What's in a Name?

So, last my husband turned to me and said, "Did you see the picture of Nicole Kidman's new baby?"

"No," I said.

He didn't show me the picture, but said, "She named her daughter 'Sunday Roast'."

I looked at him. "You're kidding, right?"

"No. I'm not."

Sunday Roast?* What the f*** is that all about? I mean, why do celebrities do this kind of crap? I remember when Moon Unit and Dweezil seemed bad, but that one takes the cake...almost.

In recent years, celebrities, and people, have taken to giving their children names that will result in years of torture. Just a few off the top of my head:

1. Nicole Kidman's daughter Sunday Roast*
2. Michael Jackson's son Blanket (yes, that's the one he dangled off the balcony with a blanket on its head)
   
3. Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple
4. Nicolas Cage's son Kal-el -- the real name of Superman
5. Jason Lee's child Pilot Inspektor
6. Big Boi (of Outcast) has a child named Bamboo
7. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis's daughter Rumer ("I Heard a Rumor")

I could make a sentence out of this: Kal-el threw back his blanket, walked across his bamboo floor, and picked up an apple. His mind raced ahead to the Sunday roast he planned to eat at his mother's house that weekend. She was so proud of his new title pilot inspector and wanted to help him celebrate.

I can just hear all of the puns for Blanket, Bamboo, Apple, and Pilot. Of course, the song "Never on a Sunday" comes to mind too.

Regular people aren't immune to this either. I have met, or been told of, people with the following names:

1. Shithead (pronounced shu-theed) Imagine the poor teacher who had to pronounce that name for the first time and think of the poor child who had to bear that name...at least until she could change it;
2. Immaculata Concepcion -- um, yeah. We believe it;
3. Placenta -- Imagine what happened when she reached sex education class or all of the times older kids who knew what that meant giggled whenever she was around;
4. Cherry -- not so bad? Ever heard the phrase "popped the cherry?" Think again;
5. Jack Goff --say it aloud. My father went to school with him;
6. Dick Goff -- yes, they were brothers;
7. Delight;
8. Celestial Star -- this person changed her name to this. I can't blame it on her parents.

Mind you, I am not trying to be mean. I feel sorry for these people. My name is relatively harmless, but children still found a way to tease me about it. These poor kids never had a chance. So, I ask you, "What drug were their parents on to think these names are okay?" Originality is great, but consider your child, and then go to some place like Behind the Name and pick something out that isn't part of every day speech (flowers, some gems, and some place names excepted), can't be construed as an innuendo, or isn't just cruel. Your children will thank you for it some day. If they want to change it, fine, but at least give them a fighting chance.

Here's a list of more celebrity baby names. (The ones I've listed are not as bad as some of the others.)

* My husband just informed me that it's really Sunday Rose. Perez Hilton came up with Sunday Roast. The child is...how old? and it's already begun.