Friday, 7 November 2008


Don’t get me wrong. I love my cats. I have four of them. What I don’t love is when one little bleeder gets on my kitchen worktops and strolls around as though he has every right to be there. Even has a little nap there when the fancy takes him. What I don’t like is said little bleeder making his older brother think that it must be okay to walk on them—when Big Bro knows damn well it isn’t. What I don’t like is the fact that Little Bleeder has a habit of tromping through his own poo in the litter tray and then walking all over my work surfaces with poopy paws.

Bad stomach if the sides aren’t disinfected afterwards, anyone?

No, I don’t enjoy continually washing my surfaces just in case. No, I don’t enjoy seeing his smug little grin—and yes, he’s grinning all right—when I catch him on the sides. No, I don’t find him sweet or amusing. No, “He’s just a kitten!” doesn’t wash with me anymore.

He’s a demon reincarnated, sent to upset my chakra, or whatever the heck it’s called.

Yes, I’d like to strangle him, but that isn’t allowed. I mean, I’d be in serious trouble if I did that.

I realise there are, in fact, many awful things going on in the world that far exceed my Bug of the Day regarding Little Bleeder and Big Bro. I remind myself each day that I am a lucky individual to live the life I live. I try and make sure I don’t sweat the small stuff. I really, really do. But that effing cat….


And what the hell has possessed Big Bro—who, let me tell you, is a big effing cat—to start climbing in the kitchen bin, hiding under the piggin’ lid, and feasting on whatever I’ve thrown away? Where did he get that idea?

I tell you, I’m a massive cat lover, but these four sods are sorely testing my patience!


Tess MacKall said...

Well I don't like cats. Never have. Too arrogant for me.

Dogs. I love my dogs, but one has a problem. She won't go outside to do her thing when it is dark or raining.

So each morning we find her little gift. So I feel your pain. Truly

But, at least my Sammie and Sheba don't walk on the countertops!

M.E Ellis said...

Can you imagine the rant I'd have if I had a chuffing dog and it got up there?

It really does get on my tits, I tell you!


Lisa Griffin said...

Emmy, you can always make them into outside cats. lol. I love your humor. Even the dry stuff. :)

Faith said...

I have both dogs and cats, but lately I've been ready to throttle my dogs. They're acting like your cats.

M.E Ellis said...

The two big ones and the other kitten have no problem with going outside. Little Bleeder does. He HANGS on my back door, staring through the glass, mewling to come in. He really is the most distasteful little animal in most respects.

I told him last night that if he doesn't stop it, he's going to live elsewhere.

He just gave me a dirty look.



Jaime said...

I have three cats. The oldest and dearest has always been the perfect cat. We understand each other, he and I. The middle one was old and fat and crotchety even when she was a brand new fluffball of an adorable kitten. The youngest...

There are no words. Counter tops, theft, eating garbage, harassing his elders...

Believe me, Emmy, I feel your pain.

M.E Ellis said...

Ah, Jaime. It seems my cats have such different personalities. If Little Bleeder was a man, I'd actually class him as a grade A a***hole.


Lisa Griffin said...

With the heart you have I doubt you'll toss him, even if he is a little bleeder. lol

Anthology Authors said...

Well, I relate completely. My cats are wonderful. Great with my daughter, but oh do they think they have a right on my table and countertops. Even spraying them with vinegar-infused water hasn't worked. They don't like it, but they just wait until I'm not home. How do I know then? Well, the telltale cat sand, of course.

So that means I am constantly disinfecting my counters and I never put anything up on a bare counter. It's annoying.

Why don't I put them out? Well, we live very close to a school. I don't trust the cars nor the kids. I've seen too many cats killed or go missing to do that. I wish I could, though. I figure I have about ten more years with them. After that, no more cats.


M.E Ellis said...

I'm of the same mind now, Marci. No more cats after these 4. I also know he's been on the side because of the litter dust. Our cooker and worktops are black, so it shows up easily.

Ah, Lisa, I'm not that soft. If he keeps on, he can go and live with my dad and his wife, who think he's adorable....

Ummm, yeah. Right. He isn't, I tell you!


KelRhiasMum said...

One of mine is an outdoor cat, and learned very early on that counter tops were a BIG NO NO! We adopted a 2 y/o a month ago, and she has yet to brave the lower floor of our house we have no idea if she gets on counter tops. When she does finally get brave enough to become part of the family proper, she'll soon learn that she doesn't in my house! Water squirting is my favourite deterrent. Older cat has only to see the water bottle and he legs it!

God I couldn't imagine my dogs on the work tops, hahahahaha what a funny image, they are both collie crosses and my kitchen is minute!


PS word verification was "MINGS" that made me LOL!

M.E Ellis said...

Kelrhia, LOL @ MINGS!!!!

Also laughing at Ben and Archie on worktops.

I'll have to try the water spray on him, see if that works.