Monday, 30 July 2012

Blowing Raspberries

The stress in the Bicknell-Brown household during this lovely summer vacation has should I say it? Of mushroom-cloud proportions?

I’m not going to bore you with a long four-page post of what’s been going on, but between my hubby’s hours being cut at work, the loss of my transportation and being confined at home for the last 3 ½ months, my family moving in for a week due to no power in their homes, a teen girl who *thinks* she’s in love and believes I should sprout feathers and fly her to see her bf every day, and all the nice plans I had for this summer being dashed to smithereens, I walk a very thin line that cuts through the lands of Insane Town and WhydoIbotherville.

Why do stressful times seem to snowball? One bad thing happens, followed by another crappy problem, and another, and another.... Whether it’s financial problems, health scares, teens tormenting you and everyone else in the never seems to stop. No, it goes on for months!

I’m one who often bitches about the public school system and dread it when my children return to school because of the mountains of stupid paperwork (Seriously? They can’t send a card home that says “Any New Changes?” Yes or no. If yes, fill out the form below) and even when you do, the office personnel still screw it up and blame YOU for THEIR blunders (it took me half—I repeat—half a school year before I could get the middle school secretaries to change our cell number! Breathe, Faith, breathe!). I’m always the one who wails about the lack of common sense in the Board of Education offices, and the numerous inane laws that are passed every year.

But you know what? This year I’m looking forward to school starting!

Put on these clothes. Wear those shoes. Your backpack is by the door. Here’s your lunch. Now get the hell out of here!

I kid you not, I have a magnet in my ass. There’s no other explanation for the fact that whenever I go to the bathroom and shut the door, there’s a kid banging on it saying, “Hey, Mom...!” Or if I go outside to get away for a few minutes—even sitting in 107 degrees with humidity!—here come the kids, who suddenly decide they want to sit in the heat, too.

My gums are sore from clenching my teeth at night.

I have acid reflux so bad I could spit on the carpet and it would burst into flames.

I need to help the hubs with the finances, so I fret I’m not writing fast enough to submit more and more manuscripts, so then I freeze and make myself sick.

And I’ve been forgetting about the hose in the washer as it fills, flooding the laundry room floor. Oh, and let’s not forget the bacon, pancakes, etc., I forget about on the stove and return to find them smoking and so hard I could use them as hockey pucks.

Yeah, the stress is getting the best of me. I try not to let it, but it’s there all the same.

And not having wheels for nearly 4 months actually makes me feel sorry for anyone who’s under house arrest. I have been to church once, to the store twice, and two the local mom-and-pop store twice when the hubs went to get gasoline. [Blows raspberries as my eyes roll back in my head]

If anyone is going on vacation to a tropical region, stop by and pick me up, please. You don’t even have to land the plane, just toss down an extremely long life line and I’ll grab it on your way by.


Robyn M Speed said...

Faith...I know it's not funny...but at the same time, it's freakin hilarious!!

However, I am sorry you are so stressed! As you said 'Breath!'

Faith said...

LOL, no worries, Robyn. That's why I rant like this because I can turn it into humor. It helps relieve the stress.

Willa Edwards said...

I can certainly understand where you're coming from Faith. I'm currently having some stressful issues of my own, and its definitely effecting my creative output. Which just makes me more stressed.

I hope your stress is elevated soon.

Faith said...

{{{HUGS}}} going your way, Willa. I pray all settles for you very soon!

My parents stopped by for a visit this morning. Being able to talk with them helped me relieve a lot of stress. I am very, very blessed to have such good, loving parents in my life.

geminimoon60 said...

Well versed ,hon ,!!!!....HILARIOUS !!

Faith said...

LOL, thank you, Geminimoon! :o)

Patricia said...

Oh my god I'm laughing my ass off! This is one of THE funniest posts I've ever read. You have made my day! I just got off the phone talking about a very depressing family matter and then read this.

Faith said...

Aw, you are so welcome! It makes me feel wonderful that I could help someone feel better. <3

Anonymous said...

My Gram said,"If you want to get a kid to pay attention to you, just go in the bathroom and close the door."

At least all the crap is happening at once. After it's all done, you'll be SO relieved! :)


Faith said...


Shiela Stewart said...

WTF Faith. How many mirrors did you break. Run, don't walk, run to the nearest store and buy out all the lucky rabbits feet and four leaf clovers. And yes, you have to run back home. You damn well know that magnet in your ass will only have the kids coming after you. :)

I hope your bad luck changes soon.

C.M. Michaels said...

I've read one of your posts, Faith, and I feel like I know you already :) I haven't laughed that hard in a while... thank you!

I am sorry the current troubles in your life are the source of your comic material, and hope things turn for the better soon!!

Jessica Subject said...

I can totally relate to the bathroom and paperwork at school issue. Been there. Many times. I hope some of your stress disappears soon. September is only a month away. Time to start a countdown.

Faith said...

Shiela, nice to see you stop by, and I've tried all the good luck stuff, I'm not so sure it works, lol.

Hello, C.M.! Aw, it's okay that I turn my stress into comedy here at 4SW. It makes me feel good when I can make people laugh. And writing such material is a good way to vent stress, too.

Well, Jessica, it's good to know I'm not alone. Sometimes it can feel that way, but when I write such posts and see how many others suffer through similar things it gives me a li'l hope that the chaos will blow over soon. Thankfully school starts here the very end of August.

Fiona McGier said...

I can really relate to the "gums are sore from gnashing my teeth at night" thing! Have someone drive you to the dentist and get fitted for a mouth guard. It fits over your top teeth and keeps you from ruining your molars with the grinding, and you won't wake up with holes in your mouth where you bit through your cheeks! Believe me, I resisted it for years, but I'm glad I have one now!

I hate to tell you, but when the kids get older, you still have stress...just of a different kind. Mine are all in college...yes, 2 this year, 3 last year! So the bills are never-ending and I work so many jobs that I'm rarely home...hence the need to sleep without doing myself an injury!

Hope the end of the summer brings you some relief. Thanks for sharing. Somehow laughing at life makes it less painful, right?

Anonymous said...

Oh, Faith, that really sucks! I definitely hear you when it comes to the car situation. My faithful (no pun intended) old Toyota needs some work, and she's been gone almost a week. I hate thinking "Oh crap, I have to go to the store," jumping up with keys in hand... and realizing I have to call my mother for a ride. *sigh*

I hope the stress wall melts soon!

Faith said...

Fiona, I've been without any sort of health insurance for 5 years now. No way to come up with that sort of dough when I'm still raising kids. I've priced u,preen ins policies and all are way out in the ozone for us.

Heather, it was the same for me when I was first without my blazer. I don't know how many times I'd grab my puse and go out the door only to get on the first porch step and realize I had no wheels.