Friday, 7 January 2011

Free Beauty Tips!

Let’s have a bit of fun to see in the New Year with Sarah’s tips on free beauty treatments! (This is just a slapstick post. I in no way endorse doing these activities! Well, except for #3)

1. Facial sauna. Too strapped for cash to treat your facial pores to a good steam cleaning? No problem. If you have a dishwasher, as soon as it’s finished the drying cycle, open the door and stick your head inside. Okay, it’ll ruin any groovy hair-do you’ve carefully coiffed, but damn, no more blackheads!

2. Looking a bit wan? Feel you need a bit of the summer-sun look to your face? Look no further! Once your dinner has finished cooking, whack open that oven door and stick your head inside. The heat will toast your skin marvellously, and you’ll come out looking like the first day of your vacation after sunning on the beach! Be careful of those shelves, though. They tend to hurt if you smack your head into them and leave an unsightly burn on your brow.


3. Hair looking lacklustre? No money for expensive conditioning treatment? No problem. Douse your hair in cooking oil then cover it with clear wrap for twenty minutes. You’ll have to wash it out using dish washing detergent, but you’ll have one hell of a gloss on your hair. This one really works—olive oil is best. Of course, don’t go near any naked flames while treatment is in process, but you knew that, right?

4. Need to lose a couple of pounds so your clothes fit nicely for that all-important meeting or night out? Ask a friend to help strap your body in duct tape. You might walk like you’re stiff as a board, but shit, you’ll look a dream in that little black dress or power-suit! And of course, when you get home and it’s time to take the tape off, think of the money you’ll save on waxing treatments!

5. A little bunged up in the bowel department? Feeling bloated and sore? Exchange that stomach soreness for another kind by scoffing a whole bag of prunes. You’ll need a day off for this magnificent treatment and a toilet nearby, but hey, you’ll have saved a packet on that colon cleansing you’ve always wanted!

Have a nice day, folks! Oh, and please add your groovy tips to the mix!

36 comments:

C. Zampa said...

Oh, what fun!
I don't think I can come up with any groovier tips than yours!
They are keepers for sure!

Thanks! I enjoyed that!

Faith said...

#4 cracked me up, but I had no idea you could truly do something like #3. However, I guess it's the same as those li'l vials of hot oil treatments you can buy at the drugstore for your hair.

Melissa Bradley said...

LMAO!! These are great. Don't forget to go with an egg and mayonnaise facial mask. Or the lemon juice highlights treatment. Frizzy hair? Take a towel and your iron, bend over the ironing board and commence to straightening. No bubble bath? Use extra gentle laundry detergent. You can wash yourself and your clothes. :)

Sarah Masters said...

Hee hee, CZ!

:o)

Sarah Masters said...

Yep, Faith. It's just a hot oil treatment but cold oil. Works for me anyway.

LOL @ duct tape.

:O)

Becca Dale said...

Fabulous! Treatments I can afford. I can't wait to get started. Thanks for offering real solutions for real women. I will add these into my routine along with my current use of a little prep H to get rid of those unsightly eye bags. ;-D

Sarah Masters said...

LMAO Melissa! We ought to gather these together and make a little beauty treatment leaflet.

:o)

Nickie Asher said...

Want your hair to grow? Run to the nearest tack shop and buy mane and tail conditioner with biotin. Yes, it works.

Kate Richards said...

Very helpful, and goes along with something I always wonder about. Conditioner with REAL olive oil, so we spend three times as much to get 3% olive oil?

Faith said...

I use Mane and Tail and YES, it works!

Nickie Asher said...

Faith, I've heard that hoof treatments with biotin also work wonders for hair but I haven't tried it.

Faith said...

Nor have it, Nickie. I've also heard that it does wonders for people's nails, but mine grow so darn hard and long I figured I'd better not try it too!

Nicki said...

My hair got shaved this last year, and I used Mane and Tail since----

I've had eight haircuts, and have gorgeous Shirley Temple locks that come to about my shoulders.

And oh yeah, the cooking oil really-really does work.


Another----

If you have a surprise zit, don't fret. Go to the dollar store (or the 99 pence for Emmy), and buy some of the Vicks VapoRub or the knockoff, and dab a bit on your face at night.

Same works for minty toothpaste that's too minty for your teeth. Literally...and you can use the toothpaste on your shoes if you have a nasty yellow stain on your trainer sneaks.

And did you hear about another hair trick? Go get a trim every month at 1/4 in. (or 1/2 cm.) off your length. Grows it greatly, though if you have split ends, use the cooking oil trick and get the splits trimmed off.

P.S.: Hi, Emmy <3

Casey Sheridan said...

#4- I think I found a new use for Duct tape that my mom has never thought of.

LOL! Great list!

Natalie Dae said...

I just spotted you there, Becca! LMAO @ Prep H. I use that toooooooooooooooo! So funny!

I'm in the wrong sodding Blogger account. Sorry.

:o)

Natalie Dae said...

OMG Nickie. I am SO tempted!

Sarah.

:o)

Natalie Dae said...

Indeed, Kate. Just buy the cheapest olive oil and use that instead!

Sarah,

:O)

Natalie Dae said...

Hiya Nicki!

Vicks on zits? Wicked! I have some of that. Thankfully I rarely get zits, but when I dooo...Vicks here I come!

Sarah.

:o)

Natalie Dae said...

Yes, Casey. Strap that around your middle and see those pounds disappear!

I'm wincing here, though, at the thought of getting it off again.

