Monday, 13 February 2012

Heroine Sara Jane Thornton Has Had A Bad Week!

An Open Letter from Sara Jane Thornton, heroine of my latest release: Floor Time. She (and her so-called “Hero” Jack Gordon) are Realtors and she has had a bad week.

Dear potential buyer or seller,

This is Your Future Realtor Sara. I just want to clarify a few things before we get started down the wide, wide superhighway to hell, erm, home ownership.

I am not wealthy. I only drive this expensive car so I can appear to be. And for the record it's really hard to keep it this clean all the damn time. So don't spill your double mocha half caff cinnamon sugar spun BS latte on the leather, okay?

I don't like your kids. Keep them out of my car. If you MUST bring them, and they throw up in my aforementioned really clean car, I will smile, pull over and set all of you on the side of the road--in my imagination. I need this commission.

I do not allow animals in my car. If you are One Of Those People who can't live a single second out of your dog's sight, I suggest you buy a doghouse together. It will be cheaper.

I am NOT your enemy. Contrary to popular opinion I am here to help you. I am an expert in this market. You are not, no matter how much Zillowing you do. I spend hours every single day studying houses, prices, mortgage rates, inspectors, historical trends and other actual market data. You can trust me.

I know what your house is worth. I don't care if you have a PhD, an M.D., a Th.D. or a J.D. I have a RLD: Real Life Degree. I know what your house is worth on the Real Live Housing Market. Not what you wish it was, or what you paid for it or how much you overspent on that obnoxious kitchen renovation. And for the record, those buyers you just rejected without counter-offering? They were your best buyers. Firsts usually are. Too bad you think you know more than me. They won't be coming back.

When I say "keep your house in showing condition that means (in English): No clutter, no food, no animals, no kids, no mess and no unmown lawns. Ever.

I don't want to be your friend necessarily. This is what we like to call an "arm's length transaction." It's why you hired me. So you didn't have to have your Uncle Wally or cousin Mathilda who still keep their real estate license active “to help family” haul you around for months while you hemmed and hawed. Strangers are better at that sort of thing.

I will not take you house shopping until you've been verified by at least two (if not three) legit mortgage lenders (read: BANKs) that you can actually borrow money to purchase a house. This does not include the Bank of the Internet OR that guy in Uganda offering you 1.5 zillion British Pound Sterling. Seriously. I won't.

I am not an attorney. I am not a general contractor. I am not a radon inspector. I am not a lender. I am not a marriage counselor or a babysitter. I am not yer mom. I could be any of these things in a second, and answer just about any question you might ask one of them. But I won't.

I must pay for every gallon of gas used to cart you, your puking kid and your shedding dog around for first, second, third and fourth showings. Here's a hint: If you need a fifth showing you are Decision Making Disabled and need help, but not from me. Not anymore.

I sincerely look forward to helping you through the admittedly VERY stressful process of either selling or buying your biggest investment ever. I appreciate how hard this can be. I've been there. But you don't need to make it unnecessarily difficult by being an asshole. I promise not to be a bitch.

I value our relationship. To a point. Just trying to make a living here. Please try to keep that in mind when you call me at 9:30 at night to cuss me out over a bad radon report, or when you think I'm wrong about market value or whatever is on your mind at that moment.

Let's go shopping!
Sara Jane Thornton
A Stewart Realty Top Seller

Floor Time Blurb:
Jack Gordon is Ann Arbor's most delectable bachelor. At age thirty-five, he's made millions as a top-selling Ann Arbor real estate broker and has the right connections to close a deal by any means necessary. With his rugged good looks and compelling personality, he has a virtual black book most men would kill for and he uses it often, never settling for one woman for very long.

While his D/s past remains buried, exactly where he wants it, an undercurrent of boredom and dissatisfaction runs through his life now. Disastrous experience years earlier made him swear off the whole scene, but the more Jack suppresses his natural Dom, the more his frustration grows.

Sara Thornton, just a rookie in the field, has fast-tracked herself to the top of the Ann Arbor real estate market. Her life evolves into a disciplined and focused routine, exactly what she wants. However, as her career takes off, the fulfillment she seeks remains inexplicably out of reach. The one thing she knows for sure, she will not join the Jack Gordon groupies in her company, no matter how tempting that might seem.

A chance encounter, then a difficult transaction, throw Jack and Sara together and the sparks fly high and hot and often. Forced to confront the compulsions that gain momentum with each sizzling encounter, their relationship seems to spiral out of control until Jack finally admits what he needs, and shows Sara what she's been missing.

