Tuesday, 15 May 2012

How to make your life seem more exciting than it is


The other day at the pool (yes, I do spend a lot of time there), I was talking to a couple of women that I swim with. We were talking about our aches and pains. (grin) One will be going to nationals in the summer and was considering competing in a swim meet next Sunday. (I would, but, alas, my daughter has some birthday parties to go to.) The last time she swam in this meet, she hurt her back. She doesn’t know how, but it happened. (When you hit a certain age, which, apparently, is fairly young, these things start to happen. grin)

I, on the other hand, hurt my shoulder swimming on Wednesday. Well, really, it’s accumulative. I’ve been out enough that I am out of shape, compared to what I usually am anyway. Yet, everyone in my lane still sees me as being faster than they are. So, every time I move to the back, they push me to the front. At which point, I feel that I have to swim faster so I push harder. Except my body isn’t ready to swim faster. And to make this happen, I adjust my stroke and hurt my shoulder. I am swimming in the slow lane for the next couple of weeks, but I digress.

As I listened to us discuss our injuries, my mind churned with ideas of how to make our lives seem more… exciting. When someone asks, “Why can’t you stand up straight?” Instead of saying, “I hurt it picking up my screaming child who threw a tantrum in the middle of the store,” you look around as if making sure no one else is listening and whisper, “Well, my husband and I were having some fun the other night, and the bed broke.” (Giggle here.) “It’s the most fun we’ve had in a long time.”

Or instead of “I hurt my shoulder swimming,” I could tell them, “Charlie and I like BDSM (we don’t, but, hey, it would probably shock them… or not. I do live in LA, after all. g), and he left me hanging in handcuffs from the ceiling a little longer than usual.”

HAHAHAHAHA

If someone asks you why you are limping, rather than telling them that one of your darn kids left their $#*&^* wooden blocks/Matchbox cars in the hallway and you stepped on them on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, tripped, and proceeded to stub your toe on the doorjamb, you can say, “I just returned from a trip to South America. I was walking through the jungle when a jaguar padded out onto the path in front of me. I turned and ran (yes, I know you’re not supposed to do that, but instincts do take over in these situations). As I raced through the jungle, I tripped on a root and fell into the arms of a native who looked, and sounded, an awful like Indiana Jones. ‘Hang on,’ he said. I wrapped my arms around him, and he quickly pulled us up a vine and out of the reach of the jaguar.”

Not believable? Ah, well, I got a little carried away, but writers do that sometimes. (g)

Your legs are sore from working out for the first time in… well, we won’t go there. You’re gimping a little bit. Rather than tell your friends about your workout woes, you say, “It’s the wildest thing. I was driving home from the store the other day. This car swerved across the road, rolled, and pinned a man under it. Without thinking, I stopped my car and… well,” you pause, “things are a little fuzzy after this, but apparently, I picked the car up, and they were able to pull the person free. As I said, I don’t really remember that part. As I haven’t done anything else that would cause my legs to ache, I have to assume this is the reason.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay. I’ve gotten a little over the top, but it is fun to imagine, if just for a little bit, a life with a bit more adventure like what I write, and read, about in books. Perhaps you can add some scenarios to aid in making your/my life seem more exciting. The wilder, the better, I say. :)

16 comments:

Faith said...

Wanna know how I got this big goose egg on my forehead?

Not going to tell you. It's kinky. It's wild. It's and OMG Call the Fire Department Moment.

There.

Neener-neener!

Anthology Authors said...

Darn it! You're supposed to share the story. ;) Although there is something to be said for lettIng others use their imaginations. (g)

Kate Richards said...

I live on a steep hill, most gardening results in scratches, bruises and limps, for the klutzy like me, but that's not what happened to my knee. No. The hubs and I were at our local dungeon for an evening of fun and frolic and strolled past a pair of women in a jello pool.I bent closer to see what flavor it was, cherry? strawberry? They look the same, anyway, I fell in and before I knew it was engaged in a spirited match of jello wrestling. After several harrowing moments I managed to conquer my opponents (in their twenties! no small feat!) and on my way to be crowned jello queen...I slipped and bumped my knee. I was then carried on the shoulders of two club hunks the rest of the way to the stage.
I never did find out the flavor, to my disappointment.

Valerie Mann said...

This black eye? I know you won't believe this...but I really did run into a door. My husband and I were playing, er, a game in the bedroom. We flipped a coin and he won the night vision goggles. I hate when he gets to use them because I look hideous in phosphorescent green. Anyway, he's chasing me with, er, something, and I'm running. He thought my shrieks were of the nocturnal pleasure variety. They were actually incoherent screams of pain when my face connected with the closet door. Next time I get the goggles and watch his green a$$ run. hee hee

Kate Richards said...

See? and I voted against the night vision goggles when we were perusing the catalogue the other day!

Faith said...

LOL, you're all hilarious!

Anthology Authors said...

Hahahahaha, Kate! I'm so with you there. (g) Jello wrestling. That's what they were from. And, you know, age and treachery will always overcome youth and vigor. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

Night vision goggles? Some things are best left in the dark. (g)

Kate Richards said...

That's what I count on! I went back to swimming last summer, killed my shoulder for months, BTW! I hadn't done that kind of swimming since high school...and apparently I forgot that. Going to start back again soon, and hopefully remember how much that hurt. Or I'll need a whole new interesting excuse for why I can't wear a bra without being in deadly pain.

Margie Church said...

I got this limp in a way different way. Just sayin...

Anthology Authors said...

Yeah, you have to be careful when you get back in, Kate. Even when I swim consistently, I'm still not as fast as I was in high school. (sigh) LOL YOu have to know your limitations. It's hard because our head says one thing and our body another. (g)

You're sore in the boobage area because some aliens implanted a special device that allows you to read other people's deepest desires. See, that's what happened. (g)

HAHAHAHAHA, Margie!

Kate Richards said...

Aliens! That was it...those darn probed.

Terri Talley Venters said...

Jello, Jungle, night vision goggles, & aliens! Rotf,lmao! Ladies, you are all hysterical =)

I've got bruises (small ones, the size of fingerprints) on my legs (ok, thighs) I can tell the truth (hubby is grabby pup) or that I was kicking the crap out of a teenager in karate class (I'm second degree black belt, btw) sometimes the truth makes a great story!

Enjoyed your post Marci!

Anthology Authors said...

Thanks, Terri, but I don't think the truth is wild enough. Well, sometimes it is, but in this case, no. He can't just be grabby. He has to grab you as the two of you escape from the crime bosses who are chasing you because you stopped them from murdering someone with your karate skills. Yes, that's it. (g)

Erica Freeman said...

Boy, that Hulk is so touchy! I just said he looked a little green...

Valerie Mann said...

I wonder what the Hulk would look like through night vision goggles?