So, I woke this morning (as you do), checked my emails then went on Facebook (as you do). I saw I had a private message and clicked on it, expecting it to either be from a friend or some form of invite to a page or event.
Oh no. It wasn't anything like that. It was a message from some guy who simply wrote: You need a face-job.
Ohhh, yes, he really said that.
I thought: Hmm, maybe I do need a face-job, mate, but you won't be able to tell from THAT photo. I have gained wrinkles since then and bags under my eyes (how bloody delightful growing older is...). Besides, if I need one, is it any of your pissing business? And then I thought: Does he not realise that picture was changed in Photoshop? The hue/saturation? Does he think I go around with eyeliner that thick (okay, sometimes I do) and my face is pure effing white like that?
So I checked him out. He wasn't on my friend's list. So this guy, some random bloody stranger, decided he would send me that message. And get this...if he's judging on appearances, then so the hell am I. HE needs a bloody face-job. Ugly old busstard.
So, while it didn't overly bug me (not what he said, just the gall he had in actually saying something so rude), I then sat and thought: Uh-oh. Is "face-job" some new sexual term I'm not aware of? Does he want to do rude things to my face involving his doo-dar? And why would he think I'd find him attractive (think 1980s guy with a bad haircut) and allow him to get his wanger out and "face-job" my face?
There are so many perverts on Facebook, you have to wonder, don't you? Mind you, there are many rude people too. I won't even go down the road about why a woman felt the need to make a sarcastic comment about one of my excerpts on my page. MY PAGE! Oh, dear. I went down that road. Oh well. Jeez, I thought Facebook was a safe place to play, but what with barbs being thrown like this, I may well stop playing there.
Yeah, mate, if you saw me in ASDA the other day, squinting because I'd squirted washing detergent in my bloody eye, then you might be right in thinking I need one.