Thursday, 9 June 2011

Mr. Big Cock Strikes Again


Here is another installment of the Chicken Capers. If you missed the first one, you can read it HERE.

The renegade chicken is back. He rallied the hens and the younger cocks. For the past couple of days, I've heard banging and the creaking of wood and ropes under strain. Friday night, I heard them talking in chickenese. Yep, I can translate chickenese.

"Cl'ere clinished! Clee clill clegret clusing us as clootballs!"

I sat up in bed. Light bounced across the drawn shades. Flinging back the covers, I sprang out of bed and released the blind. Approximately fifty chickens milled about in the backyard. There, in the center of the lawn, where my flowerbed full of sweet william, gladiolas, and cosmos USED to be, sat a miniature catapult.

What the hell???

"I watched the hens turn their feathered butts to the catapult's ammo bucket. All the young cocks lined up and did the same action too before waddling to the end of the line to wait behind the hens again.

I squinted, but the light from their mini torches caused too many leaping shadows and distorted my view.

"Cleady!" squawked the renegade rooster. "Claim! Clire!"

The catapult released with a hollow thonk and something white splattered the side of the house. White and gray clumps slid down the window glass.

Fury ripped through me. That lousy Sunday-Roast-To-Be!

Racing downstairs in my tee shirt and panties, I reached the backdoor and threw it open. The chickens clucked their startlement and most of them ran for the coop. I stared at the renegade cock; he stared back.

"Clun, cloo, clree!" he squawked louder. "Clire!"

I ducked and chicken shit splattered my lovely glass patio door.

"You feathery peckerheads!" I screeched. "Go ahead, have your fun! I'm done with this...this chicken shit!"

I stomped back inside, thinking about which chicken soup recipe I liked best and even mulled over using that difficult, but scrumptious dumpling recipe my grandma gave me when I had setup my own household.

The following day, I burned down their coop, and then rounded up the chickens and ushered them into a fenced and wired POW camp out by the barn. The renegade chicken is under poultry arrest. The USDA is investigating him. The hens and young cocks told me that they're sorry, and that the Hitler Rooster won't be released for a couple of years.

Mr. Big Cock has filed an appeal.

6 comments:

Kate Richards said...

Whatever you do do not let Valerie Mann hear about this! She has three adorable chickens and has no idea the mayhem that could happen!
Too funny!

Faith said...

LOL, you should let her know what she's in for!

Shiela Stewart said...

LMAO! Those damn chickens. They be jacken your style. LOL

Valerie Mann said...

I was completely appalled until I read you have a Hitler bird. Then I understood completely, as one of my hens is named Hitler. Clery Cunny, Claith!

Anthology Authors said...

HAHAHAHAHA You are a nut, Faith. (g)

Faith said...

ROFLMAO!!! Thank you, ladies! It's nice just to cut up like this and laugh.