Friday, 8 April 2011

Junque In The Trunk And Stoopid Men!

Welcome author Melissa Bradley to the Four Strong Women Blog. Melissa is a regular commenter here and an amazing author. Since most women are NOT a size 2, I think just about all of us will be able to identify with what she has to say here today. Sooooo...take it away, Melissa!


I have been dying to come on Four Strong Women for some time. I crack up every time I visit because it’s so good to know I’m not alone with some of these frustrations and that certain homicidal feeling that comes when dealing with extraordinarily stoopid people. Yes, I said stoopid because for these people there is a whole other level. My rant today concerns men and dating, a common problem to be sure, but as someone who carries a lot more junk in her trunk than I should, I find that there is a unique attitude reserved especially for those us of the voluptuous variety.

I want to know when overweight became a synonym for desperate. Last time I checked Roget’s, I saw chubby, fat, round and other more colorful terms, but no desperate. So why is it when I was out with some friends not too long ago, that a certain ass came up behind me, leaned in and said (I’m not shitting you) “You have a spankalicious fat ass, Big Mama. Let’s get it on.” No greeting, no introduction, not even a name. And the worst part? He was not even drunk.

After I refrained from ripping his twig and berries off, I informed him that I was not that desperate, that I would rather blister from radiation poisoning than to suffer his touch. His reply of course was “Fat bitch. At least I was willing to fuck you.” A red haze filled my vision and my friend restrained me as the bouncer escorted the “ignorant prick” (his word) outside. I mean, I know guys get drunk, high, etc and say things, but as was the case with this guy, there are a lot of stone sober men who think that just because they deign to approach me, I should automatically be willing to hit the sheets for some bedroom games.

I handled such jackasses with aplomb when I was in my twenties, but now that I’m older I thought that I would be encountering real men and not have to be bothered by such immaturity. Sadly, that’s not the case. A few months ago in another incident, I had a blind date with a not-too-shabby looking guy who was a few years older than me. I was looking forward to a good time as my friend assured me he was pretty cool. At least according to her husband. His face fell the minute I approached the table and I could tell he was disappointed that his date turned out to be overweight. Which is funny considering the paunch he was sporting. I’d seen the look a million times before so I braced myself and prepared to walk out. However, he was very polite and didn’t make the usual excuse for a quick exit so I stayed. We had a few laughs right off and I began to relax. Unfortunately, he started flirting with our pretty young waitress. Disappointment arrowed through me, along with a healthy dose of anger and I readied some excuse to leave.

When I called him on the flirting, he seemed stunned and made all these valiant protestations. I started to leave and well he got very contrite and much to my stupidity, I decided to remain. He was nicer after that and I ended up having a good time. Then he walked me to my car. I thanked him and he leaned in to kiss my cheek. Right in that moment, his true colors came roaring to the fore. He said, “I had a great time, how about we go back to your place so you can shimmy out of those big jeans and show me how you big girls do it.”

I went cold all over, then told him in no uncertain terms that if he wanted to see how this big girl did it, he’d never have sex again because I would break him. Then came the requisite response of “Don’t be such an uptight bitch. At least I was willing to touch you. Think about it. How many offers could a woman like you really get.” I can’t win. Where are the guys who don’t care about looks, who have a modicum of decent behavior? My family and friends wonder why I don’t like to date. I have tons of male friends who are great, but I just can’t seem to find a great one who wants to be more than friends. Arrgh!

Thanks for letting me vent. It helps to get it all out there. As a treat so I don’t end on a downer, I have an excerpt for you to read from my newest release, Byzantine Provocateur.

Byzantine Provocateur

Amber Quill Press/Amber Heat

ISBN 978-1-61124-072-6


An ancient city sparks forbidden desire…

Thalia Burton arrives in Istanbul to relax and enjoy the company of her old friend. Hoping to forget the boring rut her life had become, she never imagines one meeting with Fadi's brother re-igniting the dim flame of passion inside her. Captivated by the heat in his golden eyes, Thalia finds herself tempted beyond reason...

Murat Bahar had only intended to meet Thalia as a courtesy to his family. One look at the lovely American incinerates his intentions. She is an exquisite morsel he longs to taste, a taboo treat enthralling him like a siren of myth. Perhaps just one night…

Once is not enough. Thalia and Murat embark on a fiery, secret affair that could burn them both, costing them friends and family.


