on the so-called “comfort” of heels. I will gladly wear my flip flops, tennis shoes, Ugg slippers, or go barefoot first. But maybe they aren’t meant to be comfortable. Maybe it’s that very discomfort that’s supposed to denote gentility. I mean, who could be on their feet all day working in the fields in a pair of high heels without suffering horrible discomfort, disfigurement, and varicose veins?
High heels are not much different than the ancient Chinese practice of foot binding, in my mind.
Perhaps I’m not missing a gene. Perhaps it’s that my genes are really of peasant stock. My father’s family (at least part of them) comes from good pig farmer stock. I am sure a pig farmer is more practical than someone of gentility. You aren’t going to wear your Christian Louboutin’s slogging through a sty now, are you? I wouldn’t, but you probably wouldn’t find me wearing them anyway. At $695 for the cheapest pair, I just can’t imagine paying that much for something that will sit in the closet. Heck! I can’t see paying that much for a pair of shoes I’d wear every day period! (These aren't the cheapest pair. I’m not sure how much they cost, but it's more than I’ll ever be willing to pay. g)
Now, I could say that my genes from my mother’s side are noble…several generations back, but the marriages to a variety of peasants has sufficiently watered down that blue blood to a drop or two because Mom isn’t into heels either. (g) Of course, my sister Janna was, but she was only 5’3”. She was also a fashion plate. As you may have guessed, I am not. LOL
So, maybe I’m not missing a gene. Maybe my genes are exactly what they are supposed to be: peasant. And, you know, I’m okay with that because I’ll only wear heels if I have to. Otherwise, you’ll find me barefoot, in flip flops, or tennis shoes and my Ugg boots in the winter. (g) Besides, Charlie is distantly related to the British royals. So, perhaps the stench of the trough is enticing after all. ;)