The Perils of Antibacterial Soap

Recently I got new glasses and contacts. Now this is the first time I’ve ever worn contacts, and when the allergens are NOT driving me insane and mucking them up, I love my contacts.

Anyone who has worn contact lenses knows you should wash your hands well before putting them in or taking them out. If you don’t, you can get all sorts of microscopic nasties in your eyes. Anyway, the other day I was getting ready to do some housework, and since my glasses irk the pee out of me by sliding around on my nose when I’m busy, I washed my hands with the antibacterial soap I keep in the bathroom, dried them, and inserted the first contact lens.

Hmm, that stung a li’l bit.

Second contact was inside out, so I had to pause a moment and flip it around. I popped it in my eye and…

Oh, hell, that stings….

No, no! That burns!

Dang that burns A LOT!

Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink…

I quit blinking. That should do it.

Hell, no! It still burns! So I start blinking again, tears are pouring, and I'm worrying the contact will flush out of my eye and land on the sink or on the floor.

Blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink, blink…

By that time, the burning stopped. Well, sort of.

However, my nose was running so darn bad I thought I was going to have to put on my Sketchers Shape-Ups and chase the darn thing down.

Lunch time, so I headed to the kitchen with my nose still running. Sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff…

Scrounging for something to eat, I found shells and cheese, but they needed some milk and cheese added. I got out a jar of soft cheese, scooped some out, put it in the noodles, but got some on my fingers.

Well, I did what any normal person would do. I stuck my finger in my mouth to lick off the cheese.

B.L.E.C.H!!!

YUCK!

OMG, that tasted horrible!

No wonder my eyes stung like crazy when I put my contact lenses in. My finger tasted like antibacterial soap. I hadn’t gotten all the soap washed off my hands.

Lesson well learned.

And lemme tell ya, the taste of antibacterial soap is a bitch to get out of your mouth. I even rinsed my mouth with burnt coffee—no, let’s not go there, long story—and that didn’t even help.

So then I had the taste of soap AND burnt coffee in my mouth.

Anyone got some cinnamon candy disks or gum?

Vanishing Stuff & Not My Stuff!

When I wander through my house and see the amount of stuff that’s mixed in with my stuff, or find my stuff moved to parts of the house where it should not be, I get a li’l hot under the collar.

What is it with kids who think if it belongs to Mom then it’s fair game? And why do kids believe that your designated “mom” areas are they’re areas to store their stuff?

We have a five-bedroom home. There’s plenty of freaking room for their stuff!

I walked into my upstairs office this morning and took a gander at all the shit on the floor that was NOT mine.

Baby walker

NASCAR Storybook

Musical keyboard

A pair of jeans

A teether

A bouncy seat

The toy gizmo that hangs over the bouncy seat

A folder full of graded papers.

Oh, but it doesn’t stop there. My desktop has someone else’s crap all over it too.

Used tissues (eew!)

A baby monitor

A notebook

Dry erase pen from the refrigerator

One Silly Band in the shape of a castle

And what irks me to no end is that I have stuff that I use for my writing and everyone else thinks it’s there for their use too.

NOOOOOOOO!

If I buy a pack of nice pens, they’ll vanish faster than a chocolate fudge cake at a Weight Watchers convention. It never fails!

I just opened a pack of Sticky Notes designed for editing and for marking places in journals and notebooks. What do I find when I sit down at my desk? Notes scribbled on them by my youngest dau who thought she’d be cute.

I just purchased a pack of Sharpie Ultra Fine Markers to use for my notes and editing. One day I sat here and noticed half of them are gone and the pink one, although missing, has no cap on it. The cap is lying on my desktop!

Bought a four-pack of highlighters. Two have vanished.

I’m sorry, but messing with my stuff or putting stuff in my domain that is NOT mine pisses me off to no end!

So, I walk in my bedroom and there are baby clothes on the floor. I found Christmas ribbon that was never put away (belongs in the upstairs closet) when someone wrapped gifts in my room.

If I want to find something, all I have to do is go to one of my kids’ rooms and ask them what they did with such and such. It usually materializes out of their stuff. But it’s not their stuff. It’s my stuff!

And do I scream and bitch at them about this stuff issue? HELL YEAH!

But it does no good. What the heck do I have to do to get others to respect my belongings, my room and my office???

Ask me to borrow something, but don’t just take it and not return it. I don’t go into my daughters’ make-up cases and help myself nor do I take one of my son’s Hot Wheels so I can play with it while I wait at the doctor’s office.

If I could hotwire my desk, books and belongings, I would. Touch it and ZAP! Then again if I did that, it would sound like I had a bug zapper upstairs!

The only thing they do not bother is my new laptop. It is the Holy Grail. Touch it and there will be body parts all over the house. Period.

Surely I’m not the only parent who has this problem with stuff?

I Love This Joke!!!!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed…

The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.


The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
'

Enjoy!!!