Thalia and Murat decide that one time together was not enough…

Pulse thundering, Thalia followed Murat as he drew her deeper into the gardens. She wondered what was up with him. He was going against everything he’d told her that day. He swept her along the twisting and turning paths, around topiary animals, past urns, statues and bushes, down until they emerged in a shadowed folly overlooking the Sea of Marmara.

The cool breeze nipped at her, tugging her upswept hair, chilling her skin as he faced her.

Murat slid a finger along her jaw, her neck, tracing a tingly path to her décolleté. He stared at the pendant nestled in the hollow of her throat, like he was trying to figure out exactly what to say.

She held her breath, the butterfly touch sending tiny thrills rushing along her nerves. This was crazy. If she were smart she’d turn around right now and find her way back up to the ballroom.

“Once was not enough, tatlim,” he said hoarsely.

“What?” Thalia wheezed, unable to get a deep breath.

His hands slid down, grasping her arms and drawing them around his neck, pulling her into the shelter of his body. The spice of him surrounded her, blending perfectly with the scents of garden and sea, a hypnotic perfume that drugged her senses.

“I think you understood,” he whispered, his palms gliding up to caress her back. His heat through the delicate silk radiated along her skin.

She glanced up, eyes widening at the intense emotions she found reflected in his glittery gaze.

“I have hungered for you these last days and nights.”

Desire rolled through her like a gathering thunderstorm.

Dear, Jesus, please, please don’t let me wake up.

She wanted to kiss him, to wrap herself around him like a vine and never let go, but… Her darned conscience nosed its way into her fun.

“You said all those things,” she managed in a surprisingly steady voice. “How can you just turn all that off? And what about Fadi, your parents?”

His arms tightened as he nuzzled his lips into her throat. He whispered to her in Turkish, as though he were too overcome to form the right words in English. The exotic syllables fell hotly against her sensitized skin and her breath caught at the tiny electric thrills.

He drew back, the moonlight rendering his golden eyes silver. The torment there matched her own.

“This is a quandary, I know, but you are a rare breath of sweet fresh air, Thalia. My world has become too narrow, too constricted. Always doing what others expect. I need to be with you, if only for a little while.”

No one had ever spoken with such passion to her before, had ever laid themselves so open. Reaching up, she traced a thumb over his firm lips, her gaze never leaving his, emotion making her throat tight.

Author Links


Tess MacKall said...

First off, wonderful excerpt, Melissa. This story is a real winner and I love the title and setting.

Now for the stoopid men. It's just one more reason to wonder if they were raised in a barn or what. Where in the hell do they get some of the ideas they get?

And why is it men never take a look at their flaws? I had a dear sweet, funny friend years ago who was voluptuous. Great style, great personality. Intelligent beyond any man for sure. But when it came to these kind of men, she just took it for granted she could do no better. And they made those same kinds of remarks to her too.

She didn't have the strength to say no for some reason. She considered it a compliment of sorts that they would want to touch her. We had many many discussions on this subject for sure.

I am not on the skinny side these days. And actually, I never was a size 2. I was always a tenish, sometimes smaller, sometimes bigger. And today? It's more! lol I've read blogs about relationships between men and women and keep seeing in these articles that men want more voluptuous women. That no man wants to make love to a damn clothes hanger. And then you see the reality of the situation. Makes no sense.

The overwhelming majority of women aren't size 2 and never will be. Men need to wake up and smell the damn coffee!

Melissa Bradley said...

Awww, thanks Tess! I'm so happy you liked my excerpt. It's a story that is very close to my heart.

It felt so good to talk about this, thank you! I, too, have a friend who dates men like this and I keep telling her that she is worth a million of them, but she just doesn't see it. I have a ton of self-esteem issues, myself, but I learned back in junior high and high school that I should never just let someone touch me. That I could set the boundaries I wanted. My mom, my cheerleading coach and my Spanish teacher are all amazing women who instilled that value in me. Mt dad, too, though he framed it in more colorful terms. :)

In college, I had an incident where I was kissing this guy and right as his hand slipped under my shirt, I felt cheap and I pushed him off and walked out. And this guy was a gentleman about it. We saw each other in class the following Monday and he was as friendly as he'd ever been. I said something and he replied "No harm, no foul. Still friends?" Man, I wonder where Marc is now and if there are any more like him.

Harlie Reader said...

Loved the excerpt and the post. I'm a size 18 on a good day and I can honestly say I've never had a guy do that to me when I was in the dating minefield. I think my saving grace was that I had boobs, too.

