Monday, 20 December 2010

It's Alive!

Or so I found the day after Thanksgiving when Charlie, our daughter, and I arrived home to a refrigerator that needed to be defrosted. I can tell you I was just thrilled to have to do this after a 3 1/2 hour car ride. Honestly, I wanted to just chuck the entire frig, but who wants to spend $400-800 on a new frig right before Christmas? (Or any time for that matter.)

So, it's five o'clock. We should be eating dinner, or getting ready to eat dinner. Instead, I'm pulling food out of my refrigerator, stuffing what's salvageable into bags to take to Charlie's parents' house, and leaving other stuff on the counter that can be tossed. (Must be tossed. "Can" is such weak word for what needed to be done.)

I have to admit this was a good thing. I found some things in my refrigerator... Well, I wouldn't have been surprised if when I opened a few of the containers to clean them, they said, "Momma." (If any had looked at my daughter and said, "Sissy," I wouldn't be writing this post. (g)) There were some things that had been shoved to the back that I'd forgotten were in there. Things with expiration dates of (gasp) 2006! (Eep!) Things that looked like they had in 2006, which tells you that perhaps you shouldn't buy that again. (g) (These were of course things like jam and whatnot. At least, that's what I'm claiming.)

In case you are wondering, I do wipe down the inside of the frig when it's needed. We don't spill much, we do rotate or clear out our food every week, so it's not needed often. And sometimes, I'll just wipe down the spill and not disturb anything else. Apparently, I need to start disturbing other things--things that are shoved to the back--say once every couple of months because four years is just unacceptable.


I laugh because four years is so far beyond acceptable that I'm boggled that it went so long. How did that happen?

Well, it's easy. For instance, my husband likes to keep the salsa containers when we get Mexican food to go. This drives me nuts. We never (and I mean never) eat that salsa after we've the food. Just throw the damn thing out. Stop being such a packrat. Honestly, one of those containers was bulging from gas. Had we left it any longer, I am sure the lid would have shot off the top and fermented salsa with moldy green chunks would have been everywhere. Next time, I'll just throw that crap away immediately. Well, as long as he doesn't sneak it past me.

That other stuff, I can't blame on him. It's my fault, but still...

Anyway, we are just lucky that stuff didn't start climbing out of the frig and taking over the house. (Hey, that's a good idea for a horror movie, although I imagine it's already been done. It could be called "The Attack of the Moldy Leftovers.")

Now, I will admit that there are times we have some scary shit in there. You know, those leftovers you keep vowing to eat, but after the fourth time you've had it in so many days, you can't bear to eat another bite. There're only really two of us who eat the food I cook, and I am pretty much the only one who eats leftovers. So, a week passes, and the chili starts looking a little squiggy. In the back of my mind, I know I need to throw it out, but guilt at wasting food gnaws at me, so I leave it. I know I'm not going to eat it, but I just can't bring yourself to throw it away. Another week goes by, and those leftovers are taking on a life of their own. Things are growing, but I am still avoiding it because now they are just gross. Finally, I bite the bullet and open the container and, "Aahhhh!!! It's alive!"

Okay, perhaps it's not quite that bad, but those spots of green with white tufts on top are not to be eaten, it reeks to high heaven, and I think, "I should just throw the whole damn thing out." But I won't. I won't because that would be wasting a good container, and the guilt about not eating the food is already starting to consume me as it is. I guess better guilt than rotten food. HAHAHAHAHA

Judging from all of the images on Google of moldy, scary ass food when searching for a good image to use for this post, I am not the only one with this affliction. (g) Not that I thought I was, but, eh, it's good to know I have some company.

BTW, the images were so disgusting I decided against using any. Instead, I chose good ole Gene Wilder from Young Frankenstein. Much funnier and less stomach churning. (g)

This reminds me of some neighbors I had in college. Three pigs, er, guys. Nice guys, but pigs. One of them asked me what it would cost to hire me to clean their apartment. Well, considering that they had left the dishes in the sink for two weeks and there were maggots in it, the carpet was scary (I never walked barefoot in there, and barefoot is my favorite shoe.), and the bathroom... Well, there were three guys living there. What do you think? Yeah, I let him know he couldn't pay me enough to clean their apartment. That place was one giant petri dish.

