Monday, 24 September 2012

Turn off the Damn Heater!

My husband and I are in a war. He freezes 24/7, even in the summer, and I’m hot ALL the time. As a matter of fact, the youngest dau and I are in a similar battle, although it’s not as bad nor are there casualties.

I’m one of those few people who are overly warm. It doesn’t matter if it’s the dead of winter; I seldom step outside wearing anything heavier than a sweatshirt or hoodie. I’ve been known to even walk out on the porch or the sidewalk in bare feet to feed the dog. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me. Now I won’t go as far as walking around barefooted in the snow and ice, but I don’t bat an eye at a few minutes out on a freezing porch or sidewalk.

Now let me give you a li’l background info on the hubby. He’s a welder, so he works in extremely high temperatures and in close proximity to metal that has to be heated until it glows red. I get it that he feels cold when he’s been standing next to a piece of cast iron all day that registers 400 degrees. After 8 to 10 hours of that and then stepping out into 85 degree weather, I’m sure he feels cold in comparison. Not only that, he has poor circulation.

However, we had temps this summer in the 100s, going as high as 107 with the heat index pushing it a li'l higher. That man would come home, sit at his usual place in the kitchen to watch TV, and then turn the heater on behind him.

Oh, no you didn’t!

Click.

“Who the hell turned off my heater?”

“I did. It’s 107 out and you come in and turn on the heater.”

“My back hurts and the heat helps it,” he growls.

“I don’t care if you’re the Hunchback of Notre Dame! It’s 107 degrees out. Read my lips! One-Oh-sev-en!”

He complains we don’t spend as much time together as he wants, but I can’t handle the heat of the kitchen where he spends most of his time when he’s home. I already have a built-in furnace. The last thing I want is to sweat while watching TV. And when a meal is cooked, especially if the oven is in use, the temperature climbs.

It got down to 41 one night last week. The hubby was wrapped in the comforter as if he was sleeping on the snowy tundra. Sweating, I kicked the covers off. He got up for work, and when I got up I was wandering around the house in undies and a t-shirt while he and the dau were bundled up in long-sleeved shirts and sweatshirts.

And when I do want some of the comforter at night, it’s a fight to the death. That man can snap a blanket off of me and rolled up in it like yanking a tablecloth off a table, leaving everything else to stand undisturbed.

And all day he’s home the heater gets a workout. On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

I open the door to get air. He shuts it.

I open the window to get air. He shuts it.

Finally, I usually yell something like, “Damn it, if you’re that freaking cold go put on more clothes.”

“If you’re that hot,” he counters, “take off some clothes.”

“I’m already in a t-shirt and panties,” I’ll snap.

He will then grin at me. “I know.”

“Ass wipe,” I’ll shoot back and stomp to the bedroom where it’s cooler.

Even my hands exude heat. The dau will come up to me and ask me to hold her hands for a minute to warm them up. She says mine feel like oven mitts just out of the dryer. And the hubby gets cold at night and crowds me because I’m emitting so much body heat he thinks I’m better than an electric blanket. Some nights he crowds me so badly I get up and go to the couch. Honey, I love you but get the hell off of me so I can at least breathe! Add his body heat to mine, which is already too high, and I feel like I’m in a sauna.

Oh, and let’s not forget the mini war where the hubs unplugs my laptop or my wireless cord so he can plug in his heater.

SNARL.

Will he plug it in the power strip? Nooooo! He has to have the wall outlet.

One day...one day he’ll get that heater stuffed where the sun doesn’t shine. Once I plug it in, he won’t have to worry about being cold anymore.

20 comments:

Janie Emaus said...

I am so ready for this heat to break. The one outside and the one inside my body!

Faith said...

Put the two together and I bet you feel like you're living in a volcanic region! I know I do! I feel that way.

trinity said...

Ha your husband sounds like me when it comes to being cold, but I hate the heat. I was dying this summer. I'd rather be cold than hot any day. My husband and kids are like you. They will walk around in little in the winter time, while I'm all bundled up. Try and get closer to husband in bed to get warm, forget it he rolls away. He can't stand my cold hands or feet. :)

Faith said...

LOL, I always tell my hubby he has blocks of ice for feet.

Jaime Samms said...

That battle goes the other way in our house. I have a nice, über healthy low blood pressure. Which means I'm always freezing. Hubs is toasty warm. We have a king size bed and there is room on my side for both kids and all three cats, because I'm sleeping so close to Hubs we end up using less than half the bed. Not my fault if he refuses to move into the middle....

Valerie Mann said...

The question must be asked: why doesn't he just wrap himself around you to warm up? Could get interesting

Faith said...

Jamie, that's what he does to me!

Well, Val, he does, but after a while I have to go to bed with a necklace of garlic and a crucifix to keep him at bay, lolol.

Jessica Subject said...

LOL Too funny! My hubby and I have the same argument, but it's usually the other way around. I'm always cold, well, excerpt for in the humid weather, when I just can't take enough off.

He's always hot, and he's a millwright (welding & more).

But, I waited for him to turn the heat on, bundling up in my slippers and sweaters. Finally, yesterday, he caved and turned it on. Though I'm not sure he left it on, since I'm freezing in my office right now.