My husband had never dated a woman that actually had meat on her bones and boobs until we got together and we had the conversation about skinny women vs. voluptuous and for the life of him, he doesn't understand why he didn't go for the voluptuous women before me. Voluptuous women don't have the hang ups that skinny women do. We are more comfortable in our own skin, at least I am.

Men can be pigs as we know but those two take the cake. Urgh! I would have hit the first guy.

Harlie Reader said...

Just wanted to say that I love this blog.

Cassie Exline said...

Your book sounds great and a must read. As for the post, "stoopid" isn't strong enough word to describe such men but you handled those incidents with panache.

Molly Daniels said...

That just blew me away, about how some men can be so crass! The only thing I've ever heard is, back in my size 12 days, someone told me I had a 'good onion'. I didn't understand until another friend informed me it meant my backside.

All I can say right now is, thank god I'm off the market!

Great excerpt!!!

Molly Daniels said...

Oh and when did 'junk in the trunk' become a good thing? I've spent years trying to get RID of mine! (shaking my head)

Cherie Reich said...

Your excerpt and book look great.

As for the stoopid men, that's why I don't date. They are so not worth my time.

Melissa Bradley said...

Hi Harlie LOL I wanted to hit the first guy, too, but my friend restrained me or I probably would have been charged with assault. I'm so happy you enjoyed the excerpt and my little rant.

Melissa Bradley said...

Cassie, thank you so very much. I don't think there are words enough in English for these two. Perhaps they need their own subspecies.

Melissa Bradley said...

Molly, thank you! A good onion? I can't say that I've ever heard that term before. Gives one pause to think about the terms out there for female body parts.

Melissa Bradley said...

Cherie, I'm so happy you enjoyed the excerpt. I hear you. I rarely date anymore as I have not found anyone worth my time, either.

Rie McGaha said...

Wonderful post. You were much more restrained than I would've been, kudos on your self-control. Not only did you show restraint, you also showed that you are a true lady.

Rie McGaha

Faith said...

Oh, Melissa, you need to go out with us Four Strong Women! We're a force to be reckoned with and stand by our fellow 4SW groupies!

The nerve of some guys!

However, I've heard women say things about or two men that have made me wince and hurt for the guy, so this problem works both ways.

Patricia Pellicane said...

Take a look at what the real world offers and we all know why women read romances.
Oh it's no problem if a man has a beer belly, missing a few teeth and has a shiny spot on the top of their heads, as long as they've got that special package between their legs.
What they need is a mirror. What women need is to dump them on sight. See how many models they can attract.

Teresa K. said...

First of all I want to say the excerpt was really great for your new book.
Second of all, I'm one of those voluptious women. I use to model as a plus size model when I was in my late teens and early 20's.

I'm 5'8" and I have a hour glass figue. But I'm thick. No one beleives me when I tell them how much I weigh, because I carry it well.

I'm a beautiful woman on the outside and on the inside. But men can't seem to see pass the pounds. Especially men my age or older.

My son's friends tell him your mom is hot. These are 20 something young men. They don't look at us women like most men do. Especially Native American men.

I find that men outside my cultural are the ones who have problems with me being overweight and yes I've had men that think there doing me a favor by even speaking to me.
I had one man tell me you fat bitch I wouldn't touch if I could. I looked at him and asked him; "if he cared to retract that statement since he came to me and proprisition me". Men are f'ing Emotionally Retarted.

That can't see past the fascade of the appeareance. This is why so manny settle on the f'ing stepsister instead of the Queen or Princess. Maybe if they looked into the heart of the person they would get the woman who would treat them like they are a King. IMO.

Teresa K.

Michael said...

Wow, Melissa.

I agree with Rie, you really showed class. I'm not sure I could've done the same.

First off, despite my Blogger moniker and pseudonym, I am a woman. LOL

Second, I'm amazed someone has had the gaul to be that crass! WOW. When I was single, I never came across such asses/ B4 marriage, I was smaller but by modeling standards, I was still overweight, size ten.

Thirdly, the important thing is as women, we need to have confidence. Dont let these idiots get you down. I wish you success on being found by a man who will appreciate you for what you are.

And the book sounds great! Much success!

Laurann Dohner said...

