Friday, 4 January 2013

On Being Your Own Worst Critic

And why it's unfair and sucks.

Our basement went from this
To this in two days.
I had 6000+ words written the first three days of January.
I got website updates accomplished.
Other sundry promotional stuff was completed, and even a couple of blog posts into the mix.
There has been family movie time:
I need to know when this series starts up again, because damnit, how the hell did he do that????

Will always be among my top kids' movies. Love this to pieces. Hiccup is awesome.

Can't decide if it's the steampunk or the chemistry that appeals...
and outings to look at electronics we can't afford. (I'd post pictures of them, too, but hell, that would be pretty much the whole of Best Buy's inventory....)

And all this since we returned home after Christmas.

I've even submitted a short story (oh, and written it) so it's time for my inner critic to shut the hell up and accept that the emo artist girl is actually an efficient, accomplished and well rounded professional.

Thank you very fucking much!

You see, it's really easy for me to look at the amount of time I spend sitting my ass in this damn chair and say it's not enough. And then when I do sit here 24/7, to argue with myself that not enough of that time was spent writing. But that's bullshit. There's been enough time to write 2000 words a day, make blog posts and do a smattering of promo. 

There's been enough time out of the chair to watch upwards of 24 hours of movies with spouse and kids, and to go shopping for at least one full day. The house is clean(ish) Clean enough, anyway, Christmas has been packed away and the house has actually improved with the swamping out of the crazy hoarder person's crap in the basement. (That would mostly be me...)

So why is it that easy to listen to that nagging voice that says "not enough"? And so hard to listen to the voice of reason that says "Life is good."? 

Does anyone else have this problem? My new years resolution this year is pretty simple. I'm going to take the time, every day, to reflect on what I accomplished and remind myself not to dwell on the items on the list that haven't been crossed off. Because let's be realistic. There will always be a list. Always. 


Faith said...

Yes, I am DEFO the same way!

My biggest problem is that I have several clients I edit for, so I tend to put their manuscripts before my work. The reason I do this is because I reason that they're depending on me. However, I can't make any money with my writing unless I actually write something.

Vicious, vicious cycle, lol.

Jaime Samms said...

It's like the day job, Faith. I hate it and I need it to pay the bills until I have enough writing going on to do that, but I can't write if I'm out of the house working....yeah. sucktastic.

Starfox Howl said...

Yes, I'm my own worst critic. More work than day, needing to do "paying" work rather than writing, etc. etc. etc. Even when I write, it's never long enough and what I do write is never good enough.

Oh that voice in your head, you're no good, you'll never be good enough, you write like a first grader with a broken crayon.

Anthology Authors said...

This is why I don't write, sing, or compose much, but that's changing this year. I'm going to regardless. If it turns out to be shit (pardon me, but my filter has been off for a few days), then it's shit. I'll deal with it, but I'm at least going to do it.

Jessica Subject said...

Hey, I'm happy if I can cross one thing off my list at the end of the day. If I can cross more off, even better. BUT, there is always more to add to the list...

Taryn Kincaid said...

Wow, you sound like such a worker bee. Especially compared to me, a slothful slug. Except when I'm at work at the day job, when I AM a worker bee. But...that is what pays the that is what gets my energy!

Jaime Samms said...

Starfox, you can't let the little voice drown out your muses, honey. You just can't.

See, Marci? That's the trick. Just do it. I have also made a vow not to collect little jobs I an do later, but to actually do the little jobs as they come up. Most of them only take five minutes if I don't let them pile up.

You're right. Jessica. Always, always more to add to the bottom of that list.

I think that's my main issue with my day job, Taryn. It does pay the bills, but that emo artist in me refuses to burn myself out on it because that is not my passion, and I want my passion to be my life, I don't want to have to put my passion on hold while I deal with life. Make sense?

Janice Seagraves said...

I have that little voice that nags at me too. I write until the wee hours of the morning and fall into bed, then that voice will start with not enough.

I have my lists. If I cross stuff off then it is enough.


Jaime Samms said...

Congrats on being able to convince yourself it *is* enough, Janice, I think that really is a key to actually being productive is being able to appreciate your own achievements and move forward to the next thing.

Anthology Authors said...

Oh, I know. The problem is when you let it get out of control. Suddenly that five minute task is a six hour task. LOL

Fiona McGier said...

Yeah, I work 2 p/t jobs for the "bread money"...actually for the "tuition money", since we still have 2 kids in college. Husband keeps telling me I should get a full-time job doing something, but after 10 years of sending out resumes till my fingers hurt, I'm not so sure anymore. So I keep on trying to bring in enough $ to pay some of the bills, yet the voices in my head tell me to write more.

I try to write more, I send out manuscripts, then they get accepted. Temporarily I feel validated. Then they get published to public indifference. Some quarters I don't even get royalties because so few copies sold that it's not worth it to cut me a check. Sigh.

Then I tell myself again that I write crap that obviously no one wants to read. Then the voices start yelling at me again to write, and I stay up too late writing, then run into walls all the next day as I plod through my 15-hour work days doing 2 jobs that any trained monkey could do as well.

Oh, I know all too well what you are talking about! And I've let my book promos slide for the past 3 weeks because my out-of-town kids were home for the holidays. Now it's back to business, but my husband still won't tell his family about my books because I write "smut", and he doesn't want them to think less of me.

What tangled webs we mortals weave, eh? You are NOT alone!