Thursday, 19 May 2011

Why can't hair just stay where it belongs?

I am not talking about the hair on my head. I rarely spend time doing it. Even when I dress up, in order for curl to stay, I have to use Dippity-Doo and hairspray. Like everything else on my body (or so it seems), my hair has a mind of its own.

I've had hair in socially inappropriate places for a long time. I think I started getting lip hair just after puberty. Fortunately for me, my sister is a beautician and could "rip my lip" once a month or so. Now, ten, or so, years later, the fur has decreased quite a bit...except for that one hair that has turned into a dark, stiff whisker. (sigh) While I can see it now, when I reach my mother's age, I don't know if I will be able to. At which point, I'll have one long hair curling over my lip and perhaps fanning out into a moustache. It will be soooo attractive!

However, the once somewhat dense hair from my lip has migrated to a scar on my chin. Okay. Not just a scar. That hair that started as just one has long since multiplied and spread from the scar to a few patches on the chin. It's not soft hair either. It's prickly and coarse. And some of it is transparent, or so it seems. I can't see it, but I sure can feel it. If I touch that area and feel a prickle, it will drive me crazy until I've plucked that sucker out. God help me if I am in the car or some other place far, far away from my tweezers. I will be fixated on that damn hair the entire time. Conversation is nearly impossible. Any thought but getting that hair out of my chin is nearly impossible. (Obsess much?)

Now, this chin hair drives me nuts. How does it grow so fast? Seriously, I can pluck them daily, and it seems that a "new" one appears as if by magic by the evening. But you were just strip-mined, you damn pieces of *&#@!

Why couldn't other parts of my body be that efficient? Huh?

For instance, why doesn't my metabolism process fat and sugar that quickly? Hm? No more cellulite for me. That would be really nifty. And why doesn't my skin rejuvenate as quickly as that so that I don't have any wrinkles? I could handle that too. But, no, I have to have chin hair on Miracle Gro.

It's just so wrong.

And, as a woman, if we have hair growing out of the chin, on your lips, or a stray one poking out of the cheek (which I've seen on my older relatives and could soon be my fate--ARGH!), if we don't pluck, wax, shave, or get a laser treatment, we will be marked as a bearded lady. While a man who may be afflicted with man boobs might be ridiculed a bit, but he does not get quite as much as a woman with facial hair. (Dude Look Like a Lady. Yeah, yeah, dude look like a lady.) Perhaps it's because he has facial hair and that little doohickey between his legs. (g) All right, saying "little" is unkind, but, at this moment, after a bout with the tweezers in front of the mirror, I am not feeling particularly kind. So, forgive me if I disparage them just a little.

Pant... pant... pant...

All right, I think I need to go lie down for a bit. These chin hairs have me all worked up.

22 comments:

Cassie Exline said...

And I thought waxing my eyebrows was bad enough to worry about. LOL Great post!

Anthology Authors said...

You know, I do wax there on occasion, but these darn things pop up too often. :(

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. I had to have a hysterectomy at 34. And it began! LOL. Chin hair. Upper lip. I own about 7 sets of tweezers. I've tried wax (OUCH!) I want to get electrolisis but people tell me it doesn't work (WTH? I WANT it to! Sign me up!) Then my doctor informed me that it's a good thing. (He's a man - I managed to not smack him). He showed me a study done that women with hair issues have higher sex drives. Uh huh... My response - "But who wants to sleep with a woman with 7 pairs of tweezers???" He laughed. He said "Have you met many men? If you wear a low cut top they won't be looking to see if you have any tiny hairs growing on your chin." LOL!!! Okay...so I ended up laughing and liking the guy. I try to keep my sense of humor. Great post!
Laura

FICTION AUTHOR said...

How funny. Yep, that little sucker drives me mad until I whip it out. Trouble is my eyesight isn't what it was either and it's darn hard to see.

Anthology Authors said...

Oh, Laura, that sucks. I've heard that laser works. Perhaps. For how long? And how often do I have to go in to get it done?

Hm... I wonder if that means that men with man boobs have more estrogen and therefore less of a sex drive? (g)

Anthology Authors said...

I wonder that about my eyesight, too. Are those hairs truly transparent? Or are my eyes lying to me? (g)

Faith said...