Great excerpt! The book sounds fantastic. I've been on both sides of the weight coin. I was a size 3 until after my third child. By child #4 and some health issues, I was a size 22. I'm 5 foot 2. I've lost 50 pounds, took me a year and a half to do it, and am a size 12 now. Men are...jerks either way. When I was thin (blonde hair, blue eyes, DD cups here) I've had them walk right up to me and say stuff that left my jaw dropping. Straight up..."I want to f you". No "hello, I'm so and so..." Nope. All big breasted blondes are sluts it seems...according to some men and they were stunned when I didn't jump on them. After the weight gain I had a whole new catagory of jerk hit on me. Still as insulting, as shocking, and as rude. A few weeks ago at the grocery store (2 small kids with me and I'm married with a ring on) this want-to-be biker type bumps into me on purpose and tries to shove his number at me. He leans in and tells me "call me when you get rid of them and I'll let you blow me." (Like this was some appealing offer! NOT!) I told him only if I have a gun and extra ammo to make sure I finish him off. He backed away and made some rude comments about how was trying to do me a favor. SNORT! It's a zoo out there.

Faith said...

Laurann, you should've ran over him with your shopping cart and then backed up and ran over him again!

Anthology Authors said...

You know, Melissa, men are pigs. When I was in high school, I thought I was fat. (AHAHAHAHAHA) Yeah, not close, but you know our skewed visions of ourselves at that age. I was buff from swimming and playing water polo. Did I have bodacious tatas and a tiny waist? No. I had broad shoulders, muscular legs, and the faint outline of a six pack, which I didn't see until much later in life in a photo of me from that time. (rolling eyes) I was not your delicate flower by any means. Big? No. Small? No. Buff? Yes. (I would love to be that now. LOL) However, my brother (who is some 7 years older than me) used to call me, "Fatso." He had a gut. One day, I snapped and told him that the next time he wanted to call someone "fatso," he could look in the mirror. He never called me fatso again. (g)

In college, I still swam during lunch break. When the weather turned warm, people would lay out on the grass next to the pool and beer-bellied frat boys would come and irritate me as I had to dodge them when I swam my laps. One day in particular, these three overweight frat boys were standing at the edge of the pool surveying the bathing beauties. Their guts hung over their shorts, and one said to the others: "Man, look at that beached whale over there. She shouldn't even be wearing a swimsuit."

I followed his gaze. The woman had maybe an extra 10 lbs on her. I looked back at the idiot. My thought: "Not only should you not be wearing a suit, but you should wear a bag over your head and be put in isolation due to your behavior and piggish mindset."

At one time in my life, I was a size 2. This was not by choice. I'd lost a sister in a car accident, and the stress of that shock did a number on me. It not only affecte my weight, but messed up my hormones. Pictures of me from that time are not particularly flattering. I look gaunt. My frame really needs enough weight to be about a size 8-10. I was so thin people used to accuse me of being either anorexic or bulimic, of which I was neither. To a lot of people, that sounds like a dream come true. It's not. It's insulting. You can deny all you want, but people will still insist you are. One of my voice teachers used to get on me about eating until we attended a music festival together, and she saw just how much I ate. It's frustrating to be called a liar, especially when it's not true.

BTW, when I was younger, I used to get hit on by older men. Not just older, but men old enough to be my father, and one who was old enough to be my grandfather. They would get insulted when I turned them down. Really? You really think a 23 year old is going to be interested in a 69 year old? Well, not this one. (Ew! Ew! Ew! Skin crawling back into my body.) Heck, this 29 (and counting) year old wouldn't consider a 69 year old.

Anthology Authors said...

Very hot excerpt, BTW. :)

Pommawolf said...

I love the excerpt. If I get any more good books on my wishlist I will be in the poor house for the rest of my life...but I love them..*S*
Second, first I have been blessed as I have a good soulmate who has taken me as I am. For that I am extremely lucky. He is awesome.
And I'm no Twiggy or who ever the current Hot thin queen is these days...I am not only of the heavy variety, but short at a just a bit over 5 foot...not a round rolling ball..but I am what I am....*S*
My hubby towers over me at over 6 ft 3.
I used to worry about our adult son as most mothers do as he wasn't dating anymore because those he said he was tired of the fake and phoney bull****.
He has a sensitive heart, and draws the ladies like you can't believe.
But he met the marvelous young woman a few years back, and finally he told me that she was what he was waiting for....*S*
Our Kristi is one beautiful, strong and awesome lady.
And I love the look in our son's eyes as he looks at her because you see the love he has for her.
And by goodness....she is voluptuous, graceful and simply beautiful !
I have never seen him so happy, and so I know ladies...there are still men out there who still desire us as we are...I truly believe it is how they are raised...
I wish I could post a picture of my son and his beautiful wife...cause my son is a looker...LOL.

