Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Remembering What I Forgot

I thought of something really ranty to blog about earlier, and now I’ve forgotten what the hell it was. Not unusual for me lately. My head is full of to-do, so inconsequential things seem to feel they have no business being in my head for long. Things like switching on the slow cooker. I mean, feeding everyone isn’t that important, right? Going to the toilet—sod that for a laugh, my brain says, you can wait, Mr Poo! Forgetting your age—hey, what’s the problem with thinking you’re two years younger? Going for a bath and washing your greasy, looks-like-a-tramp’s hair—it’s good to stink once in a while. Makes you grateful you have running water and soap to wash with.

You get the picture.

Still, although my mind isn’t doing what it should in some areas, it is in others. I’m wondering, as I age, whether it’s just working that little bit slower when it comes to certain things. Do we feel that what was once imperative no longer is when we get older? I think so. At least I hope that’s what’s going on with me; otherwise, I’m in for a whole heap of trouble as the years roll by. I’ll be the old granny who pisses her pants because she forgot to visit the bathroom and then forgets to bathe afterwards, beige polyester trousers stinking of piddle and stiff as a board.

My catchphrase of the moment is: “Oh, crap! I forgot!” Family members are taking this well. I’m worried, though, that they’re going to start guiding me by the elbow to the thing I was meant to do and explaining in a slow monotone: “Mum, thiiiis iiiiis the toy-let. You sit on iiiit to peeee. Please sit on iiiit now. Noooo, you need to pull your pants down fiiiirst. Thaaaat’s it…”

A sobering thought.

And shit, here I am now, STILL trying to think of my original blog post. I bet it comes to me later, and then I’ll forget to write it down for tomorrow…


Nope, nothing. Absolutely sod all in my head except an ache.

Ah, my God, she’s got it! I’ll tell you how I remembered. You’ve got to love mind mapping and word association. After writing above that I forget to go to the toilet, and because I couldn’t bear to try and recall my rant any longer, I actually went to the toilet. While sitting there, as you do, I thought of my granddad and what he used to say when he went to the loo: “I’m going for a think.” And it works, you know. You do think. Granted, half the time I’m thinking, “I wish this wasn’t so much like giving birth!” but that’s another post altogether.

My rant came to mind, and it is this:

We only have one bathroom. Whenever I go to have a bath, someone ALWAYS wants a poo. Okay, they’ve gone from wanting one when I’m actually IN the bath to asking, “Who’s running a bath?”

“Me,” I say in a scary voice, knowing damn well what’s coming next.

“Oh, can I just quickly have a poo?”

How you can know whether your poo is going to be a quick one I don’t bloody know—we all know that’s a dicey thing to judge, don’t we?—but it never fails to amaze me how often this happens.

Before running the bath, I tend to ask if anyone needs the bathroom—years of my soak being interrupted by kids has taught me that—and everyone says, “No, no. We don’t need the loo.”

Well, they do. Something in their brains likes to lull me into a false sense of security, that I’ll have a bath with only the aroma of bubbles and soap. And then, BAM! The devil kicks in and decides I must have other aromas as well.

It. Really. Bugs. Me.

If I was a mean person, I’d ignore them, get in the bath, stay there for over an hour, and just let them shit themselves, but I can’t bring myself to do that.

No, I can’t.

Can I?

*evil laughter*


Tess MacKall said...

Oh honey, I have a file entitled Don't Forget This. And blogging ideas? I have a blogging ideas file too. When I get an idea, I pull up that file and tap out the idea quickly before I forget it.

The forgetfulness is STRESS. Pure and simple. You're ON all the time. It never ends. If you're not ON online, then you're ON with family and cleaning and all of the responsibilities that go along with life.

There are too many people tugging at us all the time. Too many things. That forgetfulness is the brain's coping mechanism. It's telling us to slow down, that we're doing too much. If it forgets? Well, then we shouldn't be doing it. lol

At least that's what I tell MY family. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Big Momma said...

I don't have a lot of time for baths with my two wee ones running around causing trouble. I went to take one the other day and before I had been in there for maybe 5 minutes, my older toddler, who had insisted he totally did not want a bath, came running into the bathroom. My husband came to take him back out. Suddenly, my toddler was beside himself. Tears. Screams. Flailing. "Momma, I want a baaaaaaff!"
So I let him take a bath with me. Oh, well. I'm happy I got to take a bath at all (and so is anybody downwind). ;D

Anthology Authors said...

I'm with you on this, Sarah. I get some brilliant ideas for blogs and rants, only to be somewhere I can't write them down. (I don't always carry my iPhone. Yeah, I know. Blasphemy! LOL) Or I'm going potty, and by the time i wash my hands, I've forgotten the brilliant idea. It happens the most while I swim, though. There is no place for writing utensils, or electronic gadgets, when you swim.

As for that bath, I think a few times just letting them stew in it might cure them of that habit. (g)

Sarah Masters said...

I need one of those files, Tess. It's normal everyday stuff I'm forgetting. Really weird.


Sarah Masters said...

LOL @ Big Momma's "downwind".


Sarah Masters said...

Yep, same here, Marci. The idea flees and something else takes its place. Tis a bum!


ev said...

Post it Notes. I have them all over the house and keep a small pad and pen in the bathroom. I forget crap all the time (no pun there). I think it's menopause.

Even tho we have two bathrooms, there are, well, were three of us. Inevitably hubby would be in one, me in the other and the kid would come in while I was in the shower because her father "takes to damn long in the frigging bathroom". Of course, she brings her laptop in.

Now I have to have the dogs and cats follow me and if I close the door tight, they have a fit. The only time they leave me alone is when the shower is on!

Faith said...

LOL, I do the same thing before I take a bath, Sarah. However, no matter how many times I ask if anyone needs in the bathroom before I take a shower or bath, there is ALWAYS someone who comes in to pee or poo regardless.