Monday, 1 November 2010

The Nonsense Writing Challenge - Come on, let's have some fun!

Hi guys! My turn this week, and have I got some fun for you! Please indulge me?

Years ago, my old writing group had a nonsense writing challenge, where we all wrote utter nonsense that also kind of made sense. I wanted to post one of the pieces I wrote for that but discovered when my puter crashed a few weeks ago that I lost a file containing over 500 short stories. Bit of a pisser, that, but never mind.

Anyway, what I wanted to do was give folks a chance to lighten up. We're all so focused on "getting there" that we fail, at times, to remember why we're writing in the first place. Because we love it, right? So what about having some fun here, taking time out from our WIPs for a couple of hours and writing a complete bunch of shite, quite frankly, that doesn't follow any rules. The words are just as they come out of your head, the puncs and grammar are well and truly effed, if the fancy takes you, and you get to write a load of crap that can turn into something really funny. Just think, brightening people's days with your insanity.

So, are you up for it? On the sidebar is an icon that will always link you to this post so over the coming months we'll hopefully get a few nonsense pieces floating to this blog. When they come in, I'll post them, and you can tout the link and show the world that hey, yes you're serious about your career, but damn, you know how to have fun too.

So, for shits and giggles, here is a bunch of rubbish from me. Enjoy, and please, send me some nonsense at:

Sharon & Gerald

The sun shone brightly, the sky dark because it was night. Sharon stared out the window at the moon and wondered why the purple stars weren’t red tonight. Sighing, she slipped her legs into her dressing gown sleeves and danced in manic fashion toward the bathroom, where she planned to cook a hearty breakfast. Once she’d filled her head with food, she’d visit the kitchen and shower away the hectic day she’d had doing nothing. Gosh, she was so tired she could hardly stop smiling at how alive she felt.


Sharon walked over the clouds toward the upside-down pincushion in Gerald’s garden. She loved visiting the pincushion, with its mullioned windows and back-to-front front door. Ah, when she walked inside, she always had a sense of being cocooned in dog’s turd. Such a lovely feeling.

Inside the pincushion, Sharon awaited Gerald, who stared at her through the window, a pineapple ring in each ear and a golf club piercing his nose. She wondered why the nine-iron didn’t break his septum, what with the metal being so heavy, but it never had—unless she counted the time it did, and then it did. It had. But Sharon didn’t count that time.

Gerald smiled his ugly smile, the one that flipped her stomach in pleasure because his teeth were so black they were white and the gleamingness of the blackness was so beautiful. Yes, she fancied Gerald all right, and perhaps tonight he would allow her to taste his nose, which had been carefully constructed out of parmesan cheese last week when he visited the surgeon who operated on eagles for a living.

He entered the pincushion naked. His cock, shaped like a dumpster, complete with overflowing refuse, had her freaking out with delight.

“Oh, Gerald,” she breathed, farting from the side of her mouth. “You’re so pleased to see me! I’m so grossed out by that, you wouldn’t believe. Come here to me, shitface. God, I hate you so much!”

Gerald beamed that smile of his again and walked toward her, arms tied in a bow across his chest. “I hate you too, Sharon. So much. I haven’t missed you. And your scent, like that of rotting offal, makes me so happy that you’re mine.”

Sharon had never been so unhappy in her life, and she smiled because nothing was better than being in the pincushion with Gerald. Unless she counted being chased by an axe murderer, which she'd loved so much she'd nearly peed herself. But no, she didn’t count that.


C. Zampa said...

"The sun shone brightly, the sky dark because it was night."

I love it! That is genius! LOL. Actually, you know, I could see a literary masterpeice starting this way! So oddball that it would be truly believable is some odd, perverse way!

What a cute idea!

Loved the story!

Sarah Masters said...

LOL These are great fun to do. They really make you think too. Plus, you find yourself writing "normally" and have to go back and make it nonsense instead of making sense.


Faith said...

I remember seeing some of the ones you came up with last year and laughing myself silly!

Sarah Masters said...

Hee hee. I know which ones you mean, Faith! HAAAAAAAAAA!


Anthology Authors said...

This must really tax the brain. LOL When I'm out from under everything (HAHAHAHAHA), I'll try my hand at it. That in itself is a very funny saying. If you are under everything, how could you possibly do anything? (g)

Quarterly reports are infecting my brain. (g) Must return. I have two left to finish. Then it's print, write out checks, send off PayPal payments, etc. Don't you want to be me? Pretty please... (g)

Sarah Masters said...

No! I don't know how you do all that. I think I'd cry a lot.


Tess MacKall said...

Well, you've lost me. I'm confused enough without purposely doing it. LOL You might find some of this nonsense in what I write and not have intended it. LOL

Debbie Gould said...

You, my dear, are a NUT! LMAO!! Love it.

Sarah Masters said...

LOL Tess! It's kind of hard to make it nonsense. Really tests the brain.


Sarah Masters said...