Friday, 12 August 2011

I Can Do Anything Better than You Can

Every time I think of Lily’s friend Rose, this old song from Annie Get Your Gun comes to mind:

I can do anything better than you can.

I can do anything better than you.

No, you can’t.

Yes, I can.

No, you can’t.

Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can!

All of us know someone who can’t help him/herself. Whatever you, or anyone else, say, they must one-up you. However, I have never seen a worse case of one-up-man-ship than I have in one of Lily’s friends. (We’ll call her Rose.)

You see, Rose must be the best, have the most, done something just a bit more extreme than Lily. If Lily said she’s skydived, Rose would claim she did it without a parachute, or had done it 100 times and was an expert with a certificate of excellence given to her by the president.

You think I’m kidding. I’m not. She's a bit like that woman in the SNL skit.

She’s really like this, and she says it with such conviction that my gullible daughter buys every single word. It doesn’t seem to bother Lily, and many of the things Rose comes up with are so hilarious I have to stifle laughter. Sometimes, I can’t even do that because they are so ludicrous and unbelievable, and outrageous, I snort with laughter.

Example One:

For instance, Rose, the oldest child of two, supposedly has five older sisters and one brother. (She only has one younger brother.) She never sees any of these older “siblings.” And whatever day it happens to be, one of them is having a birthday party that she can’t attend… ever. (g)

One of her sisters is thirteen and has to live at Disneyland for the next five years. She cannot leave the park the entire five years. I don’t remember how that sister came to be, but I am sure Lily and Rose were discussing something—perhaps Lily talked of our recent trip out of town, and Rose had to make up something “better.”

HAHAHAHAHA

Example Two:

When we returned from my mother’s, Lily couldn’t wait to share the loom Grandma had given her for her birthday with Rose. She wanted to teach her how to weave a hot pad. Apparently, Rose already knew how and didn’t need Lily to teach her. Not only can she weave a hot pad, but she can weave a whole shirt, pants, and socks.

Okay. (g)

I wasn’t aware that you could weave an entire shirt on that tiny loom, or any loom truth be told. Matter of fact, the only things I knew people could weave on looms were either blankets, perhaps a scarf/square shawl, or material for making clothing. All of the demonstrations I’ve ever seen never showed what Rose claimed. Please correct me if I am wrong. I don’t use a loom, so I am a bit ignorant about what can and can’t be made on them. I would imagine that if you can do clothes, you must be a champion weaver. Something I don't imagine a six-year-old would master yet.

Example Three:

My favorite, so far, of Rose’s one-up-man-ship involves Medusa.

The other day, Lily’s book on Greek myths was on the dining room table. While they ate lunch, Lily was telling Rose all about the Greek myths. (Her favorite is Heracles, as opposed to Roman Hercules. They are one and the same person, just different names.) The girls looked through the book, Lily commenting on the different pictures and giving Rose a short review of the stories.

Rose didn’t like that Lily knew something she didn’t, even though it’s bound to happen. Lily is older, in a higher grade, and exposed to different things than Rose. Rose knows things Lily doesn’t and vice versa.

Well, Rose saw the picture of Medusa. Apparently, her aunt has a tattoo of Medusa on her arm. They started discussing Medusa. Rose didn’t believe that one look from Medusa turned people to stone. I chimed in and said that, yes, Medusa’s gaze turned people to stone, but this was centuries past before she was killed by Perseus. They didn’t need to worry about Medusa anymore. (That last part was added as Rose seemed really scared Medusa would come to get her.)

Rose asked, “Where did Medusa live?”

“Greece,” I said. (This book was on the Greek myths after all.)

Without missing a beat, Rose said, “Well, I have a brother. He’s thirty-three and lives in Greece. He looked in Medusa's eyes and didn’t turn to stone.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh. My. God.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Really? He looked in Medusa's eyes?

HAHAHAHAHAHA

All righty then.

This is a very small example of the stories Rose creates in order to one-up my daughter. They never fail to make me laugh. Perhaps it’s because she’s not quite seven yet, and Lily doesn’t seem to care. Perhaps it’s because they are completely unbelievable yet Lily falls for them every time. (g) Whatever it is, it makes me, and Charlie, laugh and laugh and laugh.