Melissa Bradley said...

Hi Rie! Thank you. :)It warms my heart that you admire my restraint. Oh my God I wanted to do bodily harm to that man.

Melissa Bradley said...

Aww. thanks, Faith. I'd love to. 4SW rocks! And you are so right about there being women out there who subject men to similar treatment.

Melissa Bradley said...

Hi Patricia. I am so with you on this. It astounds me how much more judgmental and critical guys are about women. We're supposed to accept them as they are, but it's okay for them crack on us about weight, style, etc.

Melissa Bradley said...

TeresaK, thank you so much for sharing and for your wonderful words about my story. I'm sorry you had to put up with that behavior, too. You are so right that if men would look beyond appearance, they would see the wonderful spirit inside. So much for the old adage don't judge a book by its cover. I guess that only applies when it's women looking at men.

Sarah J. McNeal said...

Loved your blog and your book looks so wonderful. On behalf of voluptuous women everywhere, I'd just like to say, thanks.

Melissa Bradley said...

Michael, thank you so very much. Your words really touched me. I try not to let the idiots get me down. I will say because of them, I have sharpened my tongue considerably. ;)

Melissa Bradley said...

Laurann, OMG!! The gall of these pigs. I want to run that guy over with my car til he's flatter than a tortilla. I approve wholeheartedly of your response. High five!

Glad you liked my excerpt. :)

Melissa Bradley said...

Anthology, I hate the way people assume that just because you look a certain way their rude comments must be the truth. I'm so sorry about your sister and that those ignorant people compounded your pain with their attitude.

Age doesn't bring any maturity because, you're so right, old men can be just as gross. I bet you just wanted to trip that guy with his own cane, then beat him with it. And frat boys are their own breed of rude and piggish. I heard a couple of them cracking off at a football game and the one said he'd rather see someone dismembered than have to look at a naked fat chick. I looked around at that in time to see nacho cheese dripping off his fat, sallow face. Arrgh!

On a happier note, I'm so glad you liked the excerpt. This story had a long journey to publication and I could not be happier that it is finally out there. :)

Melissa Bradley said...

Pommawolf, I am so happy you love my excerpt. :)You know, I am just a hair over five feet myself. Unfortunately, I am rather round. Your husband and son sound like wonderful men.

Melissa Bradley said...

Sarah, thank you so very much for your kind words. And you are most welcome. ;)

Fiona McGier said...

People are just ruder in general these days. But I partially blame the stereotype playing on sit-coms all over, that have fat boorish heroes who have tiny, thin, hot wives. Obviously the producers/writers' fantasies. But men start to believe that's the way things should be. My husband and kids have told me I over-analyze everything, but the fact remains that it's still alright to be an over-weight or old man (yeah, I mean you, Hef, you disgusting shriveled old prune) and go after the hot, young, thin girls. But let a woman try that, and she's a cougar...note no name for men who prefer cradle-robbing. And the cougar had better be hard-bodied or no one will accept that the man might be attracted to her. This is what I mean about the chasm between men and women, and how we try to yell across it to communicate.

Melissa Bradley said...

Fiona that is so true. How many times has the hot wife, frumpy husband played out with shows like King of Queens, According to Jim. And you are so right about Hef. I can't believe that people barely talk about him robbing the cradle and yet, look how many jokes are made about Hugh Jackman's wife. They speculate that he has to be gay because she's not only like 13 years older than him, but she's not model perfect looking.

Men absolutely believe that women have to look a certain way. For every one Dove campaign for real beauty, there's a dozen Maxim Hot 100 lists. It drives me crazy. Thank for sharing.

Sarah Masters said...

I shall be blunt.

What effing arseholes they are.


Pommawolf said...

Melissa thank you. And it is truel People are ruder today than any other time in history. The engages bfore the brain even thought it out. But is truly revealing about a persons true inner qualities I think.

Anthology Authors said...

It's true, Melissa. It doesn't matter whether you are thin or voluptuous or in between, people are still rude and seem to have no stoopid filter for what comes out of their mouths. I don't know if it's that behavioral standards have plummeted or people are just insensitive asses, but people need to be taught the arts of compassion, common sense, and courtesy. It's so rare to see that anymore.