The Realtors Series Blurb:
Love is an easy word to use, a hard one to demonstrate, and sometimes impossible to trust.

The Realtors is a sweeping epic, encompassing over ten years in the lives of two people who know how to love with their bodies, how to please and get pleasure, to control and be controlled. When it comes to the deeper meaning of the one word they both need, backgrounds and personalities get in the way and while their physical connection sizzles they continue to disappoint one another emotionally.

Jack Gordon has it all--money, success, a string of women--but with a deep longing for something more. When he thinks he finds it with Sara Jane Thornton, his world is never the same again. Sara releases his natural Dom, a side of him he'd thought buried out of frustration and unhappiness. Sara knows a true submissive must trust implicitly, something she cannot associate with him, no matter how many times she tries, and he fails.

With a rich cast of secondary characters, including a young man who presents a near-perfect foil to Jack's intensity, and who falls hard for Sara; The Realtors series is a romantic saga with an emphasis contemporary life and love, with a healthy dose of white-hot eroticism. Modern, busy, driven characters living lives of purpose and real-time stress, seek the ever-elusive and highly coveted combination --a friend, lover and trusted advisor who will be there for the long haul.

Liz Bio:

Microbrewery owner, beer blogger and journalist, mom of three teenagers, and soccer fan, Liz lives in the great middle west, in a Major College Town. Years of experience in real estate sales and non profit fund raising, plus an eight-year stint as an ex-pat trailing spouse plus making her way in a world of men (i.e. the beer industry) has prepped her for life as erotic romance author. When she isn't sweating beer inventory, sales figures or promotional efforts for her latest publication, doing pounds of laundry for her athletic children, watching La Liga on the Fox Soccer Channel, or trying to figure out what to order in for dinner, she can be found walking her standard poodles or doing Bikram Yoga. Liz loves her Foo Fighters Pandora station, and watching reruns of Deadwood, when there isn't any decent European football on the telly. If you want a beer education follow her: For writing related stuff, including her backlist that is filled with HOT Brewers, HOT soccer players, HOT Turks and HOT Realtors, go to: Don’t get burned.

or here:
Sizzlin’ Books (for autographed eBook copies in all formats (ePub and mobi) – no extra charge):


Liz said...

thanks for hosting me Ladies!

Faith said...

No problem! Btw, I think the way your name is put on the wall for the Floor Time cover is so clever!

Harlie Reader said...

Okay, just spit out my coffee. You go Sarah! :)


Debbie Gould said...

Great post, Liz. Sarah is a pisser!
Love it. Sounds like a great series!

Meredith L. said...

Oh, man. She's lucky she's not a broker in New York City...real estate is a vicious contact sport here!

Thanks for the laugh, Liz!

Shelley Munro said...

LOL - my sister and I were talking about realtors last night (real estate agents in New Zealand) and decided it was a hard job. Your book sounds like lots of fun :)

Liz said...

Thanks guys! @debbie, yep, she surely is.
@harlie, stop spitting, it's rude
@meredith, I'm sure our mid west experiences pale in comparison but lousy clients are lousy clients no matter where you are
@shelley thanks! I enjoyed writing it.

Becky C said...

Fabulous post! And these books sound awesome. Must. Read. Now.

Liz said...

thanks Becky! hope you enjoy!

DiDi said...

Looks great! I will be adding it to my must read list!

Liz said...

glad to hear it DiDi!

Marianne Stephens said... the bit about the dog...and get a doghouse! Do people actually bring animals with them to look at houses? I never even brought my kids, and wouldn't consider bringing a pet along.
Nice post!

Anthology Authors said...

Hahahaha, Liz! Where did you get your inspiration for this? I watch those house hunting shows frequently, and I'm ever amazed at the divas on those shows. They need to come to LA and see what their $170,000 will get them here! (A cardboard box on a street corner on Skid Row, if they're lucky.)


Liz said...

@marianne YEP they did. amazing really.
@anthology authors THANKS. I sold real estate for 10 years. The "inspiration" is from real experience.

Valerie Mann said...

Liz ~ Totally cracked me up and as a Realtor (past tense), I can verify that everything you said is true true true. And Realtors DO THINK THESE THOUGHTS. They work hard and are under-appreciated. On the other hand, I've sold three houses of my own by owner, so I have a love-hate relationship with the realty biz. But regardless, Sarah is spot-on! LOL