by Valerie Mann
Since we seem to be having a run of blogs lately about body grossness, I wanted to jump in and discuss one of my pet peeves: hairy backs.
MEN: Hairy backs belong on primates in the wild or behind a restraining fence at the zoo. They do not belong on someone who shares my bed or the seat next to me on public transportation. And for crying out loud, the last thing I want to see is your hairy back for my viewing pleasure on a public beach.
While we’re at it, let’s add a big N-O to hair sticking out of nostrils and ears. Seriously, there are grooming appliances for such nastiness. Email me privately and I’ll hook you up with a buy link.
Hair on human males belongs on heads, chests, groins and legs. Some hair on fingers and toes is optional and, in moderation, can enhance manliness. Moderation being the key word here, guys.
Hirsutism can be the result of an illness. If you go from smooth to Magilla overnight, get thee to the doctor. I’m not talking about King-Kong-itis here. I’m talking puberty-induced hairyness, treatable with a sharp razor, copious amounts of shaving cream and a willing volunteer to wield these items behind you. Preferably out of doors where you can hose off afterward.
Guys, do you honestly think pubic hair on a your back will attract the chicks? It won't. Really. Trust me on this. If you still think so after reading this, there is no hope for you. If you're having an epiphany at this moment, I have the solution...
Manscaping. Landscaping for the male body. Once primarily confined to porn stars, it's now common for many men to manscape their entire bodies. In some cases, it's downright essential if the guy ever wants to get laid. But if you can't stand the thought of waxing your chest or shaving your junk, at least 'scape the back!
Examples of manscaping
Don't do this.
Manscaping is not the time to demonstrate
either razor sharp artistic ability, or your team allegiance.
Not a back hair in sight. I'll bet the girl fishies jump right into that net!
So tell me, ladies ~ is it just me or do you not mind the Magilla Gorilla look?
Disclaimer: All manner of manscaping should be done by a trained professional under proper hygienic conditions.