MOOBS

By Olivia Starke


Today I want to blog on Moobs.Urban dictionary defines Moobs as Man boobs, or disgustingly large titties on a man.

(Think of moobs as the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of this.)

Apparently small towns breed men who have an inherent predisposition to moobliness (or at least the small town where I live.) And I’m not talking about those sweet, wonderful, cuddly guys we know and love who have good jobs and basic common decency—no I’m talking about those other type of, ahem, men. The ones who’ve managed to beer drink (among other things) their way to a nice sized rack.

First off, we have the thin guys with worn Budweiser t-shirts expertly cut out to expose their perky As and giant man nipples. Usually accompanied by homemade tats and a questionable smell you can’t quite place, they seem to think they are God’s gift to women and will be quick to wink and call you “Babe” or “Honey.” The fact you can’t stop staring at their freaky nips only confirms in their mind your interest, and they will be quick to shed that Bud Light shirt at the first opportunity to give you the whole show. Of course, this is about the same time you feel your uterus shrivel completely away, leaving you sterile for life.

 Next, we’ll jump straight to the gentleman who can give my own Ds a run for the money. These are the proud carriers of a matching “toolshed” or huge gut that hangs below their belts, attesting to their years of hard drinkin’ and hard livin’ Larry the Cable Guy style. For the most part not as cocksure as the boys mentioned above, they often reek of beer and lost dreams. Walking around with a button up shirt three fourths the way unbuttoned, you’ll wonder, Why, for the love of God, can’t they just spare us and hit those last few buttons! But no, they really can’t be bothered since they are much too busy finding reasons to cuss vehemently about everything.

Unfortunately, every summer we are subjected to these men and you have to ponder why it’s legal that they can show it all, but a woman with a decent set can’t? I personally know which I’d prefer to see as a straight woman desperately trying to avoid the asexual life.

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~ Olivia Starke 

“Adding a Little Kink to Your Bedtime Story”

www.authoroliviastarke.comhttp://romancingthepentoday.blogspot.com

Familiar Desires

Blurb: Ashley Adams signed up with the 1Night Stand service in hopes of stirring up some cougar passion in her lackluster life. When she meets tall, dark, and oh-so-sexy Justin, the sparks fly. But something deeper lies in their magical connection, something she isn’t prepared for. Will a casual one-night stand change her life forever?

Excerpt: 
“You’re more beautiful than your picture.” He reached past her shoulder and hit the emergency stop. Her breath caught in her throat when the elevator jolted to a halt.

“What are you doing?” She darted a glance up at the security camera.

The way his mouth curved at the corners made her knees knock. “Your profile said you liked to be adventurous.” The tip of his tongue stroked over his bottom lip as he watched her through heavy-lidded eyes.

“I—I meant trekking through the wilds of Africa, sky diving, that sort of thing.” Her heart beat so loudly, surely he had to hear it. He stepped forward—his finger traced her jaw line before he tipped her chin up. She swallowed.

“Skydiving?Can’t say I’d have the guts to try that, though I’d love the chance to kiss a pretty girl in an elevator.”

A corny come-on line if she’d ever heard one, but spoken with a whiskey-smooth Kentucky drawl—damn, it works for me. That’s what she’d come for, to have an unforgettable night with a hot hunk to stir up her humdrum life. After all, she’d dished out the funds for the flight, half the price of the hotel room, and the 1Night Stand fee.

He moved in close, and a wonderful, heady mix of musk and spice filled her nose. Her insides somersaulted in anticipation, wicked intent written all over his perfectly chiseled face. They could be kicked out of the hotel, or worse—arrested and appear on one of those dumbest criminals shows. The elevator wall pressed into her back, but when he leaned forward and touched his lips to hers, all the reasons they shouldn’t be doing this in the elevator evaporated.