As I shopped with my mother over the weekend, I realized the two of us are different types of shoppers. As much as I love my mom, as shoppers, we are not compatible. (G) There are six types of shoppers: Extractors, Browsers, Consensus Takers, and combinations of all three.
What is an Extractor? What are the "symptoms," as it were? (Is shopping a disease? It depends on whom you talk to.) An extractor does the following things:
- Prepares a list
- Knows exactly where they are going and where to find the items on their list
- Gathers everything as quickly as possible
- Purchases only what is on their list
- Gets the hell out of Dodge
Now, I must admit to occasionally buying more than what is on my list and--gasp--even browsing, especially when I'm hungry. (A very bad time to go grocery shopping is when I'm hungry. Grin) However, most of the time, I am an Extractor. I'm in and out as quickly as possible.
Browsers, on the other hand, exhibit the following symptoms:
- They keep a mental list in their head
- They go to the store
- They find one item on that mental list, but they are distracted by all the choices and must go up and down every single fucking aisle in the entire store until the Extractor who is with them is ready to kill somebody. (Pant, pant)
- Two and a half hours later, they are ready to stand in line at the grocery store
- They pay for their items, but just as they leave, they see something else they must have. By this time, the Extractor has filed their nails to a point and can be found climbing the walls and possibly hanging onto the ceiling. Their eyes have turned feral, and they are nearly hyperventilating with frustration.
- They go with a list, but must consult with someone else, usually everyone who is with them, before buying. If no one is with them, they will call someone to confer. If they can't get a hold of anyone, they will ask fellow shoppers. They are often convinced by people with samples to buy their products.
- They will return home with a lot of shit they didn't need, much to the irritation of an Extractor.
Now, to be fair, even Extractors impulse buy from samples. (G)
The other three... Well, the thought of them gives me a nervous tic. I'll let you combine the symptoms for yourself.
My mother sees herself as an Extractor. She is not. Not remotely. She does write a list. She'll buy everything on that list, but she will also browse, AND she will try to reel you into her shopping madness by using the Consensus Taker ploy of asking your opinion. (Aaaaahhhhh!) Honestly, she means well. She wants to please, and I do appreciate that. And I have no desire to spend four hours grocery shopping. (Twitch... Twitch... Twitch...) LOL I am sure it is just as hard on her as me. Finally, at the third store and three hours later, I returned to the car where I started typing this post with my thumbs on my phone. (I am not kidding. LOL)
As I've said, I love my mother. We just aren't compatible when it comes to shopping. I think she enjoys shopping, any kind of shopping. To me, most of the time, it's just a means to an end. Oh, I enjoy finding that perfect gift. I just like to find it sooner rather than later. (G)
Did I mention Charlie, my husband, is the same as my mother? Imagine our trips to Costco. Hahahahahaha... Groan... It's one of my least favorite monthly shopping trips. (G) He loves it and can't wait to go down every aisle and try every sample. Oh, God, deliver me! ;)
So, what's your shopping MO? And are your loved ones compatible or incompatible like mine? (G)