Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Dead People Can't Run


I’m talking about horrible hot, humid air, not the kind blown out your backside announcing last night’s chili, but the sort that arrives when a high pressure system—Jeez! Forget about the chili!—moves into a region and hangs over it like Uncle Ned does the toilet when he’s mixed too many deviled eggs and beer again.

I could never live in a rain forest. The heat is one thing, but the humidity sucks major butt. It has been so hot across much of the U.S. that heat advisories are the norm now. And I’m sorry, but anyone who goes out to jog at 2 PM when it’s 98 degrees and the heat index is 116, is an idiot. The hubby and I have been watching The Weather Channel in the evenings, and it is one report after another about people in various areas who have been taken to the ER due to heat stroke or exhaustion. If you’re going to exercise, go out at the butt crack of dawn or wait until it’s almost dark. For crying out loud, a tight ass isn’t worth dying for. And if you’re training for a marathon, dead people can’t run.


It’s hot. Yeah, said that already. I’ll say it again. It’s freaking hot—and miserable! The other day, my hubby came home and said the thermometer in town read 113 degrees. He already works in intense heat because he’s a welder, but add more heat and humidity to it, and the man comes home, eats, cleans up, and then crashes in bed. The weather zaps him, and then I worry about him all day.

One evening, after the sun had started to go down, I went out to water the tomatoes and my flower bed and when I walked back into the house, I thought my contacts had melted to my eyeballs. You know it’s unbelievably hot when you’re out on concrete for a few minutes and your foam flip-flops start falling apart.

I hate winter. I hate being cold. But after this summer, I think I hate high temperatures and humidity more. At least in the cold, you can add more clothes, but no matter how many clothes you take off when it’s hot and humid, you can’t cool off. And I’m not walking around naked or wearing Band-Aids and a thong-ong-ong. The farmers run up and down the road on their tractors too many times a day as it is.

Hmm, which is worse? Summer vacation stuck in the house or cooler temps when the kids go back to school. I dunno… Sometimes dealing with school bs is enough to make me detonate, so you’d think I’d be used to the heat by now, LMAO.


Liz said...

where do ya live sweetness? I grew up SE Kentucky, and went to school in Louisville (a.k.a. Ohio River Valley) so this is just what I was used to. Now, that I'm transplanted to SE Michigan, however, I bitch about it a lot!

Faith said...

I'm in Ohio close to Wheeling, WV, Liz. The heat is one thing, but it's the humidity that just about does me in. I detest breathing semi-liquid air and feeling half-sick all the time.

Drove by my kids' school the other day and the coaches had the kids out in this weather for football practice. I thought, "there's a lawsuit waiting to happen."

Cassie Exline said...

Oh yes, oh yes. The humidity is terrible. This morning it was in the 70s and I'm thinking yeah!! Jack Frost weather -- nope. One trip down the street and I'm sweating bullets. Car windows keep steaming up and not for a good reason either. You're right, it doesn't matter how many clothes you take off, you can't get away from this humidity. My poor hubby works in the heat and it drains him.

Faith said...

My hubby was sunburnt and drained when I got home yesterday. His arms and neck looked like someone had painted him with red paint. He looked like he'd been put through the wringer. I sympathize with anyone who has to work in this heat or in an environment where there's high temps and then nature's heat too.

Tess MacKall said...

We're breathing steam for sure. I'm sick of the heat.

Jim Hartley said...

It's pretty bad down here in Florida (Orlando area) too, but a lot of us have one great advantage ... our house, like many, has a swimming pool! You walk out of the air-conditioned house and go "Woof!" at the heat, but then you're in the water, and that's really nice.

I can sympathize with the rest of you, though. We just got back from visiting our daughter in NY, it was hot up there too, and she doesn't even have central A/C, just a couple of window units. That was pretty miserable.

Faith said...

We have window units, too, Jim. However, this big farmhouse is so well insulated that the window units keep it a nice 70 degrees give or take. I have to keep one of the three units in my office due to all the electronics in there.

James L. Hatch said...

109 yesterday (the temp, not the heat index). It feels like Phoenix, but it's central Texas. We can stay cool in the A/C, but miss going outside. Looking forward to fall big time.

Janice said...

I've been hearing about the high temps back East. You folks have it bad as we usually do.

We've been actually having a cool summer. Our temps have been hovering around 100, but it's a dry heat.

But hots hot.

I sit down in my hot car in a pair of shorts and can hear my legs sizzle.

Hubby works at the local winery, outside in the heat, with the sun bouncing between the holding tanks. He comes home soaked to the skin, having sweated through coveralls, T-shirt and shorts.

I have to help him undress, because his clothes stick to him. I tell him that it's my favorite part of the day, stripping him naked.

Here's a bit of advice from someone who lives in an dry arid region: stay inside, stay cool and drink plenty of water. Like you pointed out, anyone who jogs or exercises in this heat is just asking for trouble.

And remember it won't stay hot forever--it just feels that way.


Anthology Authors said...

You know, you might have a better chance of me running when I'm dead. (g) I'm not fond of running. It's been just below average here. Apparently, the valley is scorching. On the Westside, it's been less than overwhelming. I enjoy hot weather...without the humidity. We visited my mother's last week. It was in the 90s there, but the humidity level is around 20%. Honestly, it didn't seem hot. One day, it hit 99. That was hot, but the rest of the days were not bad. When we came home, and the humidity level was 70% even though it was in the high 70s-low 80s, it still felt hotter.

Let's just say I'm glad I live here. (g)

Shaunna Wolf said...

I live in central Texas, we have not had rain for so long I can't remember when it did rain, I think the last rain that did more than tease us with a few spits was early June, last good rain was May 21st when the hail destroyed my roof. We've had 35 days over 100 in a row, 45 plus this summer of over 100.

Insane does not cover it. Last year we had only abut a week of 100 degree days.

When I was a kid if you had days anywhere over 100 it made the news, like it was some big amazing event--now the 10 day forecast saying 105, 106, 107 all the way out somehow looks normal and frightening.

Wildlife rehab and rescue is a nightmare in this and critters are desperate for water and food that is gone due to the drought.

Saw a sign at the gym the other day that said, Hotter than Hades 5k run. Are they nuts???

Faith said...

Janice, I hate it when I forget and sit on a car seat only to get fried buns.

We've ranged from 70% humidity to above 90% for the last month, Marci. I detest cold weather, but this time I'm rather looking forward to it.

Are they nuts, Shaunna? Yes, I do believe they are. They better make sure runners sign waivers.

Robyn M Speed said...

God but I LOVE your sense of humour!!

I lived in Singapore for 4 years, and after a rain the humidity was so thick it was like walking through water. You knew you would sweat every day.

I LOVE summer...and I loath winter! I suppose you can tell from that comment that I am stuck in winter over/down here!!

Oh, and whenever I see someone running, I want to wind down the car window and offer them a lift!

Faith said...

Glad you appreciate my warped humor, Robyn. LOL!

Robyn M Speed said...

I firmly believe that only the warped will survive!!!

And the strong....or maybe that should be only the strongly warped will survive?

And when my time to exit comes, I want to bowl on through the proverbial pearly gates in hysterics!!

Sharon Sullivan-Craver said...

I'm right there with ya sister...and I love reading your blogs. They make my day ( oops that's Dirty Harry's Thank you for the entertainment.

Faith said...

Hey, only the warped survive can be our new motto! LOL!

Sharon, glad you enjoy the entertainment here!

Faith said...
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