Friday, 27 July 2012

Back-to-School Shopping or Choking the Idiot in Aisle 5

What is it about holidays, big town events, sales, and back-to-school shopping that brings the worst out in people? How does a nice day of shopping as you say, “Wow, this is neat!” or “Honey, try this pretty dress on.” turn into a spat in the cereal aisle with the lady who has buns as wide as a two-lane highway? Or an argument of “Hey buddy! That backpack is mine! Drop it or lose some fingers!”

Cough-cough! My apologies (not!) for my sarcasm. One of the things about the back-to-school season I could do without is the crazy people running around. Besides, I’d rather spend my time writing in the quiet (Bwahaha! Forgot for a moment I have kids!) comfort of my home.

Once, while sorting through zippered binders for the style the teachers put on the list (I will not bitch about school supply lists, I will not bitch about school supply lists, I will not bitch about....), a shopper had the nerve to whisper to her dau, “I can’t get the pink binder because that woman his holding it and refuses to move.”

A)   I didn’t even know she was there until she spoke.
B)   Common courtesy goes a long way. Just say, “Excuse me, can I sort through those, too?”
C)   Throwing the pink binder at her like a projectile missile can clear an aisle in 2.2 seconds flat.

No, I didn’t really do that...well, I did do it to a math teacher once. If she hadn’t ducked she would’ve had the words ‘Math 101’ imprinted on her forehead.

Anyhoo, school-shopping craziness always fractures my muse. It has a big crack running down the middle of it. However, my hubby always says I’m naturally half-cracked but that’s beside the point.

Anyone have any Super Glue?


But as I grow older and the economy steadily turns to pure poo, I’ve been noticing my temper grows shorter and shorter as well as bigger and ‘holy hell, run! That woman’s loose again!’

I can’t help it. It just seems like people get nastier, ruder, and more inconsiderate each and every day. I suppose they’re stressed, too. And I suppose, just like me, they’re worrying about every penny they spend as they try to keep food in the house, gas in their vehicles, and all their monthly bills paid.

Still...that thought doesn’t prevent me from trying to choke the life out of the bastard in the men’s department. All I wanted was a pack of underwear for my hubby. If you try to take something out of my buggy that I intend to buy, you run the risk of having said buggy driven right up your back alley. When the store manager arrived to pull me off of him tightening a tie off the rack around his neck, I told him I was only trying to teach that poor, dear man how to fix the knot.

Then the manager pointed at the camera above us.


No, no...I didn’t do that either, lamo, but I did get rather furious at some chick I discovered riffling through my buggy once for something she wanted because I’d gotten the last one off the shelf. These dark ol’ Indian eyes can get a message across faster than a text message.

Seriously, though, I seldom say anything to anyone who has balls enough to be exceedingly rude or even mean out in public. I get my point across with just a look. My two daughters tell me it goes right through a person and h/she doesn’t know whether to run or reach for the pepper spray.

I hate grocery shopping. I detest back-to-school shopping. Oh, and don’t even get me started on Christmas shopping.

There are major benefits to buying online and having it shipped to your home. Just make sure the idiots don’t get packaged with my purchases—or it’s on! ☺


Mychael Black said...


Faith said...

LMAO! I take it you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about, Mychael!

Anonymous said...

I'm actually one of those people who says things like,"Um, 'excuse me' works" when a group of teens cut in front of me out of rudeness, and I once (or twice....ok, at least 3 times) got straight ugly-educational on people who came up to ask me to buy stuff or beg from me in the parking lot of the grocery when I had my kids with me. A 5'9" mama with a death glare and firm voice saying,"STEP BACK away from me. Are you nuts? You do NOT approach a mother with her children!" gets a reaction.

People need to know not everyone has fluid boundaries and rudeness is sometimes NOT tolerated. I work to be polite and teach my kids manners, so being *mumbles* years old and expecting the same is not out of the realm of basic expectations, IMHO. I'm usually quite personable, but get all up on my rude-o-meter is a surefire way of bringing out the 'hell no' in me. lol

I empathize, Faith! Truly!

