Wednesday, 9 January 2013

The Man Down the Road

Please welcome guest Lucy Felthouse!

When I first sat down to think about what I’d write for this post, I drew a blank. Oddly, I can be quite ranty, unintentionally funny and am often described as quirky. So why did I struggle so much to come up with a topic?

I’ll tell you: I’m too diplomatic. There are things that piss me off on a daily, even hourly basis, and yet for the most part I have to keep quiet about it. I inhabit a world where pissing other people off is not a good idea. I certainly don’t bitch about them on the internet. Granted, I might sit and make rude gestures at my laptop screen and pull faces, but the only person that knows I’m doing that is me.

However, the man down the road has pissed me off to the max, and I’m fairly sure he won’t be reading this blog post any time soon. And if he does, I’m not really bothered because I’m brewing up to a face-to-face confrontation, anyway. I don’t do confrontation very often, either, so perhaps that’s an indication of how annoying the situation is. Perhaps I’ll even print it off when I’m done and stick it through his letterbox.

I’d better tell you what I’m going on about, hadn’t I? Maybe some of you will think I’m being really petty and overreacting, but others will be sitting there nodding, because you know what I’m talking about.

Okay, so I’m a first time dog owner. I have a pup of thirteen months old, and we’ve had him almost a year. He’s not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination (which you’ll probably already know if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter), but one thing he is not is aggressive. And that’s not me just saying that because he’s my little boy. He really isn’t. The only time he barks is when we’re playing or if something makes him jump. Or at pigeons. But that’s okay, because we don’t want pigeons in our garden, anyway. He only growls when we’re playing tug of war, and since his tail is also wagging like crazy the entire time, I figure the growl is him being silly, too.

He absolutely adores people, to the extent that I’ve had to apologise to many a stranger because he jumps up and gets people dirty in his enthusiasm (yes, he jumps up. And yes, I’ve tried everything short of chopping his legs off to get him to stop). He loves other dogs, too. He also has no fear. So while I’m crapping my pants at the thought of walking past a huge, scary looking dog (I was attacked by a large dog when I was little, so I’m still nervous of them. I try not be, but I can’t help it), Scamp thinks it’s okay to go sniff the dog and possibly try to play with it. If it’s a female dog, he’ll probably try to hump her, too (he’s been “done” but that doesn’t stop him – he’s a horny little bugger!). Of course, it doesn’t enter his head that the other dog might not be friendly, and I live in fear that one day he’ll meet a canine that’s not. But that’s not the point of this post, anyway.

So, that’s probably given you an idea of my dog’s temperament, yes? Not perfect, but very sweet and loving. So, would you like to know why the man down the road now crosses the road with his dog every time he sees us out walking?

Because he’s a moron, that’s why. As I just said, Scamp loves to meet other dogs. The dog down the road is a big old chocolate Lab, and he’s met Scamp several times, they’ve had a sniff and a little kiss, and then us, the respective owners have had to drag them away, because otherwise they’d stand in the street all day playing. Cute, eh? Yes, exactly.

On one occasion, though, the two of them were playing, and, as has happened many times to me with other dog owners, the leads have gotten tangled up. It’s a nightmare, but usually we just laugh about it, untangle the dogs, and go on our way. This one time, though, somehow, the clip that attaches Scamp’s lead to his harness ended up attached to the other dog’s collar. Bear in mind, he’s a big old lad, and the collar isn’t particularly tight, anyway. But it was caught fast, and we had no idea how to undo it. In the end, I took Scamp’s lead off and hung on to him while the man sorted things out. It was a pain in the arse, and the poor Lab probably got yanked about a bit, but there was no harm done. Neither of the dogs got nasty, and no one was hurt. We then went our separate ways.

Since then, the man avoids us at all costs. Bearing in mind, it was his dog’s fault as much as mine, and it was just a bloody accident! Now he crosses the road and basically acts like my dog bit his or something! If he had, then I would understand his behaviour, but as it stands, I think he’s just being petty. Especially since his dog wants to play just as much as mine does.

Ugh. Idiot, eh? Okay, rant over. Now I’ll continue to glare out of the window every time he walks past.

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More info, excerpt and buy links:

Lucy is a graduate of the University of Derby, where she studied Creative Writing. During her first year, she was dared to write an erotic story - so she did. It went down a storm and she's never looked back. Lucy has had stories published by Cleis Press, Constable and Robinson, Decadent Publishing, Ellora's Cave, Evernight Publishing, House of Erotica, Ravenous Romance, Resplendence Publishing, Secret Cravings Publishing, Sweetmeats Press and Xcite Books. She is also the editor of Uniform Behaviour, Seducing the Myth, Smut by the Sea and Smut in the City. Find out more at Join her on Facebook and Twitter, and subscribe to her newsletter at:


Naomi Bellina said...

Awww, your poor doggie. He probably doesn't understand why he can't play with his buddy. Some people are just plain weird, and you can't fix that. Cute post, Lucy.

Faith said...

Hello, Lucy! Nice to see you here!

LOL @ "Because he’s a moron, that’s why." I totally understand that comment because we've had a coupla dogs who were like that. We even had a big chocolate lab, too, who could be a moron, lol.

Valerie Mann said...

We had dogs for years, but after the last one passed away, my husband said "no more". He gets too attached to them and still grieves to this day. we're cat people, have two cats and one grandcat who won't leave. But Scamp made me miss doggie antics. Maybe I'll talk my hubs into another one, one day!

Anonymous said...

We have a puppy with the same temperament, Lucy. Sweet and energetic. Yay for dogs!

Anthology Authors said...

Dogs are too much work and commitment. We have cats. I love my cats and will miss them when they go, but I'm not sure I want any more indoor cats. They leave hair everywhere. Mind you, I have really good, sweet cats, and there's no guarantee that the next batch will be as good or sweet.

As for the other owner, maybe he's worried something much worse could happen. However, you'd think he could at least let you know rather than avoid you like the plague. The biggest issue in our world is the lack of communication.


Jaime Samms said...

We live in a neighborhood where there is a not-inconsiderable feral cat population. For the most part, I don't see them much, although we have an ideal yard for them, since there is lots of bush and cover for rodents and winter berries for small birds. On occasion, my own cats sneak out for a few hours at a time.

One of the neighbors (who's since moved away, thank goodness) used to tell stories, in front of my *children* about how he would poison the feral cats and put them out to the curb with the trash. O.o

He was an old-fashioned kind of guy and really, a sweet old man in every other respect. The kids liked him, and he actually taught them a few things about small motors and gardening. I never understood this cruel streak in him.

People confuse me sometimes, I guess is where I was going with that, and sometimes, what they do doesn't make much sense.

Lucy Felthouse said...

Thanks for all the comments, everyone!

Seems we have a division of cat and dog people here :) I'm definitely a dog person, and I'm also massively allergic to cats which probably has something to do with it :)

Faith said...

Years ago we had a friend who was highly allergic to cats. She was sitting out on the porch steps when one of the outdoor kitties came up to her. She immediately started sneezing, her eyes poured tears, her nose dripped like a faucet and her entire face swelled up. It was like watching a someone in a horror movie. Never seen such a reaction to anything like that before. As a kid, it really scared me.