Dirty Socks and Kid Talk

A slightly recycled post...okay, whole-sale copy-and-pasted post from my personal blog, because some things are always true:

Things you need to know about kids, cats, and human nature. (If you're a Mom, you know most of this already, but you may have forgotten, so I'll remind you, because no one likes to be reminded of these things the hard way.)

1) A five year old boy who has been sitting quietly and contentedly on his bed playing his gameboy  for the past hour will suddenly and inexplicably loose all sense of timing and hand-eye co-ordination and will develop the attention span of a gnat just moments after being told it is time to practice his cello. 2012 EDIT: exchange gameboy for DS and cello for piano, and it's pretty much the same. I am tempted to actually buy him the electric guitar he so wants, just to see if he'll actually practice when he can make that much noise without hardly trying.

2) An eight year old girl who can cuddle up with a book for hours on end will be unable to read English when confronted with her grammar homework. 2012 EDIT: By the time she's twelve, prying the book out of her hands for anything other than perhaps exchanging it for her point shoes is a futile endeavor. Just give up now and console yourself with the well-worn phrase: "There are worse things she could be doing than reading."

3) Two siblings can absolutely love the same activity, but they cannot sit down together and do that activity without finding things to disagree about. 2012 EDIT: Nope. Nothing to edit here. Hasn't changed.

4) Two siblings can disagree about everything on the planet, including the colour of the sky and whether or not gravity exists, until their parent asks them to do chores separately since they can't get along, at which point, they agree they get along just fine. 2012 Edi--nevermind.

5) No matter how much they argue and want to punch each other out, an eight year old sister will drop her best friend in a heartbeat if that friend is mean to her five year old brother. 2012 EDIT: This apparently does not apply to tweens. Girl power over boy cooties. Fine by me, as long as she's nice to her brother.

6) A five year old brother will go into the basement to fetch his sister's stuffy when she stubs her toe and can't stop crying, but he will, under no circumstances, go there by himself to empty the recycle bin or fetch a clean pair of socks. 2012 EDIT: I've been informed clean socks are overrated. Who knew.

And finally, remember, cats are people too. (Or so I've been told, by both the kids and the cats.) And if you think you are too tired to clean the litter today, and that you'll just do it tomorrow, think again. This is really one of those things you can do today. Trust me on this. 2012 EDIT: still true.

With kids and cats, you can be sure of one thing: if you hugged your kids first thing in the morning and last thing at night and let your cat sleep on your feet, everything else is just the small stuff.

Ugh!

Don’t get me wrong. I love my cats. I have four of them. What I don’t love is when one little bleeder gets on my kitchen worktops and strolls around as though he has every right to be there. Even has a little nap there when the fancy takes him. What I don’t like is said little bleeder making his older brother think that it must be okay to walk on them—when Big Bro knows damn well it isn’t. What I don’t like is the fact that Little Bleeder has a habit of tromping through his own poo in the litter tray and then walking all over my work surfaces with poopy paws.

Bad stomach if the sides aren’t disinfected afterwards, anyone?

No, I don’t enjoy continually washing my surfaces just in case. No, I don’t enjoy seeing his smug little grin—and yes, he’s grinning all right—when I catch him on the sides. No, I don’t find him sweet or amusing. No, “He’s just a kitten!” doesn’t wash with me anymore.

He’s a demon reincarnated, sent to upset my chakra, or whatever the heck it’s called.

Yes, I’d like to strangle him, but that isn’t allowed. I mean, I’d be in serious trouble if I did that.

I realise there are, in fact, many awful things going on in the world that far exceed my Bug of the Day regarding Little Bleeder and Big Bro. I remind myself each day that I am a lucky individual to live the life I live. I try and make sure I don’t sweat the small stuff. I really, really do. But that effing cat….

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And what the hell has possessed Big Bro—who, let me tell you, is a big effing cat—to start climbing in the kitchen bin, hiding under the piggin’ lid, and feasting on whatever I’ve thrown away? Where did he get that idea?

I tell you, I’m a massive cat lover, but these four sods are sorely testing my patience!