Monday, 10 June 2013

Jeans, Knit Pants, Cracks, and Underwear


I've bitched about jeans before. Don't get me wrong. I love a nice fitting pair of jeans. The challenge is finding those jeans. Not just for me, but for my 8 1/2 year old daughter Lily, too. For me, it's finding jeans that will fit my hips, fit my waist, not loosen to show my lovely decade old underwear (because the new underwear lasts maybe 5 months before falling apart, whereas my old underwear is indestructible), and are comfortable. For her, it's just about finding a pair that fits period.

I know, I know, I'm asking too much.

All Lily wears are knit pants. Why? She's always been in between the skinny and the regular size jeans. Actually, she's just too big for the skinny jeans. The regular jeans? For them to fit her, I have to pull the elastic cord all the way to the last slit on both sides to keep them from falling off of her. When she complains of them being uncomfortable. What can I say? I'd be uncomfortable with 2" of jean fabric bunched around my waist, too.

Normally, that's not my issue. LOL My issues are the ones listed above. But they seem to have grown worse recently.

You see, a few months ago, one of my neighbors lost some weight and asked me if I wanted her jeans if they fit me. Never one to turn down a boon like that, I said, "Sure, I'll try them."

Lo and behold, they did fit. Everyone complimented me on how skinny I looked in them, how my butt looked nice, etc. I was liking this. Except the jeans rode really low. So low that if I sat or bent down, I either flashed my underwear or my crack. That might be okay for a teeny bopper, but I'm not keen on flashing my ass to the world.

One other thing bothered me about the jeans: the size of the front pockets. Some time in the last couple of years, manufacturers have decreased the size of pockets to the size of uselessness, especially if you have a cell phone. Oh, and if you have normal-sized hands and want to put them in your pocket, forget it. Perhaps if I were Kristin Wiig's SNL character Dooneese Maharelle with hands the size of dolls, this would work fine for me. But I'm not, and it doesn't. My iPhone doesn't fit in my pockets. It sticks halfway out of them. If I sit, I risk the chance of it falling out. And if I want to put my hands in them, I have to curl my hands into balls, or everything of my hand from my knuckles up is out of the pockets. It just sucks.

Kristin Wiig as Dooneese Maharelle

Why can't they just leave jeans well enough alone? These low-rise show my muffin-top unless I wear longer shirts (but they don't cut the shirts longer. It's ever so lovely.) and show my underwear and my crack when I bend over. I can't fit more than my keys or some dollar bills in my pockets. The pockets on the butt have buttons, which might look cute, but render those pockets useless. (When I tried to unbutton one, it took me ten minutes. They just weren't meant to be unbuttoned.) So they look good on me, but I'm really not sure that's enough. It mustn't be as I have resorted to wearing knit pants just like Lily.

I don't know why, but that strikes me as really funny. My knit pants don't have pockets, so I can't carry my iPhone in them. They are low-rise, too, but they don't create a muffin top, and, if I bend down, I'm not flashing anything. All of this is fine as long as I'm not going anywhere. It's enough that I work from home and get a little stir crazy for adult interaction besides Facebook. I don't want to have to carry a purse, wear a jacket, or carry the keys/ID/iPhone in my hands.

Whine... whine... whine... I really do sound like a child. LOL

Personally, I don't think low-rise jeans had anything to do with fashion and everything to do with saving money on that extra material. Probably the same thing is going on with the pockets. That 2" or so of extra material cuts down on fabric costs. It doesn't seem like much, but multiply it by thousands of pairs of jeans...

Maybe I'm just cranky. Maybe I just need more sleep. Or maybe I'm getting an early start on my second childhood, temper tantrums and all. (grin)

8 comments:

S.R.Howen said...

I have the same issues with jeans, what I wouldn't do for a good old fashioned non-stretch pair with pockets that just about reach your knees!

Molly Daniels said...

About ten years ago, I fell in love with the jeans at Eddie Baur and Land's End...until menapause set in, and I could no longer buy the EB ones off the shelf. Now I still wear the LI, and I've found some plus-size Capris at Kohl's. But when I went back for more, they didn't have anymore of the style I wanted in 'my size'. I'm going to have to investigate the website and order them like I do the LI jeans.

I had to stop tucking in my shirts, because the jeans no longer sit at my waist; they're now just above hip level. And I've had this issue for YEARS....if the jeans fit my hips, they're waaaay too big at the waist. Or if I buy them to fit my waist, I can't pull them over my thighs. I discovered Lee fit me in HS and college, but having kids (esp the 3rd one at 38) plus the onset of menapause killed my figure from the waist down.

Okay....the sitting on my ass for two years editing 10 manuscripts didn't help either....:)

Anthology Authors said...

I don't know, Shawn. My favorite jeans in high school were men's Levi's.

Molly, I know exactly what you mean. Only one child and my body was never the same. Of course, I had her in my mid 30s. I think the older we are when we have kids, the harder it is for us to get back to where we were. Bigger butts just mean there's more of us to love. (g)

Anthology Authors said...

That should say that I don't know what happened to those types of jeans. I loved men's Levi's in high school. They fit right below my waist, but I was skinny then, they had big pockets, and they made my butt look good. (g)

S.R.Howen said...

Molly, is that the issue, sitting on my ass and 12 MS in a year? I must stop that at once, order a stand up desk, oh wait, bad idea, I don't like standing up to work.

Anthology Authors said...

Hahaha, Shawn. What we need is a chair with a butt massager and exerciser to keep our asses toned. Or maybe a man to do that for us. That might be better. Then, again, if we did that, we may be too distracted to get anything done but the man. (g)

Jaime Samms said...

I went Jeans shopping just last week. 'nuff said...

Anthology Authors said...

Hahaha, Jaime. Did you find any?

BTW, the new shorts I picked up at Macy's for less than $20 (on sale, of course) show my panties when I bend down. Again, it would be my crack if it weren't for my undies. o.O And hubby wants me to wear thongs. Um, no.