I am not that old, but in the past six months, I feel like my body has let me down. It's kind of been working on it for the past couple of years. Then, in March, I went in to swim, and I struggled. It wasn't just hard. I was miserable. I keep swimming, hoping it will get better. To some degree it has, but it hasn't been as easy to get "back" into shape. And, I have gained about five pounds and haven't been able to lose it.
What really opened my eyes are the yoga classes I've started taking recently. They're good. They're hard, so much harder than I remember it. And while talking to the instructor tonight, I found myself making excuses and angry that she didn't believe me. I was trying so hard to convince her how strong I was. (snort) It was as I walked home that I realized what I was doing and the reality: I am getting old. And, honestly, it sucks. It makes me grumpy. Not just grumpy, downright pissed. WTF is the point of eating right, exercising frequently, and taking care of myself if I am going to lose half my strength overnight?
And, yes, that is how it feels. My hormones have gone nuts, my moods are swinging like howler monkeys in the jungle, I get migraines that I've never had, leaving me incapacitated with a husband who just doesn't get it (if you don't have migraines, hope you never do.), and my weight is higher than it's ever been except for when I was pregnant. By evening, I mostly just want to chew on someone's leg I'm that frustrated.
I have always been active. Always. Even when I didn't swim when Lily was very young, I was walking 10 miles or more a week with her in a backpack. She was an extra twenty to thirty pounds. I still walked (uphill half way) three miles an hour. I was strong. So, this is very frustrating for me.
I did yoga in college. Everything in that class was easy. Everything. Not one stretch felt like I stretched anything. Now, I can't even touch my toes without having to bend my legs. I pulled my hamstring jumping off the blocks a good 6 weeks ago. It still hurts. I've come to the conclusion that it's how tight my hips are, and they are affecting my legs.
But does that really matter? I mean, it's all just a sign that I am aging, right?
Maybe I'm just whining. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations of my body. Maybe, but I can honestly say I'm not liking it one little bit. Not liking it? It sucks major wads, and whoever came up with this idea of aging should first be made to suffer and then made to change it. (g) Let me stay young physically then decide it's time to go. Would we ever decide to go if that happened? Eventually. Maybe sooner than later for some. Maybe later than sooner for others. It would even out, I think. And without all those crappy diseases and infirmities of old age would be nice.
People say you don't have to let age slow you down. Ha! I'm trying really hard not to, but I may be fighting a losing battle. Whether I lose (probably) or not, I'm sure the air around me will be blue every step of the way.