The Man Down the Road

Please welcome guest Lucy Felthouse!

When I first sat down to think about what I’d write for this post, I drew a blank. Oddly, I can be quite ranty, unintentionally funny and am often described as quirky. So why did I struggle so much to come up with a topic?

I’ll tell you: I’m too diplomatic. There are things that piss me off on a daily, even hourly basis, and yet for the most part I have to keep quiet about it. I inhabit a world where pissing other people off is not a good idea. I certainly don’t bitch about them on the internet. Granted, I might sit and make rude gestures at my laptop screen and pull faces, but the only person that knows I’m doing that is me.

However, the man down the road has pissed me off to the max, and I’m fairly sure he won’t be reading this blog post any time soon. And if he does, I’m not really bothered because I’m brewing up to a face-to-face confrontation, anyway. I don’t do confrontation very often, either, so perhaps that’s an indication of how annoying the situation is. Perhaps I’ll even print it off when I’m done and stick it through his letterbox.

I’d better tell you what I’m going on about, hadn’t I? Maybe some of you will think I’m being really petty and overreacting, but others will be sitting there nodding, because you know what I’m talking about.

Okay, so I’m a first time dog owner. I have a pup of thirteen months old, and we’ve had him almost a year. He’s not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination (which you’ll probably already know if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter), but one thing he is not is aggressive. And that’s not me just saying that because he’s my little boy. He really isn’t. The only time he barks is when we’re playing or if something makes him jump. Or at pigeons. But that’s okay, because we don’t want pigeons in our garden, anyway. He only growls when we’re playing tug of war, and since his tail is also wagging like crazy the entire time, I figure the growl is him being silly, too.

He absolutely adores people, to the extent that I’ve had to apologise to many a stranger because he jumps up and gets people dirty in his enthusiasm (yes, he jumps up. And yes, I’ve tried everything short of chopping his legs off to get him to stop). He loves other dogs, too. He also has no fear. So while I’m crapping my pants at the thought of walking past a huge, scary looking dog (I was attacked by a large dog when I was little, so I’m still nervous of them. I try not be, but I can’t help it), Scamp thinks it’s okay to go sniff the dog and possibly try to play with it. If it’s a female dog, he’ll probably try to hump her, too (he’s been “done” but that doesn’t stop him – he’s a horny little bugger!). Of course, it doesn’t enter his head that the other dog might not be friendly, and I live in fear that one day he’ll meet a canine that’s not. But that’s not the point of this post, anyway.

So, that’s probably given you an idea of my dog’s temperament, yes? Not perfect, but very sweet and loving. So, would you like to know why the man down the road now crosses the road with his dog every time he sees us out walking?

Because he’s a moron, that’s why. As I just said, Scamp loves to meet other dogs. The dog down the road is a big old chocolate Lab, and he’s met Scamp several times, they’ve had a sniff and a little kiss, and then us, the respective owners have had to drag them away, because otherwise they’d stand in the street all day playing. Cute, eh? Yes, exactly.

On one occasion, though, the two of them were playing, and, as has happened many times to me with other dog owners, the leads have gotten tangled up. It’s a nightmare, but usually we just laugh about it, untangle the dogs, and go on our way. This one time, though, somehow, the clip that attaches Scamp’s lead to his harness ended up attached to the other dog’s collar. Bear in mind, he’s a big old lad, and the collar isn’t particularly tight, anyway. But it was caught fast, and we had no idea how to undo it. In the end, I took Scamp’s lead off and hung on to him while the man sorted things out. It was a pain in the arse, and the poor Lab probably got yanked about a bit, but there was no harm done. Neither of the dogs got nasty, and no one was hurt. We then went our separate ways.

Since then, the man avoids us at all costs. Bearing in mind, it was his dog’s fault as much as mine, and it was just a bloody accident! Now he crosses the road and basically acts like my dog bit his or something! If he had, then I would understand his behaviour, but as it stands, I think he’s just being petty. Especially since his dog wants to play just as much as mine does.

Ugh. Idiot, eh? Okay, rant over. Now I’ll continue to glare out of the window every time he walks past.

As a postman by day, and one of Santa’s reindeer on a single very special night, Cassius Cupid eats, sleeps, and breathes deliveries. He doesn’t mind, but sometimes wishes that someone would send him something more exciting than bills and junk mail.

One cold January morning, Cassius gets his wish. A young woman arrives with a parcel. Turns out it’s for his housemate – but Cassius doesn’t care. All he’s interested in is Carina – the beautiful female courier.

Has Cupid finally met his match?

More info, excerpt and buy links: http://lucyfelthouse.co.uk/published-works/cupid/

Lucy is a graduate of the University of Derby, where she studied Creative Writing. During her first year, she was dared to write an erotic story - so she did. It went down a storm and she's never looked back. Lucy has had stories published by Cleis Press, Constable and Robinson, Decadent Publishing, Ellora's Cave, Evernight Publishing, House of Erotica, Ravenous Romance, Resplendence Publishing, Secret Cravings Publishing, Sweetmeats Press and Xcite Books. She is also the editor of Uniform Behaviour, Seducing the Myth, Smut by the Sea and Smut in the City. Find out more at http://www.lucyfelthouse.co.uk. Join her on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe to her newsletter at: http://eepurl.com/gMQb9