Back-to-School Shopping or Choking the Idiot in Aisle 5

What is it about holidays, big town events, sales, and back-to-school shopping that brings the worst out in people? How does a nice day of shopping as you say, “Wow, this is neat!” or “Honey, try this pretty dress on.” turn into a spat in the cereal aisle with the lady who has buns as wide as a two-lane highway? Or an argument of “Hey buddy! That backpack is mine! Drop it or lose some fingers!”

Cough-cough! My apologies (not!) for my sarcasm. One of the things about the back-to-school season I could do without is the crazy people running around. Besides, I’d rather spend my time writing in the quiet (Bwahaha! Forgot for a moment I have kids!) comfort of my home.

Once, while sorting through zippered binders for the style the teachers put on the list (I will not bitch about school supply lists, I will not bitch about school supply lists, I will not bitch about....), a shopper had the nerve to whisper to her dau, “I can’t get the pink binder because that woman his holding it and refuses to move.”

A)   I didn’t even know she was there until she spoke.

B)   Common courtesy goes a long way. Just say, “Excuse me, can I sort through those, too?”

C)   Throwing the pink binder at her like a projectile missile can clear an aisle in 2.2 seconds flat.

No, I didn’t really do that...well, I did do it to a math teacher once. If she hadn’t ducked she would’ve had the words ‘Math 101’ imprinted on her forehead.

Anyhoo, school-shopping craziness always fractures my muse. It has a big crack running down the middle of it. However, my hubby always says I’m naturally half-cracked but that’s beside the point.

Anyone have any Super Glue?

Ahem.

But as I grow older and the economy steadily turns to pure poo, I’ve been noticing my temper grows shorter and shorter as well as bigger and ‘holy hell, run! That woman’s loose again!’

I can’t help it. It just seems like people get nastier, ruder, and more inconsiderate each and every day. I suppose they’re stressed, too. And I suppose, just like me, they’re worrying about every penny they spend as they try to keep food in the house, gas in their vehicles, and all their monthly bills paid.

Still...that thought doesn’t prevent me from trying to choke the life out of the bastard in the men’s department. All I wanted was a pack of underwear for my hubby. If you try to take something out of my buggy that I intend to buy, you run the risk of having said buggy driven right up your back alley. When the store manager arrived to pull me off of him tightening a tie off the rack around his neck, I told him I was only trying to teach that poor, dear man how to fix the knot.

Then the manager pointed at the camera above us.

Damn.

No, no...I didn’t do that either, lamo, but I did get rather furious at some chick I discovered riffling through my buggy once for something she wanted because I’d gotten the last one off the shelf. These dark ol’ Indian eyes can get a message across faster than a text message.

Seriously, though, I seldom say anything to anyone who has balls enough to be exceedingly rude or even mean out in public. I get my point across with just a look. My two daughters tell me it goes right through a person and h/she doesn’t know whether to run or reach for the pepper spray.

I hate grocery shopping. I detest back-to-school shopping. Oh, and don’t even get me started on Christmas shopping.

There are major benefits to buying online and having it shipped to your home. Just make sure the idiots don’t get packaged with my purchases—or it’s on! ☺