Journey 2: Mysterious Island

Do you like eye candy? Do you want to see something that won’t make you think even for a minute? Do you want to just sit back and eat popcorn and look at pretty people trekking through the woods and getting sweaty?

Then have I got a movie for you!

The plot is formulaic. And not even algebraic formulas, but simple math 1+1=2. Plus one more = 3. Like that.

This quote sums up the movie while simultaneously poking fun at it:

Hank (the step dad) “I’m just looking to talk to you
You know, uhm… as a very concerned adult to a somewhat troubled youth.”
Sean (the teen) “Which one am I in that equation?”

Pretty much sums up this movie. Step dad makes good on his determination to be a positive role model for his new wife’s teenage boy before the kid is too old to fall for it.

Plus, you know, it’s 3-D and there are fun monster chases, a gold-erupting volcano, Jules Vern’s Nautilus submarine in living colour (Probably my favourite part of the movie, given my current steam punk kick) and the obligatory teenage crush, complete with sweet teenage kiss. (At which the two tween girls I took to see the movie squealed in disgust and covered their eyes, which they did not do when the comic relief character fell into the giant lizard egg full of amniotic fluid.)

So, predictable, numbered plot, pretty characters, morals handed to you on a plate. With garnish. A few laugh-out-loud funny bits, and a happy ending. Nothing particularly taxing or noteworthy. Nothing so horrifically bad I had to eviscerate it. Just a decent way to entertain two young girls without all the incessant giggling and squealing that happens when they hide out in their room listening to music and looking at Teen Beat magazines.  No sex, no violence, no bad language. (The hunger Games it ain't!)

I’ve spent worse afternoons.

If you’re curious, the first Journey was definitely better, from what I remember. Brendon Fraser is a decent actor, and cute. Dwayne Johnson has some great pecs and a brilliant smile. If he’s a good actor, this movie didn’t give him a real opportunity to show it, but then, neither did it give him enough material to flop, so whatever. At least he was nice to look at for two hours.

The girl was a pretty face and plot device. Her father, played by Luis Guzman, was ridiculous as comic relief; over the top, but heartfelt. I don’t know if one would expect more from him in this role, though, so he did a fine job. Both their characters were given just enough (contrived) action only they could do to make their presence on the island necessary. Bottom line: she was pretty and I laughed more at step-dad’s antics than at the calculated comic relief, but then, I usually do, so that’s me.

The best thing about this movie overall is that I was entertained, the tween girls were entertained, and the six-ish-year old boy and his father sitting in the seats behind us were entertained. ‘nuff said.

Who’s ready for an adventure?