I hope they made you laugh, too. (g)

14 comments:

Faith said...

LOLOL! That last one gave me a big chuckle. Brother in Greece, indeed!

wlynnchantale said...

LOL! That's so cute and just what i needed. I remember a demo with a loom and don't remember anything about making a shirt, but hey...anything's possible.
Thanks for posting.

Cassie Exline said...

LOL that's hilarious. Wonder if Rose realizes that the 33 year old brother is probably as old as her parents? Maybe he was adopted. ;) And no shirt making on my loom, just lopsided dishcloths and potholders. lol

Taryn Raye said...

Perhaps Rose is a born storyteller... ;o)

I think I'd be a bit aggravated and amused by the situation myself. I have an 8 year old daughter so I can just imagine the tales!

Around here, the biggest "one upper" I know of is my stepson.

If I tell him about something I grew up with or did or ate as a child- something so far off the mark I doubt many others have done it, he'll instantly tell me that his MOM has done the same exact thing.

Yeah, sure sweetie. I've actually called him on it a few times and he stammers and turns beet red in the face. I've been in his life since he was 2 1/2 (he's 12 now) and I know him like the back of my hand and I know that's just his way of trying to make his mother "equal" to me, or better than me in his mind, I guess.

I'm sure if I told him I raised orphaned baby possums(which I did) and fed them with an eye dropper when I was a teenager, he'd say his mom did the same thing, too. How amazing is that! LOL

Thanks for the a wonderful laugh and I know which lady from the SNL skit you're talking about. Thing is, her stories are always "true" though! LOL

Anthology Authors said...

I know, Faith. What's even better is that she asked me first where Medusa was before deciding where he lived. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

Lynn,

It could be possible, but I'm still thinking you'd have to be pretty darn good to do it. (g) One would think anyway.

Marci

Anthology Authors said...

We were telling her parents about it the other night, Cassie. Her parents are aware of her stories, but they weren't aware of how elaborate they were. I think her mom was starting to get a bit annoyed by it as they asked Rose about the brother, and she insisted that he was real until her mom's voice held a warning tone. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

That would drive me nuts, Taryn. He may not mean it the way it comes across, but that is incredibly insensitive.

Rose, at one point, used to talk to Lily about her best friend. It was very hurtful. I finally explained to her why this wasn't okay. She hasn't done it since.

Marci

Debbie said...

LOL that's too cute Marci. My lil one has a one upper too. Matter of fact, there are a couple of them! hehe I can't help but chuckle at what comes out of the mouths of babes!

Anonymous said...

LOL!!! Kids that age are TOO CUTE! I just hope she outgrows it.

I watched a kid who was 11 who had to 'One Up' everyone. His mom complained how he had no friends. After a week...I could see why. Everything was..."I can do it better...really...well I..." and off he went. I finally sat down with him to explain nobody enjoyed him doing that and how everyone is good at certain things and some things...not so much. He kept it up so one day I began to 'One up' him. By noon he was FRUSTRATED and ANGRY. LOL. I sat down with him and said..."It's annoying, isn't it? This is what you do to other people." I don't know if he learned anything, if it sunk in, but I hope so!!! His mom got a new job so they moved.

Anthology Authors said...

Debbie,

I know. Because of Lily's seizures, which she appears to be done with (hallelujah), we still use a baby monitor when she sleeps. When she has a sleepover, we leave it on just to listen to them talk. Being a couple of rooms away, we can laugh without them knowing it. Hahahahaha

Oh, the conversations they have! They are hilarious!

Marci

Anthology Authors said...

Anon, I thought I responded to this. I guess not. Hm...

You did what you could. He'll either figure it out, or he won't. Really, it should be his parents taking care of it. It's sad for him because friends are a wonderful thing.

Marci

Robyn M Speed said...

Yep, that chick's gonna be a writer!

Janice said...

I think it depends on the loom you have, but I bet the loom your daughter was given is fit only for making pot holders. I had one at that age and my mom used my potholders for years.