Oh, our refrigerator works perfectly now, and you could eat your food from any shelf. (g) Everything that could be taken apart and cleaned on it was. While I don't like cleaning, when I do clean, I am a bit fanatical about it. LOL Things you never thought would be bright white again miraculously blind you from the shine. I can't help myself. It must be the anal part of my nature. LOL

So, any refrigerator horror stories to share? Come on, I know I'm not the only one. (g)


Sarah Masters said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA @ The Attack of the Moldy Leftovers.

I'm the same. This has made me want to clean out my fridge. Well, I had the brief thought, but it's gone now.


Faith said...

ROFLMAO @ squiggy chili!!!

Keeping my fridge clean is almost a full-time job due to there being six of us here and two more who come and go on a regular basis.

And guess what my captcha was for this? xfies. If it had had the L in it, it would've been perfect for this post, lmao!

Anthology Authors said...

Yeah, Sarah. That vow to keep it cleaned out is slowly dwindling. (g) I have some mashed potatoes in a pot that need to be thrown out before we leave to visit Mom. If I don't, they will be scary by the time we return. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

I don't envy you, Faith. We only have three, and it's hard enough for me to stay on top of it. Six? Yikes!

Anonymous said...

We once had a deep freezer, full of meat, chicken, fish and such. Packing for a vacation, someone accidentally kicked it's cord from the plug. When we returned a week later the entire house reeked. It was like we had a dismembered body in our basement. Not wanting that stuff in my car, I borrowed a pickup. Did a midnight run to a Safeway dumpster. Filled the freezer with water and Clorox. Did it again.Tried Lysol. Tried charcoal. Tossed the $600 freezer. (yes, I'm old enough to have had a $600 freezer) The smell of corpse persisted for months. Moral - if you want to deter house guests, kick the plug to your freeze from it's socket.

Anny Cook said...

When my daughter's family moved out, we cleaned out the fridge...or I should say the house hunk cleaned it while I squinted at expiration dates. It's practically empty now.

And we solve the left over problem by not making any. We cook for two. Period. And I love it that way.

Anthology Authors said...

Oh, that's bad, Barry! That would definitely be one way to avoid unwanted house guests. LOL Also, it's a topic for conversation when guests do come over. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

LOL, Anny. If only my house hunk would clean the fridge, this wouldn't happen. (g)

Valerie Mann said...

My leftover could kick your leftovers assssss. They're mean. LMAO. Taking inventory, I think I have some Thanksgiving leftovers in there and OMG, my mom brought a danish for breakfast over a month ago and I just found it. Left it on the counter (because it was in plastic wrap) and about an hour later, the DH said, "Why does this danish taste like crap?" I didn't have the guts to tell him why. He'd hate me. Fun post and if somebody doesn't get it, they're lying. We all have this problem!

Terri Talley Venters said...

I love this blog! So impressed with all the graphics and stories! Wow! You ladies rock!

Molly Daniels said...

My rule is don't heat leftovers more than twice. The third time it comes out of the fridge, it gets tossed if uneaten!

Anthology Authors said...

HAHAHAHAHA, Valerie. I am sure they could. Those mashed potatoes are going to be scary when I get home. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

Thanks, Terri. Come back any time. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

That's a good rule, Molly. Unfortunately, we usually have more leftovers than that two time rule. (g)

RuthZ said...

I remember when our power went out for three days in the neighborhood and the topic of discussion at the bus stop was, "I guess it was a good thing cause it got me to clean out my refrigerator!" Of course, I got to grin and smile because my mother LOVES to clean out my refrigerator! Her old school thinking is, "It should be cleaned before you do the food shopping so you don't put the fresh food in with the older food or half opened containers that long expired." While this makes sense, how many of us actually put it into action! HA...Great blog! :)

Anthology Authors said...

You know, Ruth, that sounds like my mother's logic. I wonder if it was an era thing. (g)