Terri Talley Venters said...

Thank goodness my hubby and I both Like the A/c on 72 degrees. Especially now that I'm starting the hot flashes (sigh). But growing up, my dad kept it on 80! My poor mother. =(

Patricia said...

Such a funny post, Faith. I took a break to read it and smiled. I'm perennially cold and my husband is always warm. I use most of the covers but he shoves them off anyway, so we're even. Wo do have a bit of a go-round when it comes to the heater. Off...on...off...on. He can walk around the house nude and be fine. I freeze if I'm not wearing anything.

Fiona McGier said...

I'm with you, Faith! We were just camping over the weekend up in southern Wisconsin, and had a thunderstorm on Friday night,(2 sleeping bags on top, one underneath us) and frost warnings on Saturday night (three sleeping bags on top, one underneath us). By both mornings, I was throwing covers off, since I felt like I was in a sauna! Husband kept creeping closer, "Umm, warm wife!" He tells me he likes sleeping next to his own personal furnace. I've been hot since my first pregnancy 25 years ago! My MIL tells me someday I'll be cold again. I'm waiting...

Janice Seagraves said...

I've had hot flashes since I was thirty-two. We don't use the electric heater anymore because I produce so much heat we don't need it.

And like you, I can step outside when there's frost on the ground and feet the cat and the dog.

In the winter time I'll be up late writing and hubby will demand that I came to bed because he's cold. Then he'll wrap himself around me and wait till I heat up. I do in about a minute.

The only problem now is since I've gotten older, my hot flashes are getting hotter. I had to jump out of bed one morning because I felt like I was on fire.

Janice~

Taryn Kincaid said...

Oh, it's totes easier to warm up (unless you're walking barefoot 20 miles to school in a blizzard like, you know, they did back in the day).

On the other hand, "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen" seems like a line waiting to happen.

And I won't even go near him noticing the T-shirt, the panties, and you high-tailing it to the bedroom.

But the biggest questions remains:

Who has custody of the remote control?

Robyn M Speed said...

Hilarious!

I love summer, my husband prefers winter. He complains about the power bills in winter, but I notice he heats the office (which he stole off me several years ago) to a toasty temp while the rest of us keep the temp moderate in the rooms we are in and pull on more clothes.

Faith said...

I'm glad you all understand, lol. At least I'm not alone in my battle, and as for the remote, I have my own tv in the bdrm too, lolol.

Liza O'Connor said...

Get him a heating pad. It's much better for bad backs and doesn't bother anyone else.

Hales said...

OMG that is so crazy. I sort of go through the same thing here. Except with fans. I have to have a fan at the foot of the bed facing me and the window slightly open for fresh air...because one time I had a dream we all died from Carbon Monozide poisoning. He'l turn the fan on full blast. I only need the sound and it on low.

DH sleeps cacooned in his own blankets and I sleep in mine. We cuddle now and then but really I like my space lol.

He's a cheap ass though. WOn't turn on the AC in the car for nothing, will not keep the air on in the house if he gets a high bill and doesn't care how hot it is outside.

Hugs, and you should get him one of those rubber canisters with a stopper my grandma had one kept it at our feet to warm us up in bed.

Faith said...

I have a heating pad, Liza. It's one of those that has the vibration to work the muscles and it has two heat settings. It's even long enough to go from the neck to the lower back and he never uses it. I've used it more than he has.

Hales, the hot water bottle is an intriguing idea. I may have to try that. Maybe if he can keep his feet warm it'll help the rest of him stay warm, too.

Anthology Authors said...

Charlie's the heater. I am the freezer. He'll put a coat on occasionally, usually if we go to visit my mother in the winter. Lately, we've kept the window open due to the muggy heat here. Last night, we didn't. It's getting a little cold for me now. LOL He wants the AC on in the car. If it's not that hot, I want the windows rolled down. He'd love to put AC in our house, but most summers, it's not this hot. It would cost $10,000 to do that, not including the city permit AND the increase in property taxes. I say we use fans or jump in the pool. There've been some miserable days lately, but it won't last forever. If it does, we'll acclimate. (g)

However, when we sleep, neither of us wants to touch. My body temperature amps up, and I turn into a furnace. Well, a furnace for me, that is. LOL Even in the winter, when I wake in the morning, I kick the covers off. (g) I'm hot.

You'd probably like our bedroom in the winter, Faith. It's an addition, so the heat doesn't reach it. We have to use a space heater. (We use one of those oil ones that is easier on the bill.) Of course, you'd probably want it without AND the windows and doors open. LOL Charlie would love that. (g)

Faith said...

Marci, our bdrm as well as Wee Man's is an addition on the house, too. There is only one small baseboard vent for heat to enter. In Wee Man's room we have an electric "oil" heater because he gets so cold in there at night. The hubby yells at me to put more covers on the bed because he's freezing and I'm dying of heat stroke even when I sleep on top of the covers. I can't win.

In the summer we have two fans blowing AC into the addition, but the hubby usually sleeps on his side, so he blocks the air flowing into the room and I lay there and sweat. Next year I'll have a li'l fan on the TV stand that blows only on me.