:o)

Anthology Authors said...

Vinegar is good for many things, as you know. One I heard on the news todays for curing dandruff. Yes, really. Here's a link for it.

Anthology Authors said...

BTW, has anyone else noticed that a lot of celebrities are starting to look a bit like, um, what's that orange Jersey Shore woman's name? The one that looks like an Oompa Loompa? Oh, yeah, Snooky. They love their fake tans just a bit too much. (g)

Faith said...

Vinegar and a cold water rinse is an excellent way to cut down on the natural oil in hair if you're one of the unlucky people whose hair seems to be imported from the oil fields. Used to be a shampoo called FOHO that I loved (For Oily Hair Only), but they took it off the market. I tried the vinegar and cold water rinse and it works fantastic.

Anthology Authors said...

White vinegar will also take spots out of the rug. It's also great I wonder if it works on age spots... (g) Perhaps it could be used for contraception. ;-)

BTW, I was just reading in another list that some doctors are recommending Coca Cola (for the caffeine) for kids with ADD for breakfast as long as it's paired a good solid breakfast. They prefer it over Ritalin.

Natalie Dae said...

Apple vinegar works for darker face blotches. I get them in the summer, just above my top lip--BUG! Makes me look like I have a 'tache. But if you hold that stinky stuff on it on some cotton wool, for ten mins a day, it's faded by the end of the week.

:o)

Faith said...

My mother told me that my grandma and other farm women would take cow's piss and rub it on their skin to give them that milky white complexion that was so popular 80 to 100 or so years ago.

EEEWWWW!!!

Tess MacKall said...

Anybody ever tell you that you're just too damn funny. Stick your head in the dishwasher.Stick your head in the oven, etc. God lord woman.

But the olive oil on the hair thing does really work. I wash with soap afterward. And yes,makes it nice and shiny.

Here's another conditioning tip that is primo too. Only if you are brunette though because you use an avocado and it has staining qualities. Take a ripe avocado and scoop out all the pulp. Massage it into your dry hair and wrap in clear plastic/saran wrap. Leave it on thirty minutes. Shampoo as usual. Your hair feels like silk and is so shiny.

Also, out of conditioner? Regular old hand lotion mixed with water works. OR you can always style your hair and to get rid of the frizz, put some hand lotion in your hands and rub it almost all in and then palm your hair to tame the frizz.

Cool idea to give out beauty tips.

Anthology Authors said...

Another really good conditioner is coconut oil. I actually use it for my skin. I pick up a 16oz jar of extra virgin (poor coconut oil doesn't know what it's missing--bad, Marci! Bad, Marci!) from the local health food store for like $16. It lasts two-three months. I smear it all over my face, neck, lips, and arms. My skin feels like baby's skin. One of my friends recommends leaving it in your hair overnight once a month for a deep conditioning treatment. I haven't tried it yet, but having seen what it does for my skin, I just might.

BTW, coconut oil also cures mange...if you are having that problem, that is. (g)

Nickie Asher said...

Cow piss? OMG don't think I could do that one. LOL

Faith said...

I know a lot of old time remedies, treatments and medicines. I even know what root the ol' timers boiled to abort a child after they already had 10 or 12.

Boil willow bark to bring a fever down. Boil yellow root to bring a fever down. Catnip tea calms one's nerves, is a mild sleep aid and if you crush catnip and put it in a tub of water as hot as you can stand it and then soak for at least 30 min, it soothes minor ache and pains of the body.

If you boil dandelion root, it cleans toxins out of your blood.

On and on...lol. My other has taught me a lot, and she's big into alternative medicine too.

But yeah the cow's piss is just like ammonia so it has bleaching properties to it.

Got nimrods or pyles (can't spell hemhoroid)? Take two to four flaxseed capsules a day with meals. In two to four days the ouch problem is over!

Nicki said...

Marci, Ooky-Snooky actually wrote a romance novel. What do you want to bet it sucks and that her name will still make it a bestseller?

And by the way, hard copy of address change is on the way :) I just haven't talked to you in a while, so I figured I'd send it Priority Mail. I was having crap with internet going on, moving, etc.. But I'll drop you a line.

Anthology Authors said...

Yeah, I saw that, Nicki. It's travesty, but it's typical NYC publishing. I'll watch for it.

Sarah Masters said...

Faith! Cow's piss? Oh my LORD!

:o)

Sarah Masters said...

Good tips, Tess.

Also, if you're in a hurry and have no time to wash your hair, and you're hair is greasy, sprinkle talcum powder on your palms and massage it into your roots until all the white has gone. Soaks up the grease, if just for the day.

:o)

Sarah Masters said...

Oooh, loving a bit of mange, Marci... LMAO. I love coconut oil. I was stupid on my first Spanish hol as a kid and used it as suntan lotion. Umm, yeah. I burned badly and fainted from sunstroke ahahah. Woke on the foyer floor with lots of Spanish people around me gabbling. I made it into the elevator and back to our apartment, then threw up. Nice.

:o)

Delaney Diamond said...

Lots of great tips! (There are a few--ahem, cow piss-that I'd probably avoid.)

I personally use extra virgin olive oil regularly in my hair. I buy it at the local grocery store when it's BOGO. I keep one in the kitchen and one in the bathroom. I mix it with conditioner and leave it on as a deep conditioner and then rinse out the mixture. It makes my hair super soft and detangles my kinky coils.

Sarah Masters said...

It's fab stuff, Delaney!

:o)