Saturday, 13 July 2013

It's not "we;" it's "you."

Whenever there is something my husband wants done, he usually starts the conversation with "we." It didn't take me long to realize that "we" meant "you," as in me. For instance, a few weeks ago before we visited my mother's, he said, "We need to clean the house before Rachelle comes to housesit." Knowing that he would be at work all day and come home too tired to clean, I took that to mean: You need to clean the house. (Yes, I cleaned the bathrooms before Rachelle arrived, but that's where it ended. And I was irritated that it was me cleaning them.)

He was right. The house needed cleaning, but, as I am not the only person living here, I am not the only one capable of cleaning the house. Oh, and just because I work from home, does not mean I don't work. In other words, my time is just as valuable as his, right?

A couple of days ago, he said, "We need to wash socks. I'm down to the holey ones."

In my head, I said, "No, you need to wash socks. I still have some fifteen pairs in my drawer." It's summer time, and I work from home. My favorite shoes in summer are: barefoot and flip-flops. Both are best sans socks.

It's taken me nearly fourteen years to ignore these "suggestions" without getting my dander up. Okay, that's not necessarily true. There are still times I am irritated by these "we" comments. We've had discussions about this before. (Read: I chewed on him about it.) He feels that it's more polite to say we rather than just ask me to do it for him. Um, I feel it's more polite for him just to do what he wants done rather than to ask me to do it. (grin) After all, I am not the only one with hands, arms, legs, feet, and a brain…

Now, my husband is very handy around the house when it comes to fixing things. Just today, he installed the curtain rods for Lily's room. (I made tie-dye curtains for her room. Yes, made. They are beautiful, and I will never make those kinds of curtains again. LOL) Last weekend, he changed all of the exterior locks on our house (as the old ones looked like we lived in an apartment building.) He'll vacuum and wash dishes, provided the dishes are within his line of sight. Anything not right in front of him will be left on the counter. I call this tunnel vision. Sometimes, he'll even pull the weeds around the pool. He takes out the garbage, helps with the wash, and empties the cat box.

I suppose that's actually quite a bit, when I think about it. But he's maybe cleaned the toilet twice in the entire time we've been together. If he can use a gadget (steam cleaner), he's all over cleaning the shower. Of course, that happens once in a blue moon. Okay, less than a blue moon. Much, much less.

Still, this whole "we" thing has to go. A simple polite "will you do this" would suffice. I might still say, "No." Okay. There's a good possibility I'll say, "No," but it would feel less like a not-so-subtle demand.


S.R.Howen said...

I say, if you want it done, do it yourself. A favorite around here is, the top of the fridge is dirty--and a pointed look. I always feel this is a dig that I am short, and others are tall enough to see the top of the frige and a not so subtle hint that maybe I should clean the kitchen.

I walk away, and then return with spray cleaner and a rag, and say, have at it. No one asks or hints I should do the cleaning or the laundry, around here, if it bothers you, you clean it. YOu're out of undershorts, well then, you know where the mechine is. LOL

Anthology Authors said...

I'm with you, Shawn. When Charlie said, "We need to wash socks," I said not a word. I just waited a few days. Voila! He did them. LOL However, he can out wait me when in comes to cleaning. I think the level of dirt most women can handle as opposed to most men is much lower. LOL Notice I say "most." (grin)

Jaime Samms said...

Along these lines is the thing where he says a thing (like the backyard gardens need to be moved, or the basement needs to be cleaned) has to be done, and we should all band together and do it. He and the kids are right on board with getting it done. Not so on board he starts the engine, mind you. Just on board in the sense he'll be along for the ride if I start. Um. After I come home from work, maybe. Or after I write my words for the day. And maybe after I squeeze in a blog post or some editing. Or perhaps while I'm asleep I can pitch in on one of these jobs they can't find time to do between Need for Speed races and water balloon fights.

Valerie Mann said...

My husband is the "manager". He'll organize a project, manpower and supplies at the ready...and then about halfway through, we realize he's been standing on the sidelines, supervising. Wow. I want that job. Yes, he can fix anything that's broken (except plumbing - if it can leak, it will). But when it comes to manual labor, he goes into high-powered supervisory mode. It only took me about 30 years to finally figure this out. I'm not very smart :-)

Anthology Authors said...

Jaime, this past weekend was eaten by those "we" projects. I love it when I'm gardening, and Charlie will come out to see what I'm doing. He'll watch for a while. Later, I'll hear him talking about how "we" did this to our garden. Yeah, there was a lot of we in it. HAHAHA

Anthology Authors said...

Charlie's not really in to manual labor either, Valerie. Occasionally, he'll pull the weeds around the pool. He built the "bench" in our pool area. (I stained the wood.) We are talking about replacing a rotting overhang with a pergola. That should be interesting. LOL He'll do most of the building, but I will most likely do a lot of tearing, staining and whatnot.