LMAO @ But you were just strip-mined, you damn pieces of *&#@!

I have the same problem, Marci. Really! When I was very young, I was kicked in the face by a horse. Luckily, it's hoof just clipped my chin instead of making full connection. So, with the end of my chin a mess, I had to endure some minor surgery, stitches, and a few follow-up surgeries due to infection. Now, I have a Y scar on my chin that looks like it was squished and thats where about three translucent and very prickly hairs grow now. I have a special pair of tweezers I purchased for that purpose (not to mention my father gave me his lovely unibrow gene, so I have that plucking task every week) and if my tweezers come up missing, holy hell breaks loose, lol.

Anthology Authors said...

So far, Faith, my daughter is not big enough to be interested in tweezers, or somebody would die. (g) I have these awesome pair of tweezers. They are old and have a handle like scissors. The tips are flat, and they grip even the smallest hairs--well, most of the time. They are great! I've had mine for years (high school). Apparently, Amazon sells them: tweezers.

Nicki said...

And when I read this post, I just had to feel my chin. I have a fuzzy chin! *gonk*

In my case, I have black and not-so-coarse hairs. On my arms. Weird, right? One or two black hairs. And I can't get rid of them :(

Anthology Authors said...

Hair is a mystery to me, Nicki. I don't get it. Well, I get it in that I have it, but I don't understand it. I think it's just evil when it's on the chin. (g)

Kissa Starling said...

I have to agree with you about the facial hair. It drives me insane. My husband says my family must be part bigfoot. Nice spouse right? hahaha Great topic!

Heidiwriter said...

This is hilarious, but alas, so true! Facial hairs and bad eyesight--what a combo!

Janice said...

I tweeze mostly. I keep a magnifying mirror with a fine point tweezers on a end table in the living room. I use it with my reading light so I can see my dreaded mustache and goatee. I have to pluck everyday or I looked like the bearded lady at a circus carnival.

Damn German genes!

Waxing doesn't work for some reason, but one of these days I'd like to try lazer hair removal.

Anthology Authors said...

You know, Kissa, that spouse of yours might end up on the couch if he were mine. (g) However, he mustn't mind a bit of hair. We all end up with it at some point. (g) Some of us just get it sooner. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

Yeah, I'm lucky my eyesight is still good, Heidi. I am not looking forward to when it goes South. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

Supposedly, Janice, tweezing makes the hair follicle bigger. So your hair becomes coarser and coarser each time you tweeze. At least, that's what I've heard. However, I'm not giving up my tweezers. (g) You and I could join the circus together if I did that. (g)

I've got those German genes, too. There are things I like about the German genes, but this isn't one of them. LOL

Judith Leger said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Judith Leger said...

I am so seriously going to go get threaded. :D

Kathryn Scannell said...

I so hear you on this topic. I used hair remover cream on my upper lip and chin for years. I had enough that my doctor sent me to an endocrinologist to see if I had a hormonal problem. I don't - it's apparently genetic. Sigh.

I finally tried laser hair removal a few years ago. It did help quite a bit. It works reasonably well if you have a light complexion and the hairs you want to get rid of are dark. But d*mn, it hurts. And you don't do it just once - it takes 6-8 sessions because it only hits folicles at certain points in their cycle.

And it won't touch those annoying stiff hairs that don't have pigment. I'm still plucking them. Or just shaving. Apparently there's nothing to the advice that if you shave them they grow faster, at least according to the hair removal technician.

Wish I could send some of them to my friends who worry about their too-thin beards....

Anthology Authors said...

Threading sounds painful, Judith. I tried waxing my pits once. I'll never do that again. Threading sounds kind of like that to me. LOL

Anthology Authors said...

You know, Kathryn, you've just given me an idea. (g) There are a few people I'd wish my chin hair on. (g) That would be cruel and unusual punishment. HAHAHAHA I wonder if there is a spell for that. My luck, it would probably backfire, and the few hairs I have there now would multiply until I was truly bearded.

One of my friends did laser treatment. She said it helped a lot, but if it doesn't work with the transparent kind, well, I have a lot of those. It would be pretty pointless then. (sigh)

Judith Leger said...

Have you seen how they do it? It's cool. Need to find someone who's familiar with it. A friend of mine has it done where she lives and she'll never go back to waxing. Loves it!