Monday, 21 May 2012

The Virgin Sheikh’s Billionaire Baby

by Valerie Mann & Kate Richards


Those Evil Editors are at it again (that's us). We've noticed the books that sell the very best have something in common: or should we say a limited and select list of vocabulary words to choose from in the title:

*Billionaire* *Baby* *Tycoon* *Mistress* *Duke* *Virgin* *Secret* *Affair* *Sheikh* *Marriage* *Doctor* *Heir* *Bride* *Officer* *Convenient* *Rogue* 

...you know exactly what we're talking about. Throw those bad boys in a box, give a good shake, pick out a handful, add a nekkid chest and a six-pack cover (the cover heroine is optional, we don't buy books to read about the chick anyway, right?) and voila! Instant bestseller. Don't worry about what's between the front and back cover. You've found the keys to the royalties kingdom. It's all in the name!

On that note, here's Part I of our bestselling super short story, complete with evil writing mistakes that we love to giggle over. Disclaimer:  if you don't see the problems, we'll be happy to point them out to you when The Virgin Sheikh's Billionaire Baby gets an evil review on Thursday. We're just as mean to ourselves.

The Virgin Sheikh's Billionaire Baby 

Joseph wrinkled his nose, his eyes widening at the beautiful woman across the bar as he sat down on the barstool, ordered a drink and took a sip. It was a delicious concoction, he told himself. He watched her over the rim of the succulent fluid.

“She’s so lovely,” he muttered with a low groan of desire. Lust filled his blood to boiling, creating a storm like the sandstorms in the desert of his stormy homeland. Now those are storms, he thought to himself. His self agreed heartily. Nobody knew storms like he and himself.

She twisted on the rotating stool, swiveling. Her blue eyes wandered around as they caught the light from the round silver disco ball as it hung from the ceiling and twirled. Her green gaze found his coal black one. His dark stare penetrated her back.

She slid down as she stood up. Sauntering over, her elbows rested on top of the bar. He gulped as her bounteous cleavage emanated from the top of her low-cut, revealing, leaving-nothing-to-his-or-himself’s-imagination. His thick cock strained against his designer pants, the plaid pattern changing shape immensely.

She grinned, revealing pearly white, shiny, straight teeth. Another storm brewed in his gut, lashing relentlessly at his whole body,  from his head to his toes and everywhere in between. “Hello, handsome. Buy me a drink?”

Gulping, his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and lodged in his throat.  She made him so hot. He felt so warm. He thought he was going to pass out from the storm. He sensed turmoil releasing its mighty force within his entire body, not just part of it. Every part!

Stuttering, his tongue peeled from the roof so he could speak to this beautiful creature standing here, tonight, in front of him. “Uh…”

“What’s the matter, handsome? Cat got your tongue?” She laughed a trilling giggle, snorting.

Oh, I need to be honest with her. She needs the truth. I need to just say it!  “I’d love to buy you a drink. But I can’t,” he muttered angrily, it was so disheartening and sad that she needed to know. But he thought it was the right thing to do! Everyone knows that you have to be honest when you’re meeting your future wife!

Her eyes widened prettily and blue. “Why not?” His eyes dropped to that chest. Her huge boobs strained like a baby filling its diaper, so ripe and plump.   

He wanted to cry. He and himself were so embarrassed and humiliated, his whole entire body quivered now, warring with the desire filling his soul and shooting desire right here to his huge, plaid manhood all at the same time.  

Loudly, he wailed, “I’m a virgin!” 


***

Visit us tomorrow to find out what happens to Joseph, himself and the girl with the emanating boobs.

13 comments:

Jessica Subject said...

LOL Oh, I love these stories! Glad I am able to pick out at least some of the mistakes.

VS Morgan said...

LOL, wow that was so funny...so bad.

Fierce Dolan said...

STOP!
LOL

Kate Richards said...

Thanks ladies...we should have a contest for who can find the most errors lol. We have been reading the comments on the highest ranked books at Amazon, and people are saying, to paraphrase, an editing nightmare, one long repetitive typo...and it's in the top 100 paid!!! So we should be superstars with this disaster...errr, story

Sara Winters said...

I couldn't stop laughing. The sad part is, I think I want to read the whole book.

Sara Daniel said...

Oh my! I have tears in my eyes. I especially like the baby filling its diaper analogy. LOL!

Kate Richards said...

Thanks, Saras! Part 2 is tomorrow...it may be even worse!

KarennaC said...

This is hilarious!

Valerie Mann said...

Kate and I love to edit. And some of the funky things we see make us laugh so hard! Authors get in the zone when they write and have no idea (for example) that their hero's eyes are landing on the heroine's cleavage. Or worse, that the hero has a plaid wenis. Now that's sad. Fortunately, we usually find the straying eyeballs and decorative phallis and take care of them promptly. :-)

Jennifer Probst said...

Val, did you steal my latest book for this post?? KIDDING!! LOVE it - the diaper is the best. Love the boobs.

Hales said...

OMG Ican't get like a baby filln its diaper out of my head! Ew lol loved the visual graphics

Casea Major said...

I am seriously writing this story. Already have four chapters. Lol Thanks for the laughs.

Faith said...

LOL, you two are something else!