Faith said...

Ah, I'm a gal who's also 5'9" and I have a big, raw-bone frame, too. It's amazing how fast people will scatter when you stand up straight and glare, isn't it? LOLOL!

Oh, how I hate it when cheerleaders, football players, the school band, insert name of charity or fundraiser, stand at the door and make you feel like you MUST donate to them. Walmart and then our li'l local Convenient Store are the two worst places for that here. When I go to Convenient I only take x amount of money with me because that particular store is so expensive and my kids always want everything they see. I usually tell whatever fundraiser person is at the door that they got all my spare dollar bills and change from the last time I was there!

Jessica Subject said...

This is exactly why I try to shop early in the morning, or late at night. Not only do I have less "rude" people to deal with, but I can usually get away without my kids, which is a whole 'nother headache when they don't want to be there.

And I've only started my back-to-school shopping. *groans*

Paul McDermott said...

Back to school shopping?? faints
School only finished for the summer break yesterday!!
And (to quote Robert Rankin) "It's a rule, or a regulation, or something" that children grow AT LEAST a foot, or 3 dress sizes during the summer vacation so there's no point in buying clothes yet ...!
I thought it was bad enough when my local pub took down the "Join us for St. Patrick's Night" sign on March 18th and replaced it with "Book your Christmas Dinner NOW!" but maybe that's the way of the world ...
I made my "Miserable Old Git" stand on the bus this afternoon when I told a loudmouthed 12-yr-old slob to take his feet off the seats.
"What you gonna do about it?" screams a pimply youth of maybe 18 from the back of the bus.
I told HIM I'd eaten bigger than him for breakfast, and offered to plant my crutch so far up his @** it would make his eyes water ...
Tuts from other passengers - none of whom had thought to challenge the slob with muddy shoes - but (1) shoes were removed and (2) Pimples kept his mouth shut for the rest of the journey.
Job Done,IMHO

Anthology Authors said...

Well, I was grouchy today after running to three different stores to get what I needed. So, my final stop was Sprout's (where, by the way, I was this morning, but didn't realize that I needed more powdered sugar.) I passed by this young couple--my windows are rolled down--and I hear the woman (who's maybe in her 20s) say, "There aren't any places to put this cart? Really? I don't want to walk (the 30 yds) back to the front of the store." She starts walking toward the empty parking space that I pull into and prevent her from turning into a cart parking spot.

The man says, "Just put it in front of our car."

I get out.

She approaches me and says, "Do you need a shopping cart?"

"No, but I'll take it back for you," I say.

"Oh, that's so nice of you."

"Not really. I don't feel like possibly running into it with my car." As I walk toward the store, I say to myself, "I am so tired of lazy people."

I have to admit, though, this did not make me feel good, but I am tired of people who can't just put their carts back. If you are not disabled, injured, or don't have a small child with (even that is not an excuse to me), you can walk that cart back to the front of the store. It's not that hard.

Rant done.

Still, next time that happens, I will try to do with more grace. Perhaps it was all the running around and trying to get things ready for the party tomorrow. Cleaning house never puts me in a good mood.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Faith, it's not school fundraisers or any legit fundraising at all, it's grown young men selling magazines or candy bars or just coming up and asking for money. Girl Scouts and cheerleaders stay at the store's door, these guys follow you to your car and ask repeatedly. THAT gets Mama Bear all kinds of mad. LOL

Faith said...

I like to shop during the early morning hours, too, Jessica.

Paul, I would've saluted you if I had been on the bus with you.

Marci, I can totally relate!

H, they follow you to your car? Aren't there any cops around to stop them from doing that crap to people?

Mary Corrales said...

I've had someone take my stuff out of the cart in order to take the cart, but never have I had anyone pick through my cart. Sheesh.

What I enjoy at Walmart is when the employees cut you off or stand in the middle of the aisle and chat when I'm trying to shop. Very nice. *sarcasm*